My life is stagnant; I exist in a depression-driven, hollow void. I have a couple things here that I like, even love, like a boyfriend & actually my underpaying job. But because of depression I am unable to enjoy them.

I'm D*** good at what I do when everything is right in my head, which has been about 3 days total this year. The rest of the time I pretty much suck, for that reason advancement in my career is virtually impossible at this point. When I called in late this morning my supervisor resonded with a "we need to talk when you get here"... about my attendance/punctuality. She's aware of my depression & anxiety problems & has been very accomodating & understanding, as much as she can be. But she has a job to do & so do I, so I understand that the rope is wearing thin. I even got a job offer from another agency with a pretty decent increase in salary, but I had to turn it down because I know they wouldn't accomodate me the way they do here. I could have really used that extra $$, things are tight as it is, and depression itself can be costly to manage financially depending on if a person is on meds, seeing a psych, a therapist etc. I've been thinking I may have to sell my condo & gat a small apartment, I've only had it for two years but I'm having touble making ends meet & I don't need [even more] screwed up credit from missing mortagage payments or god forbid, repossession.

I don't have much else here, maybe only two friends, & they both have plans to move out of state in the next two years. I'm not very close to my family, except somewhat with my mom. My brother doesn't acknowledge my existence, & my dad never even asks how I am, only when I'm going to get my expired car inspected.

Suicide is on my mind, alot. However I could never do that to my bf, so in my head I'm sticking around for him. Someone on this forum already advised me to to make at least try to make a big life change before committing to committing suicide. I've been letting that marinate & it's worth a shot, besides, I don't know if I ever actaully could go through with killing myself even if I my bf wasn't around.

So now I figure why hate myself & be depressed with no friends, in a cramped apartment, with a job that's going nowhere in a city I loathe; when I can at least be all those things in a place I might actually like with nice weather?

I think I've been fooling myself that if I can't make it here I can't make it anywhere, that I have ties here when I really don't. So is it worth a shot? Or will my depression just stick with me leaving me feeling the same where ever I go?

I can't tell you that there will be a change cause you move. sometimes a fresh start can be a great thing. But what happens if its not all you wanted it to be. Then where do you go from there? I'm not discourging you in any way. I just want to make sure you have a back up plan is all.

It may help, it may not. In my experience, it helps for awhile and then the novelty wears off and you are back where you started. Not putting down roots and drifting may contribute to depression as well because one might feel disconnected. Having to start over takes an incredible amount of energy.

I moved.

The thing is this; if you don't change, life won't get any better. Like Above and Beyond said, once the novelty wears off, you're back to square one. Even worse maybe, because you have the stress of moving and setting up life (bank accounts, work, etc.)

It really sounds great in theory, and I had really high hopes. But I'm still the same person. I wasn't going out to bars and clubs back home, so why would I do it here? It's just not me.

It could be what you need though, to get away from someplace that's become stagnant for you. So, good luck in whatever you choose.

Thanks for your responses guys, you've definitely given me some insight & gave me alot to consider before making such a big change. Based on an experience I had tonight, I'm again thinking it doesn't matter where I am, I will feel this way. I just don't what else to do, what other options do I have?