Hello everyone. I really need some advice, and some kind ears to listen.

My name is Bryan and I live in Tennessee. I have been dealing with depression for most of my life, but things came to a head three years ago when my girlfriend of five years left me for another a guy. After that I felt like there wasn't anything worth living for, and it was a struggle to get through each day. I closed myself off from family and friends. I even almost lost my job because I couldn't concentrate on anything at work. A year later I found out that my granfather had liver cancer. He was the most important person in the world to me, and the one person that would take the time to listen to me. I lost him in July 2007, and I felt like there was noone out there that would understand.

Then I met someone at work in December of 2007, and we started dating. I thought everything was going well until Wednesday night. She told me she was getting tired of my being closed off from her, but she was willing to help me. Then later that afternoon she decided she couldn't do it, and she wasn't sure if we would work out. She is moving out this Saturday. She just recently met another guy, that she says she is just friends with, and that it had nothing to do with her leaving me. Everything was going so well, I have a decent paying job, going back to finish my degree.

Last night she said she was going out with her mother to get some things to move, but she was really out with this other guy. When I confronted her about it she told me that she didn't tell me that she was going out with him because she didn't want me to worry about them doing things. She promised me that nothing is going on with him. But the thing is she lied to me. If she was honest about why she lied then I can understand her motive, but it still hurts that she lied to me.

She is sayin that we can take things slow, and maybe see where things could go. But I can't get everything out of my head. The thought of her being with this other guy keeps swimming through my head and it's killing me. The thought of never winning her back is killing me. My emotions are completley out of control. I simply can not shake these feelings. The last time I felt like this I honestly didn't want to live anymore. I just wanted to do anything to escape the pain, and now those feelings are back. It's scaring me to death. I just feel so alone and empty inside. I really don't have anyone to talk to, so I found this forum. I'm hoping somone on here can please help me. I'm just at the end of my road and I don't know what to do. Please help me.

Hi and Welcome Dante

I'm sorry that your girlfriend has just left you, that's hard, painful and really, really devastating.
People who have never suffered from depression find it very hard to understand someone who does and she may have really been battling with that. I'm sorry she lied to you, even though it was probably her intention to not hurt you. In my experience with lies the truth always comes out in the end anyway and the lie hurts more than the truth. Sorry that she could not just tell the truth.

You have got through this before, you will be able to get through it again. You may not feel it right now, you may be in a lot of pain right now, but you will get through this. If it was not meant to be, it means that there is someone way more special than her for you one day.

Take this time to do things for yourself, to learn and understand yourself. You have us to talk to. Sorry about all your losses, but you do have us, we will listen.

I realize you must be hurting right now, but we are here to listen.

Trace

Thank you so much.

Right now I have a lot going through my head. I haven't slept in the past two days or eaten in three days. I couldn't even go into work today.

It's just so hard. I don't know what to do.

To DF Dante

Sorry to hear that you are feeling so low and not getting any sleep.

Sounds like your gf or ex gf is having the best of both worlds, not working on trying to sort this relationship first and then moving on to the other. Its not fair on you!. Personally I think your just being used while she decides which direction she is taking because at the moment its all roses with the other guy, all the fun is there and then reality comes back down. Is that when she will decide that she wants an exclusive relationship with you or that she doesnt want to be with you.

You shouldnt have to put up with some lieing to you and not telling you the truth, You deserve better, you are worth so much more then that!

Please take sometime to the think about things,
If its ment to be, you will both rekindle the relationship at another time in life,
Thinking of you
&
HUGS
Isabeau

Hi there, this must be a very painful time for u my heart goes out to you, its not conclusive if this is betrayal. What i would say to you and this is very important iv been through therapy and become aware of this type of thing being much more than meets the eye, i wish i could share all my knowledge with you at this time as it would be a real eye opener and would soften the blow.Take every day as it comes or every hour as it comes no more, use destraction to help a good point here is you dont actually have to think about this if you dont want to, you dont have to deal with this right now either if you dont want to, the reason i say this is because the devistation that is felt when this happens and that of course is if it has, is seldom just from that person at that time, its probably hard to believe right now but you will most probably be feeling the other times this has happend to you without being aware, a clue here is if you feel at fault, if you feel its your fault ask yourself why? dont take it all on yourself, and remember wounds heal you will get past this pain that you are feeling, importantly letyourself feel SAD go down with the mood and you may feel anger try to safely vent this anger if you can ( a cusion put mentally someones face onto it) and let yourself cry if you can as well.

See its a very difficult time for you, some people equate this type of thing to worse than loosing the partner to death, but note the lack of defence mecanisms kicking in, normally when something this big happens denial takes place, so as to not overwhelm you so you can carry on and fuction, i often note that this is not here as a safety net why? i think its because what is taking place is much much more than this present loss its normally a backlog of unfinished business from the past trying to vent, its hard to believe people set them selves up for big rejection but they do and they unconciously do it for a very important reason, to replay the forgoten past and this time to try to put it right, it stems normally from when we were unable to safely let this out, your vulnerability towards this person(again thats if it is true) has been exposed and you are hurt, when we were children we were very vulnerable and sometimes experience great losses now nature has a way of protecting us at this stage and its by repression, we push it all back because we need to grow up fast and survive this vulnerable stage and then the script is set, as an adult we start to find ways to heal the wounds, we seek the teeth that made those wounds, we find people who will help us replay the past in a hope that it is replayed to grow and heal, a partner is a brilliant way as the intamacy is very similar to that of a parent.

i personally now see pain and grief as part of my life and welcome it because i realise that it brings growth, a good bit of advice back off from your girlfriend and let her be, dont keep contacting her, start to be seen to be getting out and enjoying yourself, associate with other male friends, go out and buy yourself new designer gear, and if you can afford it a new car!!, take it in your stride, and fake it until you can make it if you cannot,dont carry all the vulnerability for her now at this time, you will be making her feel mega safe by your actions by showing this to be a big loss she will be able to take you for granted easy, show her you respect yourself by not doing this and others respect you also, and if your seen with other woman especially younger than her and more attractive the laws of positve association will take place. its time for the war hat to go on, but do it clever, play fair. If i were you i would tell her that you have had a good long think about the situation and she is right to take some time out that this is the best thing for HER and that what ever she chooses that fine and you hope she is happy in her life and that you love her.

Iv been throught bigger betrayal than this recently far worse although im not taking away the pain you are suffering right now, this time round i kicked into action and played it very clever and had great fun in the process!

good luck mate and god bless simon, ps keep us posted were here to help

Thank you all for the kind words.

I am just so very tired. I haven't eaten or slept in days. Everything just seems like a blur anymore, and I feel so dead inside.

Hi, just read your first post and im so sorry youve been through this. It happened to me as well so i know what your going through. Although my denial phase lasted a long time the shock part kicked in and then i felt like you do. I do beleive there is someone for everyone, you wont feel like this for long i hope as it does ease and youll hopefully come out of this with a stronger mind and better instincts. Look after number one. x

Thank you pullyourselftogether,

Things have gotten much better since I first posted this up. I have accepted that she is no longer my girlfriend, and am starting to move on. It is still going to hurt for a while, but I am taking the right steps to heal my heart. Things are getting better, and I have learned so much about myself from all this. Hopefully the next special someone I meet, I won't make the same mistakes as before.

Dante~