I've always had this need to "hold my cards close to my chest" partly because I'm bit paranoiac and partly because I only want people to see only my positive side. It's not good nor healthy, I know it. As I've previously mentioned in another thred I hardly ever tell anyone about my depression. But the hardest thing comes when I'm involved in a sentimental relationship. I never know when is the proper time to tell about my illness. My ex-boyfriend, for instance, accused me of hiding him such an important thing because I only expaiend him about my problem and its gravity only after we moved in together and I began to feel so unwell.
Anyways, I don't want to do the same mistake again, but I also do not want to tell too early because the relationship might not work and I would only feel that I shared one of my greatest fears and then be left alone. And also that this guy would tell everyone about it and people would avoid me.

I would really like to hear your opinion on this...
thanks

I don't think there is an easy answer for when the right time is. Regardless of when you do it, it's going to be something that you're going to have to work through with him. If he can't accept you and love you for who you are, and that includes your depression, then you're not with the right guy. I don't know this guy, and I don't know your relationship with him, and I think in the end the only one who can decide is you. Don't hide it from him, though. As you've already seen, hiding it for so long will just cause you more pain later. It's not an easy thing, and I feel like a total hypocrite trying to give you advice about this. If you're really close and he's openly sharing personal things about his life with you, then he's only going to feel hurt if he finds out that you've been hiding things this important about yourself from him. I think if you're coming to truly know who he is, with all of his ups and downs, then it's probably time for you to do the same for him.

thanks...I really needed some advice...
I think I'll try to tell him soon. We're spending the holiday together and I'm sure there will be some good oportunites. I'm so afraid, though...

This is my personal opinion and when some wiser people come and say its wrong - listen to them!

I think you should tell him but don´t make it into a big and scary deal like go in front of him and say:"We need to talk" and then lead him in another room and sit down with him and have a long conversation about it. Most people who have only heard about depression don´t know how to handle it and when you tell them they might think that you are expecting them to solve this for you. A casual conversation and this being put somewhere in there. And then in time making him understand and tell him what to do when you are having a low point.
Its just a matter of getting used to your partners quirkiness.

Good luck with everything

yes, good point. and it seems easier for me too
thanks

Hi Colourless

It is a wonderful step that you are taking to tell him. It shows that you trust him completely and that is great. Don't be afraid and I agree not to make it a long story just to let out what comes out at the right time. Please let us know how it goes and enjoy the holiday.

Trace

Don't be afraid! I had a man tell me he couldn't love me because of my mental illness. But not long after I started spending time with a great guy who already knew (because I'd mentioned being hospitlized it in my philosophy class) and he did't care. Real love loves you no matter what. I was so devastated with that first guy, but that's his loss. There are actually so many enlightened guys who don't even care or hold it against you, I'm definitely finding that out. Best!

Im going to have to agree with you, it doesnt sound like your paranoid, but your definitely not alone!.....it is perfectly normal to not be outspoken about your illness, as it is not considered a "normal" illness yet, in this day and age....just think, how many people have you met told you they were depressed?....exactely, its not a common thing to tell somebody.....i feel that if you tell 2 or 3 people closest to you the situation in detail, youll be greatly rewarded(from within).....

...about the boyfriend thing, yes a bf might not handle your depression the way youd like early on in the relationship....you might want to search for a loved one who you think is capable of handling personal matters in a mature way.....also, i know its tough, but id recommend waiting for that time when you feel your close enough for your guy not to run away on you, yet not too close where your making plans to move in together!....try to find some happy mid-point.
Hope this helped!
-Tman