So i have been pretty calm all day right, its about 20 till 3pm. Anyways, I am on Effexor XR 150mg once a day currently and xanax .25 twice a day as needed. So i began researching therapists today and was making a few phone calls to see how much it would cost out of pocket because my insurances is all like you have to meet a $300 deductible first, then we might cover 50% and you can only have 20 visits per year. By the time I got through talking to just one clinic, my heart was racing, my hands were shaking, and i felt all tremlbling....

oh, and FYI, i am diagnosied with depression and anxiety...

It seems that I am having a small anxiety attack here, even though i took my .25 mg of xanax a while ago. I keep thinkig of what if i can't afford therapy or what if my hubby isn't willing to dish out the $78 per visit because we havent even touched our insurances deductable of $300 yet? even if we did meet the deductable somehow, is 20 visits a year really going to be enough, i mean that is not even one visit a month? I cannot shut my brain down and I cannot breath and my heart is pounding....

Seeking treatment is anxiety provoking in itself. Totally normal though and an important step

You may want to check with the INS co. If it's like mine, once you reach your deductable, the therepist can fill out a form and recomend another 20 visits if you need it. Without another deductable to pay. I don't know about year to year though..

Have you ever tried anything other than Xanax? I tried only the XR version, found it to make me a little too happy, then the crash was hard when it wore off. The regular version is even shorter in action. I don't know what your anxiety level is though.
I needed something that lasted a bit longer and smoother. I'm taking clonazapam(Klonopin) and find it pretty good, and I don't get high on it..

Tell Hubby, your worth every penny of 300 bux..Or your gonna go on laundry boycott

Thats the thing, I dont know how to reach the deductible... lol...

as to my level of anxiety, how do you even rate that? I know on a daily basis, i can never shut my mind down, even enough to go to sleep, my heart rate is continuosly above 115 beats per minute, I can feel my heart pounding on most days, during anxiety attacks I cannot breathe, my face tingles, and I almost feel out of body...

I am also on Effexor XR as an anti-depressant but if I am not mistaken, it is used to treat anxiety as well. and I do take Trazadone at night to help me sleep. but I haven't tried anything other than xanax. and i really dont feel any different on the xanax accept maybe a little less anxious... but it doesnt shut my mind down really. I think I have my mom's tolerance when it comes to these drugs... even with the Trazadone, I get a little tired but still occasionally wake up in the night. The Effexor XR, which i am on 150 mgs once a day, seems to help me feel normal, not depressed so much, I just hope its not like the zoloft, because with in a month i had grown tolerant to it.

Yea, I really don't know how to rate your level of anxiety either. I have a hard time rating mine! I used to have daily panic attacks for years, but rarely now, so something is working. I still have some anxiety, but more managable most of the time. I was first DXed with panic disorder and major depression disorder, then ptsd, then finally BiPolar.
So any AD sends me off into crazy land. I take a small amount of celexa and 200mgs Lamictal (mood stabilizer with AD properties) and a minimal amount of colonazapam, 2 x .50mg daily.
I don't know anything about Effexor, but I think most ADs help with anxiety.

Are you still in startup phase?
Could explain the increase in anxiety..

Also, you may be able to find a theripist willing to work with you financialy. I've heard some are willing to work a little on cost for those without full ins.
You must have some kind of Doc to prescribe your meds. Maybe he can recomend someone for you. It's worth a shot

The anxiety is not increased really, it was just a suprise to get it from making one phone call.

and I would suppose I am in the startup stage though I switched directly from Zoloft to my current meds in a days time... no space inbetween.

The one therapists i talked to goes by your income as to how much she charges but hubby, being and LPN, makes quite a bit. Hence the $78. but i will discuss it with my doc at my next appt in two weeks to see what he says... then again, he did prescribe and anti-depressant that ended up costing me $126 lol

If you have to squeeze $$$ for a while, the outcome will be so worth it!

It took me a long time to go through with that first app.
Actually cancelled a few times. I thought for sure I was going to be locked up in a ward!
Theres nothing you can say that they have never heard of before. In 10yrs, my Pdoc only raised his brows a few times
I have some trust issues and opening up was really hard for me, esp the ptsd part.
But to be honest, it feels good to get everything out!

I know so well those feelings of getting started. It's normal to feel anxious about calling. I came up with a million excuses not to. I knew I needed it because my life was a mess and getting worse. It was not only effecting me, but everyone around me!

