Hi guys, If you knew me in person you'd think the last place I'd be is posting on a depression forum. But frankly from inside everything feels wrong, let me explain....

I'm 18 (my bday is............now) Everything was fine and dandy up till when I finished high school, I didnt do very well in high school I had the brains to but didn't put them to work and I accept that is my fault. Then after high school I had an awesome summer which then ended when the though of college came I didnt have the grades to do what I wanted.......to be honest I dont even know what I want to do.......but anyway I didnt have to grades safe to say I'm the most unsucessful out of my elder brother and sister (I'm the youngest).

Now I ended up going to a college for only a day.........I don't know why but I left I was doing an I.T course where they were teaching us how to create folders and then we had to do a crossword, and at that time I just thought to myself wtf is this? This was two years ago btw, I really regret leaving that college. So then I stayed home that year (2006/2007) without a job or anything. Then the next year came, I still hadnt done anything about college, I ended up going to the local college in my area but the problem was I was doing a course which I really could not do (electrical engineering). So I went for half a year then dropped out yet again with no job, I don't regret dropping out this time as it was just a waste of time. But then again I didnt look for a job, I handed out a few CV's but gave up very quick. Now I'm here.........I been thinking about this for a while about where my life is going and from what I can see theres no light at the end of the tunnel. I was dreading the day my birthday comes.......I'm 18 and its striking me now that I need to sort something out quick or I'm screwed for good, I feel like a big letdown on everyone. This summer my sister got married, now its only me my mum and dad in the house they don't earn a lot but have always given us everything, but how do I support my parents if I have no qualifications and not a decent job there getting old now (above 50) and they won't be working forever.

I've applied to my local college again to do an I.T course I'm hoping its not late, last year I got in real late so yeah. I don't know what else to say I'm just confused and I've been feeling low for over a year and a half now. My last hope is to get into college thats all I care about, I'm fed up of sitting at home doing nothing............and occasionally crying my eyes out (like today, it just hit me my sister will no longer be living here and that I will miss her a lot) I cant express all my emotions in words.........just so much like my mother has cancer it looks like she has 80% chance of surviving and she wont need any sort of therapy she has an opperation and most of the cancer has been killed befor it could spread. But because of this she can't work which just leaves my dad alone paying bills/mortage etc etc, they don't pressure me about this stuff but I know soon they will need a helping hand. Theres a lot more to explain but I won't get into my families life atm.

Other things that really put me down sometimes is the fact that I have 0 "friends" the only "friends" I have are online in my counterstrike clan/team <<< cool huh? This doesnt bother me much but I really need to get out sometimes and having no one go out with really puts me down.

Sorry to bore you guys, but from what I can see my life my be ruined completely very soon.

Hi MoS,

Welcome to DF!!!!!

I just don't think you have found what will "click" for you yet. Don't worry sometimes that takes time.

Don't feel like you are letting peopl down, your still trying and haven't give up so that's the best thing you can do.

Remember you have to make yourself happy befor you can make others happy.

It might be a good idea to get out there in the world a bit, take it slow if you have to.

You have friends here, so we look forward to seeing you around.

Dante~

Hi,

So, things can be pretty tough around your age, when for some reason everyone thinks you suddenly have to get your whole life in order. Believe me on this one though, there is plenty of time for you to figure out what you would like to do. Frankly, you should take some time to enjoy your birthday. Spend some time with your family, and don't worry about all of those other things. After all, you only turn 18 once!

Oh yeah, welcome to DF!!! Look forward to seeing you around!

Cheers

Thanks for the warm welcome guys really appreciated I just need some advice, I know you guys are saying theres plenty of time for things to click but, I've wasted so much time already that I just feel I can't afford to waste anymore. Just feels as if I havent done anything useful in my life. If I get into college I will be so happy but the problem is education is free here until your over 18, so this is my last year to get in college and do something........I'm in England btw.

Another thing, this time last year, hell even early this year I was going out a lot had friends, but they just werent my type of people even though I had been friends with them for years, and it's hard to make friends when you have no job or don't go college, but as I said it's not the friends thing that bothers me, I guess I could do with some as I get lonely quite a bit these days, being stuck in my room all day sucks big time.

Thanks again, anymore advice is hell welcome!

