I work for an oil company and in a managerial position, in the exploration department. This company is small, it just developed in 2005 and opened up an office in Indonesia in mid 2006. I was one of the people that got the office in my contry started.

At first the job was challenging and fun, although I spent lots of long hours. But lately it became the worst place on earth where I experienced panic attack twice in the last couple of months.

It started with lack of people, lack of coordination, one person slows things down although he is not working in my office (he works in the headquarter). Lost of people dip their fingers in my project but they refuse to take the whole thing; the just stirr it up and then leave. One time, I alread ordered my subordinates the work flow while I'm gone for vacation and these guys from Singapore (I'm based in Jakarta) slowed everything down and when I came, nothing was finished. While I had to deal with the government and all sorts of people (contractors) as well.

I am also constantly like fighting to get my ideas go through my boss. My boss in Jakarta is weak, I've told him I'm tired of the people interfering but there is no change. Especially after the first well was drilled and it was a good result, everybody seemed to poke their nose in it, without doing anything real. Criticize, comment, but do nothing, let alone being responsible.

This whole situation and the other things that I need to do really wears me out. I started getting panic attacks when I looked at the emails 2 months ago. I have a PDA and when I received something that is nonsense from the office for me to do, I was frustrated by the incapability of my boss making decision and I cried (this is on my way for vacation, cried all the way to the destination on plane).

Right now, I am in deep depression, I am afraid to go to work, I cannot face the emails, I am afraid of seeing the setting of the office! I cried several times already in the office and luckily my colleagues were supportive (my finance manager also cried once, my drilling manager who is a guy exploded). It is such an unhealthy situation.

Right now I am depressed, very sensitive and I am back on antidepressant again. Yesterday I just stayed in bed, skipped work (which happened several times now, because of the pounding headache caused by stress). My question is, should I tell my boss that I have mental disorder? Because right now I really cannot perform at work, I will be just like a zombie in the office. I feel that I need a rest, just away from work. Not vacation, but just rest. Sick leave. My depression came to a point where I start thinking about death, really. My pdoc ordered me to lie down. That's why I just stayed at home, slept all day. I'm phobic of the sight of the office.

I'm such a mess.

DD

Hi DD

Work related stress can be so crippling. It sounds like your company has huge miscomunication problems and having a boss that does not do much about it, must be very hard.
You need to take care of you, if you can't take care of you then you can't do your job. It is completely upto you about telling your boss that you have a mental disorder, you might feel like you need some time off for yourself. It might be a weight off your shoulders to tell your boss. Remember if you take time off, that when you go back, that not much will change, but the time can help you to learn to cope with the situation that you are in.
If you are in a managment position, have you not thought of calling an office meeting and rally through all the problems with staff in your office? If your boss won't do it, ask him if you can.

Trace

hi deepdiver.
i can sympathise with you, having just resigned from my job due to some pretty bad workplace bullying etc. i already had depressive problems before that but it has definately exacerbated it.

in my opinion you should seriously consider another job if you are in a position to get one. its too hard to go to work all that time if you cant face being there. it sounds like you are quite high level, being a manager, and i'm not sure what your industry is like but hopefully you can find something else that is just as good somewhere else?

i hope that helps....
precious

i quit my stressful job yesterday and i feel so relieved! my problems werent work related but work made them worse and i started crying and shaking when i went in and my body got ill from the stress. i finally quit yeesterday and im not required to work my notice. weight lifted from shoulders. there is always a way out. we are always here for you.

I was forced to start a new job at the beginning of May due to a company merge. I had panic and anxiety attacks and sat and cried for two days. Obviously my colleagues knew something was wrong so I told my boss that I suffered from anxiety attacks and he was supportive. I went to my Doctor and broke down and he said I wasn't in a fit state to work and signed me off for two weeks, prescribed a new anti-depressant medication and told me not to think about work for those two weeks. It has been too difficult not to think about work as I'm not too sure what to do. For me, the anxiety comes from starting a new job so if I resign I'll just get the panic again in the next job.