Good luck, and I hope you find a way to get going! Therapy is an important part of getting better. It has helped me a lot!

p.s. I don't know if any thing I've said you find helpfull, but I am trying

You are very sweet and helpful, my anxiety didnt come from the thought of going to therapy though, I am as mentally prepared for that as i can be, it was more the thought of not being able to go that got to me. Sure it will be a little scary at first but moreso from the fact that I will find out how much like my mom I am. and I am not sure how supportive hubby is of therapy because he made the comment that he didnt want his personal business being talked about, hence my fear and anxiety that I won't be able to go.

Sorry if this feels like i am butting in, I can empathise with you about the feeling anxious about not being able to get help as oppose to being anxious about the treatment. I go through the same thing as it can take me a very long time to call the doctor out of fear he will say he wont see me or help me. It took me more than a month to call my psychiatrist and now I have to wait for him to call me since it's been 2 years since i last saw him. (so far it's been 3 days and now i can call back on monday)

As for your husband, Try to reassure him that the doctors/therapists are bound by a code of ethics and are not allowed to repeat anything they hear. (not to mention, as it was said before, there probably isnt anything they haven't heard before) Also you can explain that you dont feel compelled to go to therapy because of anything he has done, but instead due to the discomfort of your heart pounding and racing, and as a result his personal business will not be discussed. Also try to explain that you find him supportive and loving and do not feel he is a hinderance to your issue.

Wheter or not this is true, i don't know, but I think he may be worried he will be blamed for any problems you are facing, and any reassurance may help your case!

Your anxiety is probably bad enough without having to worry about being able to get help. I really hope you can convince him to help you with this.

Again sorry if i'm butting in where i shouldn't be or for anything i've said that you may not agree with

This may be a bad joke but it sounds like your anxiety was showing itself in your response to me.

The reason I am posting here i to get advice and a listening ear from other people that deal with the same things as I do because no one else around me can truly understand. I think you hit the nail on the head with your statement about my husband though. he has mentioned a fear that he is driving me crazy, which really isnt the case at all. He is using the money issue as a way to back out gracefully.

I try to avoid taking my xanax when I can but yesterday I had to take two because the therapy thing is bothering me. Plus, the on place i did talk to said they were switching therapists so I would have to wait a week or more for the therapist to call me and set up an appt.

You never have to apologize to me because you arent butting in. why else would I be posting here if i didnt want people to respond lol.

Now I feel as if I should apologize, It is just one of my pet peeves when people apologize for no reason. :p all is good and thanks for the input. Sometimes the only thing that helps is advice from a third party that is not close to the situation.

Thanks for the reply, I actually get anxious posting, as for some reason, for the past few months i've been paranoid about causing conflict with people. It gets really bad sometimes, especially when driving, anytime someone is behind me, i feel like they are following me because i may have cut them off or done something else to them. I can't even go to the grocery store alone.

It's gotten to a point where if i help someone with something and they say "thank you", i respond with "NO! Thank you!" I feel weird after and think "why can't i just say "you're welcome!"

And here we go again with me wanting to apologize for talking about my problems but i'll try and tough it out and think rationally and assume you won't be offended.

Enough about me, how come you try to avoid taking the xanax? Did the place you called comfirm you will get an appointment with the new therapist?

I have actually gotten that same paranoia about people following me home or that if I happen to be behind someone going the same way as me that they will think i am following them. so no worries, you are not alone in that even if mine is not as extreme. and I feel anxious about posting sometimes because I tend to be really blunt and honest and some people dont like that.

as to the xanax... my mom abused that drug so much that I am afraid I will to or that i will become tolerant to it... but I really have no problem taking something that helps me. and i have had to take it the last few days because I start shaking so bad. and it won't be until next week when the therapist calls back.

and you will find that I am very active in the forums I register too... so I will reply anytime you post. To be honest, I get anxious when people don't reply.

