Ive been dealing with major depression for about 7 months now. Ive been in therapy for about 3 and medication for about 2 months.

Im starting to get back on my feet. Im taking college classes part time again. I just started training in my new job that took a lot of work to get even (serving job at a restaurant). I felt like i was up to it but after the first day im starting to get those feelings again. Feelings of depression, the bottom falling out of me, of great anxiety, and just despair. I can feel it creeping back up in me and im frightened. I hate the fact that I'm like this now. I use to be so competent and capable and i feel just so completely dependent and helpless.

A new job is stressful for everyone. The first few days are always the hardest. Just hang in there and know that things will get better.

This post has been edited by lowkey: Jul 8 2008, 09:10 PM

Thanks for the encouragement. I can't convey how much it means.

The strange thing is, im not afraid of losing the job/getting fired - although I should be since im in some serious financial straights. My fear is that I will have an anxiety attack or some sort of breakdown. I guess that wont be too bad either...embarrassing i suppose. At least it will give my coworkers a good story.

Hi and Welcome Agrippa

I truly believe that stress can cause depression and anxiety.
New jobs are hard. Serving in a restaurant is hard and stressful work, all on its own.
I see you are afraid of the anxiety itself.
It is just a feeling and an emotion, if you let yourself worry about what might happen, then you will end up being more stressed out, heightening the anxiety even more.
Check out the anxiety room as well.

Trace

i know what you mean- even the mere thought of anxiety provokes anxiety!

hang in there. it should get better, as you learn your routines and become more familiar with what to do. it shouldn't be as bad once familiarity kicks in.

Thanks - day 2 was ...better somewhat. I hope that Ill be able to take the pressure. I hope i didnt make a mistake in taking this relatively high stress job. Maybe i should have just taken a job in retail or something.

Working in the food business can hold a lot of demands and be at times, otherwise stressful. And just starting a new job within itself can be a little stressful. But as others have mention, once things become more familiar, and you start getting to know your co-workers things will level off, and hopefully your job will be more enjoyable for you.

"fear of the fear" - a common phenomenon. I get huge anxiety surges before an event, which usually turns out OK ........ wouldn't I love to know in advance whether I was going to have that panic attack

Little steps. Once you get into the swing of the job and your brain gets comfortable with the changes, your body feelings will settle so you should get less anxiety. It's having the courage to go through those awful feelings though .........