I've fallen into about as deep a hole as ever before. I can't even by bothered to shower or shave any more, I don't excercise or leave the house, I can't even get the initiative to read my favorite book. Everybody irritates me now, and I just wish they'd leave me alone. Now here I am, sitting in my parents house on welfare.
I should be on disability, but because the MRI's and X-Rays can't show what's wrong with me, the disability office, my doctors, even my friends think I just suffer from a typical sore back that I'm over-complaining about. The night before last my leg went into such extreme pain that I called 911 at midnight, the ambulance took me to the hospital with my face covered in sweat and tears; the pain I was in was utterly indescribeable. They hooked me up to the morphine pump, I fell asleep, and the next morning I was discharged without so much as a quick visit from the doc to discuss my situation.

My pain keeps getting worse, and nobody will believe me except my immediate family. I can't deal with day-to-day life any more, it's just always there and always getting worse. My doc keeps saying she refuses to up my pain-med dose (the same dose I've been on for 7 months), and if it's not working any more then she'll just cut me off; telling me I'm "better off without them" and "should just learn to deal with it".

Now my Mom keeps pushing me to sign up for school again, and I know I can't manage it in this physical and mental condition. I'm totally trapped. The disability office won't believe me, the doctors won't believe me, so there's no help anywhere to be had. I feel like I want to kill myself... I don't mean that in a metaphorical sense either. I'm not gonna do it, I guess, but I'm completely cornered and out of options.

Hi Gandalf,

I have been there and done that and all I can tell you is that you need to keep looking for a doctor that will hear you. I know how frustrating it can be, but there is really nothing else to do. All the best luck in finally find that one soul that will at least explore every avenue and if there is nothing on the traditional tests, then will just take your word for it.

Peace and Love.... wayne
Sabbat Shalom

(((((((((((((((Gandalf)))))))))))))))
I can empathize with your chronic pain. I have some, too. Pain meds are available, but I try to do without unless it becomes unbearable. The pain meds are more effective if not used on a daily basis or a tolerance is built and higher doses are necessary to alleviate pain (addicting, too). I agree with lambvet that you should seek another doctor who will listen to you and give you better healthcare.
Sheepwoman

Hi Gandalf. I have been in pain for years. Can you tell me what pain medication you are on? I am curious.

Mike

I think I let myself get sort of sidetracked in my post. This lack of help and acknowledgement is really frustrating and despair-filled, but the main topic I meant to get at is that my parents keep expecting me to get my life going; get a job, go to school, something like that (probably school). But I can't handle any of it, I can barely handle living any more. What am I to do, sit around doing nothing for the rest of my life? I'm at least planning on reapplying for disability and not be so moddest about the severity of my condition this time. But I'm not holding my breath.

God I'm tired. Just getting out of bed is hard, making myself eat something. I'm sick of my pointless, empty, lonely, and pain-filled life.


Mike, I'm on 20mg oxycontin which I've been at for 7 months. The dose is pitiful and totally insufficient to treat my pain.

Hey you. Cheer up. I know things seem cruddy, life is like that the majority of the time. You'll take one huge step forwards to end up falling two steps downwards, it is ****** annoying! Don't let it ruin who you are ( a lovely lovely person!!!) - keep active - as tiring as it may sound - if you keep yourself busy and entertained things will look up.
Imagine being locked in a room, just you, nobody else, nothing else to do except food/water/bed except its a tiny room, so not enough room to do any exercise or anything. At first it'd be ok, could probably have a play, sleep a lot, eat a lot, but then you'd get bored and ultimately end up depressed. When you are left with nothing to do, or keep yourself from doing anything, boredom sets in, then the whole "whats the point in anything anymore" will set it, then depression will hit you straight in the face.

Read your book! Read many more books! Watch films! Watch tv! Listen to music! Draw! Paint! Write! Do gentle exercise! Go for a short nice walk! Have hot bubble baths! Eat lovely food! Speak to more people! Pick up a new hobby or interest! Shave! Take pride in your appearence! Do anything you can that will A) Keep you active, B) keep you moving, C) keep you happy, D) Keep you busy E) and keep you feeling positive!!

Honestly James you're an amazing guy, and I love talking with you, just you need to live your life and not watch it pass by. So yeah, I agree with your mum, keep enrolled on this course and then just wait it out. 3 months is a HUGE amount of time - you can change soooo much during those months. Things may be totally different then. So I wouldn't chuck everything in now, because you've fell a bit lower, when in a few months time you might feel better. I hate hearing you're in pain, it really sucks, and I wish I could give everyone a good telling off for you, but I can't. All I can say, is chin up. Keep trying to be happy, because happiness is honestly a choice. You have to make the choice to be it. And would you rather be happy than be sad? Of course! So Smile! Think of all the lovely things that make you smile. Look at your tattoo! Draw another one! Design me that elephant one I said I wanted!

Just keep doing things that make you happy chuck, and things will improve. In the mean time I'm always here for you cherubface. Message me back at some point and we'll talk.

Take it easy dude x