Hi everyone,

I was searching around the internet looking for info on depression and the elderly and I found this forum. I'm just looking for some advice.

My father, about 2 months ago, fell and injured his shoulder. The physical therapy has not been going well, and he needs surgery. He was all set for it, and he got a UTI and they cancelled it. So, my dad is in waiting mode right now. He's been very stressed because of family issues (sick daughters, my sisters), tax problem (he sold a house and screwed up on the taxes) and the misery of having very little use of his dominant arm. His doctor has ordered a stress test before the surgery and put him on 50mg Zoloft for his "anxiety." He's been on for about 2 weeks.

He doesn't want to do anything. He basically sits in his chair most of the day. He's definately not himself any more. My mother (age 64) is still working, and is very passive when it comes to forcing him out into the real world. She's doing the best she can, but isn't comfortable with dealing with him.

What can I do to help? I live very close and plan on visiting as much as my job will allow, just to play cards or something. My brother is a Pharmacist and we have not been able to connect to talk about it.

My wife has depression and is also on Zoloft, but it was much easier for me to insist that she "get out there" than it is for me to convince my stubborn, 81 year old father. She's doing great now.

Are there any suggestions out there? I am so worried about him. I guess there is still time for the meds to kick in, and hopefully the surgery will be a success (whenever that actually takes place) and he'll feel more like himself again.

Thanks for any advice/suggestions.

Jason

Hi Jason

You sound like a wonderful son.

It sounds like your Dad and your family have been going through a difficult time of late.
As your Dad is 81, there are many things that could be making him depressed and anxious on top of the surgery. Therapy and counseling may help.
When people get around that age, they start to confront very real fears of "dying", as they realize they will no longer live forever. These anxieties are huge on top of everything else he is facing.

The best way to help him, is just to be there for him and maybe suggest therapy or counseling to him. Also even though he may seem as if he is not doing anything, he may very well want to feel needed and at that age, people like to "pass their legacy on". Encourage him to tell you and his family stories about where he has been in his life, just let him talk and listen. This may help with his anxieties.

Maybe even encourage him to do a few light hobbies, reading, doing crosswords, puzzles, cooking, anything really.

I hope this helps.
Trace

Depression in the elderly should be treated immediately. It is common. The older generations suddenly feel 'empty nest syndrome' in that their useful years have gone and now they might be a bind to family members. Making sure he makes conversation is important, sitting holding his hand and telling him about the birds in the garden, weather, neighbour's activities might be a start. Ask if your doctor or nurse can pop in daily - if he is alone that break in the day will help to lift his mood.

Ask him about his past: if there is anything that he might like to write down and record for future generations? OK he'll probably tell you that no one will be interested but point out that his is a life-style that has long gone and should be kept for historical reasons. Tracing your family tree maybe? Getitng him to tell stories that you might or might not have heard before? Anything to keep his mind active.

Depression can be caused by thyroid function problems or by not drinking plenty. Making sure that his doctor has a full eye on his health screening records and that your Dad drinks plenty is important.

I wrote this without reading Trace's response LOL! What hobbies did he have that he might like to start, I find crossword puzzles or jigsaws therapeutic!

I don't think you need to push him to 'get out there'. Like the others have said take things to him that he can enjoy.

What are his interests? Does he have any close friends you could invite over for a tea or coffee with him?

How is he today?

He's doing a little better. We had Mom & Dad over for dinner on Sunday and he seemed to enjoy it. We gave him a care package with Crosswords, Sudoku, Trivia, Books, Movies, his favorite candy, etc. I think he's enjoying them. I also feel as though his Zoloft is starting to kick in a bit and that's helping some, too.

Baby steps, I suppose.

Thanks for the support. He's going back to the doctor on Monday for his stress test and to discuss his shoulder surgery.

That's good. Making a fuss of him will lift his spirits, the wrinklies need to feel that they still have uses!

Jason, I agree with Lizzy. The elderly have more depression than any other age group. My elderly aunt keeps track every day in her newspaper about how many people died who are younger or older than her. I would add that any way you can create your need of him -- do it. Can you come out and identify the birds or trees, or whatever. Or, I'm looking into my background and need your help. Etc.
I'm sure that you're keeping contact. The same anti-depressant doesn't work the same for everyone so if after 6 weeks, the Zoloft hasn't helpeded, be proactive and insist that another medication be prescribed.
I also agree that he doesn't need to get out and about. People who are depressed not only don't want to get out, that's the last thing on their list of their needs. They don't want pushes or concern, they want your care and love. Call and ask what he's watching on TV or what he had for dinnr, etc. Ask questions that have nothing to do with his depression.
I'm getting up in years also and just don't want to end up in the psych ward as so many elderly people because their children "don't care, don't call, don't stop by, etc."
All you can do is show your caring, your love and keeping in contact.

How is he?