I'm a early 30's guy. I am depressed beyond belief. Money, career, ex-wife, kid I can't see due to divorce, distance, money. Everything is going wrong it seems. I went to the ER last week with crushing chest pain out of no where.

I'm anxious too. I worry constantly. All of my worries are real 40k student loan debt, money problems galore, problems, problems, problems.


I'm overweight. Severe sleep apnea (I'm on cpap). Not hardly any cash to work with. I've got to have a tooth pulled because I can't afford a root canal even with insurance paying half. No friends. Nothing.

What would you do? I got a prescription from a family doc a year ago. He gave me .25 as needed Xanax - I never felt it did anything. I eventually just stopped taking it. I read up on it and it said the effects should be pretty quick. I never noticed a thing.

I'm embarrassed to talk to doctors. I tell them what is wrong, but I refuse to get all emotional in front of a stranger. I don't think they realize how bad it is.
I told the doctor, "I'm extremely depressed and anxious."

I live in a rural area. No support groups. I've checked. I think my

I don't know where to start - with money being at the root of everything.

What would you do. Is anything really going to help, if all my problems are real?

I can't even seem to make friends at all. I have not had a single friend since high school.

I think the best thing right now for you (and granted, I'm not a doctor) is to try and develop some kind of support line that you can go to if things get crappy and you just need to vent. I think the only way for you to be able to help yourself and other people help you is to be honest and open with people. I completely understand not wanting to open up to a stranger. I have had so many therapists and psychatrists that it took me months to open up to... I think they were getting frustrated because I kept coming in and telling them how much my life sucked but wouldn't go into any detail... People can't read minds and you have to give them information to help you, along with maybe getting some things off your chest.

As far as the money thing goes, I can completely relate. I just graduated last May with a combined bachelors and masters degree and can't even find a job... I'm thousands of dollars in debt and have no money for even food or an apartment. I've been living with my parents for the last couple of months, but eventually want to move back because I have a couple of part time jobs that I really love.

I hope things get better for you soon. Take care and if you ever wanna talk or vent, I'm here.

Thats the problem. I just moved. I know noone. There are no social opportunities around here. I say hi to people at work and try to talk. It just doesn't work. If there was a depression support group within an hours drive, I'd go. There isn't. When I went to the emergency room last week, they asked if there was anyone that they could call for me. There wasn't. All of my family is dead. One of my two childrean are 1000 miles away and I have not seen them since they were 3 (almost 10 years ago). I am really alone. Part of the problem is that noone wants some depressed guy telling them all there problems. Most guys in these parts certainly are not the bastions of 'caring'. I can't really be friends with women as most my age are married with kids, and that'd be creepy for them. So I just smile in public, and stay alone.


I don't know what to do. I'm only 30 something and I feel like I've screwed up in ways that can't ever be fixed. I don't have anything to offer to someone.

I'm just numb

Part of what I fear is that I am going to have to come to grips with the fact that for all intensive purposes it isn't going to get better for me.

This post has been edited by solennial: Aug 3 2008, 08:26 PM

Hi solennial,

I am sorry to hear that you are in such an awful predicament. Of course your problems are real, and I feel your lack of support, but by coming to this board you have definately found somewhere that will help give that to you. People on this board are always willing to help, venting and sharing really does help alot. Also by coming here and sharing your story, even if it is anonymously, you can look at it as a first step in sharing your problems with someone else. I know how difficult this can be, I was in the same boat for quiet sometime, but I cant stress to you enough how important it is that you eventually start to overcome this even if it is really hard. Talking to someone is very important in recovery, even if it doesnt seem that way now, once you start you realise how much just telling someone what is going on with you helps. You should not be embarassed in the slightest in telling a doctor, you problem is a common one and doctors will understand. It wont necessarily help with all your problems, but it will help you emotionally which is really important, having someone at hand to talk to will also help a little bit with your social isolation. You indicated that you live in a rural area, is it possible for you to access a psychiatrist in anyway where you live? Psychiatrists are really important in your battle against depression and anxiety, in both talk therapy and medication. They are much better than GP's with medication because this is their speciality and they are generally more informed about this. Regular contact with them will watch your medication, adjust or change it if it doesnt seem to be working. Eventually you will come to the right one for you, but this can take time and experimentation and you have to be patient, and I wont mince words, it can be hard. I read that you tried Xanax, which is for anxiety if I am correct, but stopped. While meds can often work quickly, in some cases they can take a while, so you need to give them an extra chance to work if they dont do so quickly. Especially considering all the stress you are under at the moment, you may well need the extra support. Medication may well help take the edge off you depression/ anxiety and help you to cope better with your stresses and perhaps be better able to resolve them when in a better frame of mind. In terms of money, one of the few things one can be certain of in life is money stress. I too am in my early 30's and am financially ruined, am in a poor paying job, and can see no way in overcoming it. My bipolar and depression have contributed to ruining my credit history and means that I am in a stuck in this position at the moment. My severe depression means that I cannot function well enough to get an extra job etc to help me out of this rut. I even had to have a tooth pulled because I couldnt afford the root canal too!!! I know it may not help, but you are not alone in this predicament, many people on this board are in the same boat in terms of finances, whether because of not be able to work for years at a time, or by manically spending all there money or whatever. Financial advise is hard, perhaps baby steps are the best, can you pay even tiny amounts off your debts? Even the smallest amount will help as it all adds up, and will help you feel a bit better about the situation. Maybe some sort of financial advisor would help you to work out some sort of plan that can help you to get out of the situation you are in. Stress as you would well know is such a strong trigger for depression. Many people suffer through their depression alone for years, but it is important that you get help as soon as you can, even if it is hard, you emotional health is just as important as your physical health. Maybe even exercise as much as you can, again a hard one. Exercise is a proven way to reduce stress, which seems to be the most important thing you can do. It releases chemicals in your brain, such as endorphins that activally reduce stress chemicals. A doctor once told me that weight training is proven to be the best form of exercise for depression, no one is sure exactly why. Weight loss will also help with self asteem and if you feel better physically it will help your frame of mind. These are some of the things I would do to help my situation. I hope some of it helps.
Good luck and let us know how you are going.