Maybe you could try what my Doctor has recommended for me? Go see your Doctor, talk it though with him, get a sick note for a couple of weeks to calm yourself down and get your thoughts in order. Ask the Doc for some medication to get you through it. I know when I'm in a bad state of mind my problems are magnified and I'm hoping once my medication kicks in I'll be able to successfully return to work. I know I have to give it six months to try to settle but if I really hate it once my mind is in a better place, I know I can always look for a different job.

I agree with talking to your Dr about the work stress. The anti-depressant medication will be a long term/low grade help with your feelings, but it sounds like you may need some assistance with the day to day stress. I recently began a program with antidepressants but I started taking a stimulant during the day to handle a strong disinterest in my work. The stimulant keeps me focused and feeling like I can get things accomplished, something the antidepressant won't do. You need to look at different solutions for the different problems.

Also may be time to look for other work, although that can bring on incredible amounts of stress in itself. Best of luck.

What do you mean by stimulant? Is it something prescribed by the Drs?

Thanks, all, for the input.

Right now, my company is drilling a well and it is a hectic moment and things get really chaotic. If I don't show up at work, it will cause confusion in my department and my subordinates. Then I will also be said to not perform, and look irresponsible.

On the other hand, your input about going to the doctor and ask if I can take a leave sounds good. I did take 4 days off, just went diving and took underwater pictures, my hobby that I haven't had the chance to do. But as soon as I enter the office, the stress came again.

Today was a national holiday so I had the chance to chill. The day before, I was too depressed to go to the office so I took the day off. My office is small, need more people to do stuff, and I wish that I had some friends that I can chill out with and have coffee with, but being a manager it is a bit difficult to find the time and some people to do that...it was different when I was just an ordinary worker where we just complain about regular stuff. Now we found ourselves overwhelmed, understaffed and painful.

I will be visiting my pDoc tomorrow and see if he can give me some suggestion. Because I feel anxious, sometimes, when I look at the office, and afraid to open my email anymore. My doc gave me AD and some mood stabilizer that contains Stelazine, Ativan, Frissium and Xanax for my panic attack.

I do hope that this hectic and chaotic moment will pass with the drilling campaign and if the office is still have no improvement, I guess, for my mental health's sake, I will have to resign. I'll wait until 6 months.

We don't have anything fancy like in the USA, where we can get disability permit or something like that when you are depressed. So I have to deal with it, and try to do my best moving everything to the deadline. I have to ask my pdoc about this (he is also a therapist).

Thanks, all,
DD

DD,

My office is the source of all my depression but if I don't go I go out of business and bankrupt, so the pressure is there all the time. I know how you feel. It is hard to hang in there, but I encourage you to take some comfort in seeing how well you have held up so far. Definitely take the doc's advise, but realize that most of us are stronger than we give ourselves credit for sometimes.

Take care!

Try a Temporary Disability leave. Your Dr. should be abe to help you.

I can't believe I found this! I have recently gone through a nightmare work situatuation.
My boss pretty much drove me out. I was suicidal etc. I took a 45 day disability leave.
And now I am on 3 (!!) medications.
I was to return to work last
week. When I got there I was in such a tailspin, shaking, nauseaus, I couldn't get my self up to
the office. I ended up going to Personnel and quitting.
Now I have no job, no benefits, and can't even think about finding another job, eeven though I absolutely
HAVE to.
I have been thinking of what type of work I COULD do besides, witchy, snotty, backstabbing office work.
I just sit around now wanting to hide in a corner and not come out.

Thanks for listening.

I went to see my pdoc for therapy and he told me that I have to go work. I was hoping that he will give me a sick note but nope...he said that I will look irresponsible. I have to face the uncomfortable feeling and try to just take it easily, one by one. He asked if I want to leave, but I told him it is difficult to do so. And then he also said that better not make big decisions, just work and don't think about the depression too much. Just do things once at a time, try to really take good break while lunch and don't be too passionate with work. Just concentrate that I have to be responsible, for my own career. And he told me to take the Escitalopram (Cipralex) while going through the hard time.

Have to tell you that it is not only work but some other personal thing is happening, but it happened because I get depressed at work. Happens to relationships. Duuuh....anyways, thanks for sharing. My plan is keep the option open, if there is a better healthy environment to work at, I will consider it.

DD