Hello,

This is my first time on this forum or any forum and I was amazed at all the comments. It does feel good to know that I’m not alone, but sure don’t wish any of this on anyone. I was always a shy child, low esteem, etc. due to a bunch of caca-like experiences but was able to function. However, over the past 7 to 8 years, it has gotten much worse with even more caca-like experiences.

Was taking Zoloft for a while… took it for a year, and then stopped taking it. I felt better and didn’t want to be so dependant on the meds. Anxiety started kicking my butt and I started it again, after feeling better I’d stop again. Probably not the best decision, but I keep thinking, trust in God and he will lift all of your burdens and was too embarrassed to admit that, “I AM SEVERLY DEPRESSED and HAVE EXTREME ANXIETY DISORDER”. I’ve isolated myself from the world. Go to work then home and a lot of times, can’t even get out of bed to go to work. I don’t go anywhere due to extre hee heme social anxiety… My soul is tired! I’m angry at myself for letting things get so bad and now I fear everything. Don’t believe in myself, confidence is like non–existent and boy do people treat you bad when you’re feeling bad… just broken hearted.

Tried talking with a few about it and they just don’t get it and I’m such a private person, guess one wouldn’t know. Recently tried to get back out into the world… get in contact with old friends, went a few places, etc., it lasted for about 1 month, but there was no joy in any of these things… Plus I felt so inadequate – seems like everyone was so happy, confident and just able to function – they seemed comfortable in their skin and I felt like I stood out like a sore thumb. So, slowly, but surely I crawled back into my shell – this dark, melancholy, lonely a$$ place. I’m Mad!

This is my first step, reaching out… 2nd step will be to make an appointment with a Psch tomorrow. Life wasn’t always this bad, but it’s gone on for so long, don’t know where to begin… this is just the tip of the iceberg. I may be rambling and please forgive the length, but there’s so many thoughts running through this brain and I needed to communicate with someone. I want to let go of the past, forgive and forget. Get my confidence back up and believe in me. Once I believe in me, others will too and life will be less stressful – the anxiety will probably go away too. I just don’t know how to get there. Please help, can’ do this alone anymore:(

Lord Have Mercy,
Quote;This is my first step, reaching out… 2nd step will be to make an appointment with a Psch tomorrow. Life wasn’t always this bad, but it’s gone on for so long, don’t know where to begin… this is just the tip of the iceberg. I may be rambling and please forgive the length, but there’s so many thoughts running through this brain and I needed to communicate with someone. I want to let go of the past, forgive and forget. Get my confidence back up and believe in me. Once I believe in me, others will too and life will be less stressful – the anxiety will probably go away too. I just don’t know how to get there. Please help, can’ do this alone anymore:(" End Quote.
I suffered from depression for a few years and now I am well and recovered.
1. Go to all your Psychiatric and Therapy appointments. This is your education and your ticket to recovering.
2. Limit talking about your depression, to people that have been or are depressed, your Doctors and the members of the DF.
3. Try very hard to take one day at a time.
4. DO NOT GIVE UP! Your life is important!
Make it a Team effort to get well, You first, Your Psychiatrist and Your Therapist, all together.
Welcome to the DF!
Doug

This post has been edited by duggie: Jun 20 2008, 01:05 AM

Talk to a dr or therapist and consider medication if you are not already taking it
Try some healthy lifestyle changes - ie dietary changes, meditation/yoga/tai chi, aerobic exercise, avoid caffiene and so on. You dont have to do it all at once, try one small change at a time (ie try to eat more fruit or make sure you are eating at least one healthy meal a day).
Take things one small step at a time, dont put too much pressure on yourself
Try not to over think things, going by my own experience, im a sure that a lot of the time, people prone to anxiety and depression focus inwards far too much and over think/analyse everything. Try to focus outwards to give your mind a rest from analysing itself, your symptoms and your life. Dont ignore the problem (find possible solutions) but dont feed it by worrying.
Take up a new hobby if you have the energy, i find arts and crafts to be very theraputic. They can also help me to get out of my own head.
Dont give up
Hug someone - sounds odd, but i find it helps.

With that in mind *hugs for you*

MM

This post has been edited by Moonlight_Magic: Jun 20 2008, 01:26 AM

Thanks Duggie - really appreciate the advice. I did make an appointment with Dr. for Monday to do an assessment test, so we'll see how this goes. I'm pretty optimistic about it - finally, maybe some things will start making sense and Congratulations to you on your recovery. Peace and Blessings...

Thanks MM, I have an appt. on Monday so we’ll see how that goes… appreciate your comments too. Avoid caffeine… there goes my fix to make it through the work day… what is really catching me is that I need to take one small step at a time. I get so frustrated and upset, try to make all changes in a day, get frustrated when it doesn’t work out and sink even lower… one small step at a time… the hugs definitely work – I try to get at least 5 a day… just need to get out of my head for a while, can’t even sleep right now… thanks again. Peace and Blessings.

What duggie and Moonlight Magic said!
Just wanted to emphasise the 'one thing at a time' part. Taken together it is SOOO overwhelming. Just focus on the thing you are doing now, and then the thing you do next. Try not to sit and look at how bad your whole life is. I'm having to do the same right now.

Just wanted to agree to and add thats how taking my life back and sitting here today I can it does work for me. Its hard sometimes but its so worth it.

HUGS
Isabeau

Conspicuous,
I can't relate to the long struggle. People who have made it through this for years are amazing. You don't know how strong you really are.

One thing in my recent but very very dark bout with depression that I've found is that surrounding myself with positive experiences is a must. I think you have to do tiny tests to find things that make you feel better. For example, for me, I was okay while I was at work, but sad at home. So I started doing more things away from home. I called my cousin who I hadn't talked to in years. It was a lot of social anxiety in my situation. Today I have all the doors and windows open (which has been realy hard for me.) However, if I push myself TOO far, I end up back where I started curled in a ball. Another thing I found is I have to get enough good food in a day - not too much and not too little. If I eat too little, I think my blood sugar drops and I can't seem to cope. Surround yourself with ANYONE who makes you feel good.

Wish you the best,
Nicky

Conspicuous - I have to say that I could have written that post myself - darn near word for word. I've started Cymbalta with great results that I could tell within a day or 2. I wish I could feel like this all the time. I have diagnosed my anxiety disorder that without a doubt, goes back to the 4th grade when I went through a horrific spell of fearing the wind of all things. Before that, I had a spell in Kindergarten where inexplicably I was afraid of going because I thought Mom and Dad wouldn't be home when I got back. And these irrational fears just kept building. It's really a miracle that I'm even alive after going down the suicidal thought road. It's been hard to come to terms with the fact that yes, I do have a mental illness, a disease, a mental illness. But now that I've started admitting it to myself and others as well as acknowledging my personal limitations, life seems quite a bit easier although certainly less exciting than it once did simply because the excitement was needed to counter the fear.

I've battled an embarassing addiction problem for 25 years and have recently begun to make great personal strides in conquering it. I've prayed a lot but it seems *everything* in my life up until now was dictated by fear. So I'm finding a *tremendous* amount of solace in reading real-life examples from many others who suffer from the same debilitating condition. It's really nice to know you're not alone although depression tells you otherwise.

Erin