Hey Yall,
I am new to this forum.. So I thought I would say hello-- and jump right into why I joined. I am usually...I would like to think... a pretty energetic person who is loud and laughs alot. Ever since I was five, that I can remember- I have had moderate to severe OCD. Yet I have never met anyone with the type of OCD, that I have. When I was younger, it used to be a specific action like walking through doors, or cleaning items and organizing. Yet for quite a number of years now, it has been much different. My OCd seems to be something I carry around with me everywhere, and it limitless in the ways it manifests itself. It can be everything from me thinking I MUST delete/rewrite a paragraph on a term paper even though I know its perfectly fine, to making FREAKish grunting noises when under stress in even numbers. OCD has come and gone in waves in my life and I have learned to make adjustments, and painfully learned to cope with it. I have taken countless medications, and was at point where I finally felt in control of it, instead of vice versa. Then hell happened.

I should mention that although I am a pretty outgoing happy person, I am also a highly anXious person in many ways. In public I am acutely aware of being judged, and judging others. I live in Bozeman MT, and although liberal by MT standards is still a highly WASPISH place full of ignorance by proxy. As such, I have my guard up when I go out on social occasions, and am acutely aware of my surroundings. I guess what is most important to note is that I have a high level of anxiety, around men especially. Even though I am a guy, for various boring reasons that stem back to the father(doesn't it always seem to go back to the father?!!) , I dont alllow men to get close to me whether in friendship or anything else. <at/least/until/a/couple/of/drinks\>

Within the last few month, for no apparent reason, I have literally slipped into a severe depressive state. It was within a couple of weeks I would notice spells where, my emotions were muted and I was numb to outside interactions. I tried pushing out of this state more and more often, but to no avail. WIthin the last 3 weeks, my depression has reached a state where I dont even feel like getting out of bed, to go about my day. I have ****** fallen off the face of the earth as far as friendships are concerned, except for a few text messages. My appetite has decreased dramatically, and my sleep schedule has been completly turned around. Yet what is INSANE about this state, is that there is absolutely NO OCD. I know that ocd is an anxiety disorder, and because of this state of complete numbness, there seems to be no anxiety to feed off of. I have NEVER gone through anything horrible like this before, and It is insanely difficult. I have learned the importance of stress in getting things done, and although anxious I was also fairly ambitious. I literally have a feeling of fogginess and pressure in my head when I try to get out of this state. This state feels somewhat like a protective shell gone horribly wrong because I have no anxiety, but nothing else either.

Sorry for such the long post, I just feel so isolated here , and was wondering if anyone else has had this experience with this type of OCd, and the corollaries of a sudden onset of exhaustion?/depression??
Thanks for everything
JessE

Dear silverice

I am so sorry your feeling horrible it sucks. I don't have ocd but suffer from depression and I isolate alot as well and scared to let my guard down to anyone exept just a few friends from church but thats about it. I have also did self injury (cutting). I have gotten to the point of not wanting to get out of bed as well a couple years ago. I have been taking wellbutrin SR and so far its okay. If you ever want to talk feel free to send me a e-mail and My prayers are with you

Love
Horselady

Hi Silverice,

Oh I know how you feel. I have some ocd tendencies when Im under stress. Mostly I have had troubles with depression. Yes, I will get a heaviness in my head also, right above my eyes. I will get feelings of sadness and feel no joy in anything. It is a horrible way to feel and no matter how you tell yourself not to feel this way you cant stop feeling that way. I take an anti-depressant and am thankful that it is keeping me balanced. The most important thing to remember is that your thoughts when you are depressed are distorted and not true. If you continue to feel bad, I hope you will see a doctor. It may be a chemical imbalance causing you to feel this way. I hope you get to feeling better and find some support on the forum. We are glad to have you here!!

gentle Sun

I used to think everyone was judging me ....... so I sat in a busy shopping centre and watched others: no one looked in my direction, a quick glance maybe but that was all. They were too busy dealing with shopping/crowds/lists/kids/buggies ......... as my psychologist once asked me, "What's so important about *you* that anyone would take notice?" ........

I love to people watch so in social situations I take a back seat and view how others interact. I go along with a few 'topics' if anyone wants to stop by and chat, topics that can open up a conversation but which are not heavy or essential.

OCD is worse for me when I'm stressed. Or if I'm really tired .............