how do you open up and talk to someone about how you feel? i find it impossible and even though the thoughts are there in my head, i just cant get the words to leave my mouth.

Well dolphinac,

Then you should hang out with me as I never miss a podium! Hence, ......

It can be very difficult to talk to someone about our feelings, for many reasons. And only 50% of those reasons are our own.
I think that by virtue of you writing in to this forum is opening up for you. Maybe it would be good if you could continue to come into this site, on a regular and frequent basis, just to write about those thoughts in your head. You don't have to ask a question or be in a specific need of something, you could just dump your thoughts for the sake of. Whoever reads it, fine, if they don't, that's fine too. AND - you could respond to other posts. When you do that, you are engaging in communication that requires 2 people. It is a great eye opener as to the different kinds of people and how differently people react and or respond. As you become more comfortable 'talking' in here, it will build up your comfort zone for doing it in person with others. I guess it's a stepping stone, but a darn good one.

Otherwise, it takes a lot of security to open yourself up on matters such as these. Sometimes you have to decide or learn where exactly you stand with someone, like maybe the degree of friendship or something like this. If you have trust and respect for someone, you may be surprised at the responses you can get. I think that more often than not, most people like to be 'spoken to' and 'listened to.' It's the old 2 way street thing. Maybe if you were with someone you care about, you can find an opportunity to ask them how they are doing, as "they appear to be somewhat down that day, or just not themselves." If you put something out like that, rather than just asking how they are doing, most likely they will open up to you. To which naturally, you reciprocate by opening up to them. However, if people have a general impression of you that you aren't much of a talker, or tend to keep things to yourself, you may have to try harder to change their impressions, as they aren't going to expect to hear you talk personally to them, showing that you care or can empathize for them.

But practice, practice and practice. That's all it is. AND knowing that the thoughts you have are most likely not unique, I hate to tell you. But this is a good thing as you will find comraderie, you just have to open yourself up to it.

Meanwhile, if a little of you rubbed off on me, and a little of me rubbed off on you, we could be a couple of perfect people!
How's this for optimism?

Good luck,
Always Trying

i was normally the person that fixes other peoples problems. i can give good advice to others and to an extent i can talk about my own problems. the difficulty i am having is trying to talk about my deep inner most feelings that i always keep to myself. coming to terms with the fact that i have this illness is one thing, asking for help and being honest about my feelings, worries and thoughts is another.