Hey m0s

I am so very sorry you are feeling this way! I just have to ask.... why do you feel that you have wasted so much time? You are 18, you graduated high school which, by the way, is a huge step in your life already! It's not always easy for people to figure out what they want to do with their life... I mean hell... I am 24, unemployed, and have dropped out of college 4 times because I was trying to please my family and be successful but I soon realized that I didn't take any time to realize who I was and what I really wanted to do and achieve in my life.... I mean first I wanted to be a accountant, then a computer programmer, then a nail technician and then health care specialist LOL... it was such a waste of time but I now consider it to be a learning experience and I going to be heading to school to be a chef. It took me this long to realize it but ya know... it was worth going through all of that hell... because I will be doing something I love.

Honestly, I think you are worrying too much about everyone else except yourself, and you REALLY need to start thinking about YOU. You need to be happy before you can make anyone else happy. Have you ever thought to just go into college and take your generals? That gives you college experience but also some more time to think about what you really want to do. And also, I am sure that your family is going to love you and be proud of you no matter what you do, they are going to want you to do what makes you happy! I know exactly what it feels like to be lonely and have no friends but I try to stay as positive as i can because it's what I have been dealt and I just have to work through it. Oh, by the way.. are you currently applying for jobs? I'm sure you are.. ..but if you are not you should really look into getting a job as a stock person or cashier... those are pretty easy jobs to get, and it may not pay much but it will get you by and it would help your parents too if the time comes where they need your help.

I really wish you the best of luck m0s, i hope my advice helps, take care

m0s forgive me for being thick but I don't understand, you are 18 and you got out of high school one or two years ago?! When does high school end in the UK? How can you be 18 and talking about that you have wasted too much time, that if you don't get into college now you're ruined? I'm 26 and thinking about going to college, but probably putting it off for another year. College is not some necessary rite of passage you have to do at a certain time, or some feat to pull off to show everyone you're smart and successful, it's at least supposed to be you getting the education you want in order to be able to get the job you want... Granted I can move back to Sweden and go to university for free at any age, that helps. But even if I stay here and go to a public state school it will be ok - ?

Then again, I have felt that stressed, urgent I'm-failing-I'm-way-behind-everyone-I-have-to-get-it-together-this-year-or-my-life-is-ruined feeling every year since I was 16 and I still feel it... But please try and gain some perspective! You don't even know what you want to do yet - and there is no reason you should - don't you think it's kind of smart to wait to get a degree until you have a clue about that?
Even if it's free college is still a big investment on your part in terms of time and effort, you will be much more motivated when you have a goal in mind.

This post has been edited by zmarie: Aug 9 2008, 05:09 PM

Re-read your posts - didn't mean to be belligerent (ehrm) or sound like I'm saying you don't have any real problems going on, clearly the situation is really hard on you... And it's not like I recommend waiting till you're 27 like me before you go to college as an ideal solution. And if it that's right that you have to get into college this year for it to be free, then I understand your urgency there. But if you don't get in, you know, you just get in debt with student loans like the rest of the world is already. Do you have to get into this particular program? Could you take a number of courses instead, or even start a different program and apply again next semester and transfer - ?
What's the job market like, can you get a relatively low-responsibility job till school starts, even part time? That's my personal plan now, don't know if I'll pull if off though!
I am so sorry about your mother. I have a lot of that in my family and it's so awful and scary, I'm so glad to hear that it was caught and treated early though, that's key.
Keep posting!

This post has been edited by zmarie: Aug 9 2008, 11:23 PM

m0s,

Hey whats up man. Just wanted to let you know that I think it is admirable that you want to get your life going! At the same time however, I want you to feel comfortable about yourself and where you are right now. Trust me, finding yourself takes time- a lot of it. Now people are different. Some people slide right into what they think they want, turn on the cruise-control and never look back, and kudos to them- but that is rare! Then you will also hear of people who are 40 and just finally coming into their own. So it all depends on the person really; understand that it is about you. Don't feel anxious that you don't know what to do. That is what life experience is for. I bet that you will find that most people who hit that cruise-control and drive straight into a career, later look back and wish they had taken their time in some areas so they could figure out better what it was they really wanted out of their careers, and hence, their lives!

Who's to say that where you are right now isn't exactly where you need to be in order to get to wherever it is you need to go? You are only 18 and still have a lot of time to find something that fits you. Trust me, a lot of people have wasted much more time than you have and have come out in the end probably more satisfied than many of the people who just dove into a career without really analyzing and experimenting with what truely draws them.

I squandered the entirety of my adolescence on drugs and idle things. When I got out of that I got a 2-year degree at a community college focusing on the liberal arts (a shoddy term which basically means that I couldn't choose a focus, lol). Then I started on a bachelors degree in computer sciences. I'm turning 25 in a few days and on leave from my university, and I am continuously debating on what I really want to do. There are so many niches and so many things to study, that if you rush things you may miss something great! I feel like I have been wasting time for a long time- but I keep telling myself that everything I do, everything I have done, is all something that is preparing me for whatever it is that I will eventually become (and I know it will be great). As they say... it is not the destination, but the journey- so best of luck to you!

