no one in my family knows about my bipolar

my aunt has always seemed to have a problem with me, she just does not understand

i am hoping that if i tell her a few things will happen:

1) maybe she will be more understanding

2) maybe she would help me manage my funds(she is used to managing150k per year so what i make shouldnt really make a difference in her life, but it would make a difference in mine)

3) maybe she would be willing to act as a safety net (possibly with money for importany things should i go off on a manic spending fit... maybe help with money for meds)?

4) maybe if the family(at least parts of it) knows what is the matter with me they would not look at me with such discust(which could actually be all in my head...)

are these the 'right' reasons? or am i being selfish?

This post has been edited by beg1984: May 23 2008, 10:18 PM

If you think telling her would have a positive influence in your life then do it. Most people are indifferent--your illness is like any other to them. She will probably not think less of you after you tell her.

Beg1984,

You are NOT being selfish at all. To keep to yourself the reason why you do some of the things you do is being selfish. Be aware though, that there are some people you may regret telling afterwards!
You said that no one knows about your being bipolar. What I read into that is that they simply don't have a name for why you are the way you are. When people don't know, they conjure up all kinds of not nice reasons. Probably before you even found out, you may have thought some rather unkindly things.

You have nothing to lose by telling your whole family, not just your aunt.
Try to remember that picking the right moment to tell can make a big difference in reactions.
The words you use, how you explain it can affect the reactions.
Keep your words focused on yourself, like 'when I see me, or realize that I am or don't even realize....' opposed to putting it on them with, you know the other day when you said I ate a foolish pill for breakfast, well....' that tends to shift conversations to what they were thinking and they were seeing rather than you having the opportunity to get your words out.
Explain to them why you are telling them, how this disorder affects you, the ramifications you suffer as a result.
Tell them that you hope you have their understanding. It does require understanding and patience. But if they know that you have no control over this and that you like it a whole lot less than they do, it may help you out. Also, it would help you a lot if they could learn as much as they could about this disorder. It would give them insight to your days. And as well it would help them to learn how to cope with it or help you or whatever.

My best hope for you is that they will listen and they will hear you and they will be understanding. BUT if they aren't, give them time to accept what you said. In as much as you don't want this problem, they don't want you to have it either.

As to your aunt, you should tell her for the same reasons as your own family. But there are a couple aspects you can know, but keep to yourself. I think it is a great idea if you asked her to help you with managing your funds. This is a good example of you wanting to take responsibility for your actions, when they appear to be out of your control. But ask her point blank if she would be willing to help you to manage.... She may instantly know how she could do this. But I wouldn't approach it from the perspective of her being a safety net for you, financially. She may want to draw the line there, or feel a tad of someone taking advantage of her. People are very private about the truth of how they deal with their money, believe me. And while some people can easily talk about sex, when it comes to their own finances, the fun comes to a halt. I feel very sure that if you did screw up with your money, when you were in an 'out of control' time, her own smarts are going to trigger to her to do what ever would be best for you. If covering a bank overdraft would help you, she probably would. But by allowing her to do what she feels comfortable doing, is most likely to bring the best out in her. So maybe keep your ulterior motives to yourself. And on the other hand, you will have to accept the benefit of her wisdom by doing some of what she says. Apparently you admire or respect her capabilities, or this wouldn't have even entered your head. So be prepared to respect her advice. Otherwise, you are setting yourself up for bigger problems.

It may also be a good idea to be able to offer to your family, other ways that they could help you when you are in a manic mode. As you know, when you are in the heat of things is when you aren't going to hear a single thing they say. So maybe if all of you could come to some sort of plan as to what to do, how to help you, etc., that would be excellent. WHen you are talking to them, after you have finished and have given them a moment to digest what you are telling them, wait to hear what they have to say. If they ask what you want them to do, or how are we supposed to react, those types of things, that is when you tell them that there are things they should know to help you. But again, timing is everything. Pick the right moment for this conversation.

I don't know how big your family or the mechanics of it, but I also recommend that you tell all family members that live with you or interact iwth you regularly. To tell one and not another is going to slap you in the face with the reaction of the one who wasn't selected to know. If it requires you talking to them privately, one on one, then do it. Even if you have to tell your story 5 times and in 5 different ways. Choose a way that will be the most successful for YOU.

I wish you a world of luck and even more understanding. You are a brave and caring person to even want to tell them. Three cheers to you.
Please come back and let us know how this situation plays out for you.

Always Trying

I think that Always Trying has written a very thorough concise guide on how to approach family members to discuss your mental illness. Paying attention to timing, using "I" language, and providing information on the illness are all very important strategies for disclosing the information and obtaining the support and understanding of family members.

This is a very interesting topic for me and I would love to continue that discussion. However, I am concerned about your interest in talking to your family at this particular time. From what I have read here, you had a manic episode recently and started taking Seroquel after being off meds for 8-9 months. Moreover, it sounds like you are having some serious and scary side effects. I would be concerned about adding this extra stressor to your life. I think you should wait until you are back on medication at the right doses and feel somewhat stable. I would also think about how you would feel if your aunt doesn't respond or rejects you. That would be very upsetting especially if you already didn't feel well. I am not trying to make you give up hope of improving your relationship with your aunt. I just don't want you to feel worse than you already feel.

Telling your family is a big move, and I think it's a very important one. From experience, you should think through what you're going to say pretty thoroughly. I got A LOT of questions, some of which I wasn't prepared for at the time. Going into it, I hadn't thought about the fact that my family wouldn't be able to relate to what I was saying...they just can't relate to the kind of emotional intensity that comes with the disorder. I'm still trying to explain it to them to this day.

Now that I think about it, I guess I don't actually have much useful advice . I've been lucky and my family was really understanding. It's tough to say what'll actually happen. Regardless, I think you should tell somebody.

Cheers