i dont want to just get rid of my depression and be happy...being happy doesnt really seem fulfilling to me. what good is being happy? if the purpose of life is to feel happy, then that's a life i dont want to live. life just seems like such a pointless nightmare. i dont care so much about feeling depressed, i just want there to be good reason to not be depressed. i always feel so alone no matter how many close friends i have. most people drive me crazy anyway and this crappy world isnt going to change much. as much as i want to die, i doubt i would ever be drastic enough to kill myself and knowing that i wont kill myself makes me even more scared and depressed because i dont have a way out, so i feel really helpless.
so i guess im asking what is there to do if nothing seems fulfilling to me?
and it's not that i find life unfulfilling because i suffer from depression. it's the other way around...i suffer from depression because i dont find anything in life fulfilling

First off let me Welcome you to DF...
I understand what you are saying. Life seems kinda pointless at times. I think we need to make things exciting. Do you find anything exciting? Do you enjoy anything? Have any hobbies?
What about Friends and family? Sometimes all that gets me through a day is my family or my friends. Even sometimes it is coming on here and talking here. Which gets me through some tough stuff.
Angel

to DF, (((((DreamerDisease)))))

I understand what you're saying, and I've felt that way many times. Going after happiness directly doesn't seem to work, and it can even make you feel more empty. It sounds to me like you're more interested in finding purpose, and that can take a while and a lot of trial and error. Keep looking and trying, though, and you'll find it. It may not be one grand purpose, but rather some little things that give you fulfillment. I get a lot of pleasure out of being creative, and helping others. I'm no big hero and I don't do anything especially grand, but I do what I can and enjoy smaller moments of joy throughout the day. I also feel bored and disappointed at times, every day. I get down when I think of the major problems all over the world, so I try to focus on what I can do in the moment, right where I am, to bring a little light into the world.

I'm glad you joined us, and I hope this site can bring some fulfillment to your day!

I don't quite understand this. How are you be able to be happy without being fulfilled? Maybe we have different definitions of happiness. So you're saying you suffer from depression because you don't find anything in life fulfilling? Wouldn't that mean in order to not be depressed, you're going to have to find something in life fulfilling? So basically you really can't get rid of the depression until you find something in life that fulfills you.

Right now, I'm kinda in the same position. Nothing makes me happy and I have no goals or outlooks or dreams in life. But I am hoping that I can find something.

maybe its not actually about been happy, especially not all the time, more to do with getting the balance right.