~Dragsum

Thanks for all the replies guys really appreciated.

Well let me explain, over here you go high school also known as secondary school from the age of 11-16 (5 years). School terms start in September and end in July, so after you finish High School you go college the next term and it usually lasts 2 years, then you go uni if you want to depending what you did in college. So this is why I have been feeling that I've wasted too much time...two years to be precise.

So I really can't afford to be a bum for another year, and I'm 18 now so this is the last year I can go to college for free, if I drop this year and go for next year I'll have to pay. I intend on getting in college doing something in I/T and working part time and I'll be happy. But things arent looking so good atm.

Thanks for breaking it down for me m0s ;). So I guess it's the equivalent of me dropping out of high school at 16? But the Swedish system was a lot more forgiving - then - I was able to slowly get it together at different folk high schools over the next 5 years. Now it's up to me.

If I had to do it over again, I'd get all the help I could possibly get. I'd wade through the heaps of people who didn't understand or care, and find someone who could actually figure out what was wrong and pull some strings to help through it. School psychologist, guidance counselor, doctor, whoever. I would have filed a complaint against the first doctor they sent me to, or at least demanded to see a second one. I would have gotten myself meds and therapy and extra academic support.

At the time I didn't see myself as someone who deserved or needed help, and the adults around me sure didn't either. I felt like I failed dropping out, but I also badly badly wanted to since school felt like hell to me, so I couldn't see how I could deserve help. Well, if you are struggling with depression and a life crisis like your mom being sick, and in my case also ADD, school is going to feel extremely unmotivating. And sometimes it's just plain bad - like your first college course maybe was. There is nothing or wrong or weird about not wanting to go.
But you want to make this happen - so enlist any help you can think of.

And PLEASE try to not compare yourself to your siblings. I just get so tired seeing people do that all the time, not realizing that outside of their immediate family those comparisons are completely pointless and say nothing about you as a person. But it's probably impossible not to while you still live at home - when you gain some more independence it will be easier.

I hope you get into your IT program. Would you consider applying to a second course where you're more certain to get in as back up? Doing nothing can be so incredibly depressing...

Yeah I think I have to go into the opening evening and see what I can do, I have emailed the college twice. One other thing that really bothers me (Set aside my mum being sick etc thats just recent and its looking good now) but one thing I feel is I've lost or dont have any confidence like I'm only applying to this college because its local I'm too afraid to go to a college a little further away, it's odd. Having no friends doesnt help either I may sound like an idiot but I actually have no real friends anymore and it's pretty annoying I've never had a summer worse than this one and as boring staying home everyday. Plus now that my sister is married it's only me my mum and dad in the house so it just feels so quite and at times depressing as anything.

But I think I know my problem I just need something to do, I'm going to start applying for jobs and hopefully will be in college. One more thing I keep thinking I'm going to fail college like I find it hard to see myself sucessful or happy I don't know if its because I know I suck at studies or because of my families dark history (a lot of things rough things have happened over the last 10-12 years). Just cant figure it out, but I'm willing to give it a shot, theres more I want to say but it's late and I cant think.

Thanks, m0s.

Yeah, getting something to do will definitely help. And with all the things you mentioned about depression and family problems, sounds like this would be an extraordinarily good time to see a therapist? Even if your depression eases up - I'm sure working will help with that. But it sounds like you'll make wiser decisions about your future if you have a healthier self confidence and aren't so haunted by whatever all is up with your family.

The friend thing is hard; I'm always going through that, it's a side effect of depression and it makes the depression worse - but I don't know what the right thing to do is. Sometimes it's been calling my old friends (which honestly has never so far turned out to be a bad move, but I still can very rarely bring myself to do it), sometimes it's moving somewhere entirely new, even though it's scary and stressful. Two times I've actually made new friends through internet ads... people that were actually very cool and I had a lot in common with. I guess don't rule anything out! It is something that changes, though, just like unemployment and life crisis...

This post has been edited by zmarie: Aug 11 2008, 09:34 PM

Mhh, the friends thing is tough for me, even when I was socially active I only had 2 proper friends who I would see everyday and hang out, one of the was a guy one a girl the guy has just changed and he's not the same person I knew in high school, he's just become an idiot. The girl I still see very very rarely seen her like twice this summer or once not sure so can't really call us friends. it doesnt bother me that much just when I'm feeling low I need to go out or w/e.

Ty for now