I always lose my friends. Why? Because if I'm happy, and I really like my friend, I spend a lot of time and energy caring about them and trying to them good. But, then, it always happens. I feel like I'm not getting anything in return. And, also, I feel resentful because their problems are so petty.

I have never had a girlfriend. I have considered suicide for years. I hate my father, and all my mother does is criticize me. I could go into more detail but I've written about some things that have happened in other posts in this forum. Right now I have been in contact with one person a total of two times in the past year. Yep, that's no exaggeration. Two phone calls, accompanied by some emails surrounding those calls.

I want to have friends, but I can't keep them because my problems are so much worse than theirs, and then it gets to a point where I just don't care about their problems. Of course, this doesn't help the friendship.

I actually did have a friend who was in really bad shape - she was an exception compared to my other former friends. I tried as best I could to help her out, but she misunderstood my intentions and thought I was into her romantically. I was just trying to help her out because her life was really, really bad. Once, I was giving her advice and she yelled at me. I couldn't take it anymore and walked out. I said "good luck" - I meant it and it wasn't sarcastic, and we never saw in each other again. Previously, I had already begun to walk out, but I came back, but this time it was for good.

Her problems were taking a toll because I already had my own problems, and I couldn't handle having to listen to her constantly feeling ungrateful and resentful about everything (I'm not saying she shouldn't be given her horrible life).

But it isn't like I think I am worst off person in the world. I do know that there are people who are slaves, and those who are abused, tortured, raped at this very moment. But because I do feel concern for those people, I get angry when other people are self-absorbed about their lame problems. They have never been depressed or lonely. Give me a hand then, why don't you? You have it great compared to my s*** world, and also compared to the rest of the world.

So the cycle I'm talking about is that I'm depressed because I don't have friends. But in order to keep friends, I have to stop being depressed so that I can be a better friend. In other words, in order to have friends I need to be happy. But in order to be happy, I need to have friends.

I think I understand where you're coming from, No Meaning. It can be hard on the people around us to deal with us when we are depressed, and vice versa.

It's important with friends to be able to put your worries aside and just enjoy the moment. Try talking out your problems with a counselor. Or, speak to a friend that you can rely on, and let them know how you are feeling. Perhaps what you really need is some space to heal and become friends with yourself. The others will follow your lead.

LR

This post has been edited by last_resort: Jun 27 2008, 10:49 PM

What I found No Meaning, is that you have to find your little joys where can get them. Start smaller than having a relationship. Start with doing a smile to yourself in the the mirror. Or maybe it's doing some kind of activity and focusing on that task instead of your sadness. I think it's just taking each moment as it is, with no expectations. For me, I tried to think of a way to help someone else - not like your friend - but maybe a complete stranger, or helping someone with a task at work, or being a greeter at your church. Take small moments to focus on something outside of yourself. And maybe for 1 minute, 5 minutes, an hour - you can not be in that depression. I stopped focusing on the people that rejected me and tried to help the rejected. And I know that you feel you aren't in a position to do that - and I totally understand. It's kind of like when I've trained for 5ks. When I just run, sometimes it seems miserable. But when I am trying to get ready for a race, I kind of forget about the running itself and become so focused on the day by day goals instead and my progress. Life is a race where you have to shoot for goals and maybe some of the time, all of time even, you don't win, but you keep setting goals to give you something to believe in.

I'm thinking of you!!!!!
Good luck!
Nicky

Thanks for your replies. I appreciate your trying to help. It already helped me simply to communicate after not being able to do so given my situation. Keeping things to myself just exacerbated the problem. It also makes me feel better to know that people are out there who want to help.

Anyway, I am going to try to live on my own, at least for now. I have years of experience with it, so it will be easier for me than other people. I will eventually try to make friends again, but I really do need time to work on myself and my self-confidence first.

And you're right about trying to help someone else, even if it's something small. I try to do this as much as possible. However, I also have serious social anxiety, so it makes it difficult for me to be around people or talk to them. But I am also trying hard to work on that, and I am making progress.