sometimes I feel like such s*** because i'm so afraid of doing things that I want to do like traveling overseas or enrolling in a new course or making new friends or whatever, I know I can't do it and it absolutely makes me sick to my stomach because of how stupid I am that i can't do anything and it really just makes me upset because I want to do so many things but I can't I want to just curl up in a ball and die or cry I have panic attacks and chronic anxiety not diagnosed of course because I'm too damned scared to go to a doctor but its there and always has been I want to puke because I've made my life so miserable :(sorry if this doesn't make sense feel free to delete I guess I just needed to vent.

Your life will only get better if you go out and try to accomplish these things. Your anxiety will not get better if you sit on your butt at home and do nothing about it. Improving your life requires effort--and if you are willing to work into the right direction then you will improve your life.

You took the first step. You need to vent.
I can relate to your situation. That is why I came back here after a long absence.
On Saturday I went to a graduation party for an old high school buddy's daughter. Everything was going fine until the panic attack set in. There were so many people trying to helpful that just made it worse. They did not understand that I need to be alone at that point. Eventually I had to leave early.
I don't look at it as a failure. I did it. I got out of my cave of an apartment and went somewhere. The next time I will do better.
Stick around here. Even if you are just read others post and replies. You will find friends and support to help you get you foot out the door and towards a good doctor.

Everyone who has started to get treatment for anxiety started out in exactly the same place you're in today. 10 years ago I couldn't take my wife out to lunch at the mall food court because of my personal anxiety problems. Traveling overseas - ha ! not in this lifetime. But you've started to take the first step, and that's important. The next step is to talk to your physician about this problem, and start a treatment plan. It's estimated that 1% of the US population have anxiety problems. You're not alone. Talk to your doc, ask them about options for anxiety including meds, counseling, etc. This site is full of success stories about overcoming anxiety, and people who share your same issues.

Spanky.

Hi Cessna,

I can related to what you said, almost a year ago I went through some changes in my life that caused me to really take a look at my life
and decisions that I have made in the past.
There are a lot of things that I feel I missed out on compared to other people I know, when growing up. When I hear of how other people can do things like car mechanics, home repairs ect. I start to get depressed and then I feel left out of the conversation and get depressed about who I am. I also feel stupid and when I get depressed/ withdrawn or whatever you want to call it - everything gets worse and feel very alone.
I am also afraid of doing such things as a singles weekend because I am afraid I will withdraw and get depressed and have a bad time.
I push myself into doing things but many times don't feel 100% . I always feel like I am 2 steps behind everyone and always wish I was like someone else.
I have been to my doctor and am now on zoloft. I am trying to find myself and to figure out what will make me happy.
My main point is that I do understand how you feel and my attitude is to keep on trying until I find some answers.

Ben

Let me say first that everyone, and I mean everyone, has things that they are not able to do. I don't know anyone who isn't afraid of something. I've suffered from panic attacks and chronic anxiety as well as depression and it does make it very hard to do things. I'm glad you decided to talk about it here on the forums. Talking about it with people who can understand is a good place to start. Baby steps is the best way to start with anxiety. Find out the name of a doctor, psychiatrist or therapist. You don't have to make the appointment. Just get a name. Then try picking up the phone without dialing the number. When you finally feel comfortable with that, try dialing the number. If you panic when someone answers, you can always hang up. The idea is to try to work your way up to making the appointment. When you do, if you can have a friend or family member take you, that usually helps a lot. A book that helped me enormously is "Don't Panic" by Reid Wilson. It's available in many bookstores or on-line in paperback - so it's not expensive. I was on my way to becoming agoraphobic. It was getting harder and harder for me to leave the house. An odd twist to my panic attacks was my inability to stand in line - I couldn't go to a grocery store or anywhere I might have to stand in line. With the help of my therapist and Reid Wilson's excellent book, I was able to desensitize myself to the things that were causing me to have panic attacks. I won't say that I will never have another panic attack, but I'm much, much better than I was. You can get help and you can help yourself, too. Start with getting Wilson's book and reading it. That's probably the least scary thing you can do right now.

From one who's been there - let us know how you're doing ...

No, it makes complete sense... Recently, I've been thinking about all the things that I want to do, but in my heart I know that I can't do them because of all the pressure and stress it would cause me... I'm not sure if this is what you're feeling, but it's frustrating knowing that I have limits and that even though the things that I want to do would make me happy, I also would become very stressed and depressed at the same time and not be able to handle it.
Good luck in figuring everything out and know that whatever you decide to do, if you are happy, is more than anyone can ask for. :)

Cessna: venting is a great first step and hopefully you have now seen that you are not alone in how you feel. I also get frustrated at myself because of what I cannot do; I compound the problem by getting annoyed that I am not a good candidate for medication due to side effect issues. But, I read all I can on my disorder and I try anything non-pharmaceutical that I think could work. I get better and then I feel like I am getting worse. It is a process and you have to be easy with yourself and give yourself the opportunity to grow. This forum is a great place and has saved my a** a hundred times. Some days, just knowing that I am not the only one who feels a certain way has made a lot of difference and turned my whole day around. I encourage you to seek qualified, professional help, and explore all options before you. You can find a regime that works for you and then, as you improve, you will be pleasantly surprised at how much you can actually do and do well. Don't give up and keep checking in to the forum - even if it is just to vent.

To the original poster, try Adderall XR. This drug makes me more extroverted and able to face my anxiety, it also blows my depression out of the water :)