Do you have any idea where the paranoia is coming from? Do you think it could be a side effect of the meds, or in my case a withdrawl effect? I don't mean to pry but did your mom suffer from anxiety/depression as well? I worry that it is hereditary and don't think i ever want to have kids, as i may pass this on to them! (although neither of my parents suffer from it, but one of my cousins said that my grandfather did)

Does the xanax help calm you down when you take it? I think that since you know someone who abused the drug, you have developed a respect for it and would be alot more cautious and aware when you take it to ensure you don't abuse it. I know its only Monday but have you heard from the therapist yet? I had to leave another message for mine as i still havent heard from him, even though i called last wednesday!

my mom has always been paranoid and doesnt trust anyone. She is bipolar, anxious all of the time... she is a self harmer, has social anxiety/phobia, has always abused her meds, mixed them with alcohol, and other drugs... she never let us hug our daddy when we were young before he died because that was his job, and she is very warped with sex... like I said my two year old was flirting once, and she is like that doesnt sound right, or she thinks everyone is out to abuse you. She claims to be molested when she was a kid but she also lies about eveyrthing. She has been in and out of jail, blah blah blah...

The xanax helps some, but not completely I guess. and you would think that being on the meds I am on, my heartrate would be slower but even with meds it stays at 115 to 123 beats per minute when the norm is 60 to 70. and not yet on the therapist... I will give it a few more days.

the paranoia is not a side effect because I get paranoid that if hubby happens to look at something of adult content online or sees another woman who I think is cuter than me, that he will find her more attractive and see her mentally when he is with me. I am paranoid that he will end up leaving me though he has done nothing but love me and support me. this paranoia probably comes from my moms self image and how she treated daddy... and from the fact that my dad died when I was 12. but I am not a therapist lol

You may not be a therapist, but you have a rational explanation as to why you may be experiencing some of these feelings/thoughts! You seem to fear becoming like your mother. Are your panick attacks usually trigured by thoughts of your mother?

With regards to your paranoia and your husband (fearing he will leave you, even though he is loving and supporting) I find this very thought provoking. The same thing happened to my cousin. She would often tell me she is worried her boyfriend would leave her even though he never did anything to her that would rationalize this thinking! He even bought her a car, it was an inexpensive used car, but still was a struggle for him to afford, which i saw as a very strong indication he was in the relationship for the long haul. She still was afraid he would leave her for someone else. Her parents did not have the best marriage and perhaps her feelings were derived from what she grew up with, just as your feelings may be derrived from.

She now sees a therapist and seems to be coping alot better and no longer has these feelings. I'd like to mention that she too suffered from anxiety just as her father did, which brings me back to my fear that it is inherited or at least the gene is inherited and perhaps something has to trigger it for the anxiety to appear.(and as a result i will pass it on to my kids if i decide to ever have any)

I find that majority of my anxiety is derived from thoughts that are irrational and have never occured. For example, I become anxious when going to restaurants as i think everyone is watching me and will perhaps think i'm weird etc. However no one has ever said or done anything to me in order for me to feel any rational discomfort at a restaurant.

I fear conflict everywhere i go, yet i have never been in any situation where any conflict has ever risen. (except for one road rage situation where i cut someone off accidentaly and when they cut me off, i provoked him by getting in front of him and slamming my breaks, causing a small chase to pursue, resulting in him throwing a rock (or some object) at my window wich put a small chip in it. I can now rationalise that a simple "sorry wave" or no reaction at all would have ended the situation quite peacefully!) but no situation at the grocery store or dry cleaner etc.

I develop sever anxiety when in classrooms or in any situation where i am alone and surrounded by strangers. The last time i saw my psychiatrist, he attributed this to a fear of being rejected by my peers and somehow i would associate this with my demise (that i would basically not be able to survive without the acceptance of others) Yet, i can not ever remember a situation where i felt rejected. In fact, the few times i was in a group, in the end i felt as though i was a valued member of the group. Yet to this day, i canot even drive by or near my old university (where i droped out and still have not returned) without becoming quite anxious.

It's interesting to me, that whenever someone else comes to me to explain they feel anxious about something, or they have a problem with something, i can rationalize to myself and sometimes to them, that there is no logic to their thougths and reality. Such as with my cousin and her feelings that her boyfriend would leave her, even though he offered her nothing but love and support. Yet in my situations, even thinking logically and rationally can not bring a single ounce of comfort or ease to my anxiety. I find it upsetting to know that the mind (or at least my mind, and the minds of people suffering from anxiety) will always ignore the logical thought process for the illogical/irrational thoughts when dealing with itself.

Any ways, i hope you hear from the therapist soon, so that you feel better and happier.

This post has been edited by justcallmebuddy: Aug 11 2008, 09:46 PM