I couldn't think of a better title. The past few weeks have been really stressful. I've felt extremely fatigued and have had problems with family and college. Where shall I start?

First of all, I'm not happy with the service my doctor is providing. This isn't such a big issue in the face of everything, but I wanted to get it out. I recently was granted free prescriptions due to my very low level of income, and booked an appointment with my doctor. There were a few things I wanted to ask about. Firstly, my depression and treatment for it. Secondly, skin care. Thirdly, a small white lump on my eye that my fianée says she saw, and finally, physical health. He was originally going to give me antidepressants, but I told him it's best that I cope without, as they'll only make me more fatigued. I also have acne. It's gotten better over the years, but it's still very visible on my face, and there are plenty of spots on my back and other areas. I saw success stories of accutane/roaccutane on the internet, and I asked about it. He said I couldn't have it, primarily because it supposedly worsens depression, but also because it's usually for those with worse skin conditions. Now that's perfectly reasonable. I then requested a recent treatment that's suitable for me. He prescribed lymecycline for me, that he claims is the latest treatment to hit the market.

However, when I looked on Wikipedia, I discovered that, and I quote, "Lymecycline was released onto the pharmaceutical market in 1963" - which shows what he said was a blatant lie. When I received the treatment, it also looked extremely similar to some antibiotics I tried a couple of years ago. When I asked about the eye lump, he said he couldn't see anything and told me to consult an optician, which I'm okay with. Then I requested to see a nurse as I wanted to lose weight and improve my general well-being. He said something along the lines of, "I cannot allow you to do that. You're at a perfectly healthy weight and have nothing to worry about." I'm about six foot in height, and weigh just over 190 pounds. According to the NHS's BMI calculator, I am overweight for my height. I told him that I wanted to seek nutritional advice to improve my diet, and thus improve my mental health, and he still said no. Is half an hour with a nurse so much to ask for when it could have real benefits? I think he wrote it off as not being a big issue because I'm only nineteen years of age.

Like I said, the issues with my GP do not matter as much as other things - I merely wanted to get it out of my head and write about it somewhere. I'm having problems with college lately. I'm a real procrastinator and find it extremely hard to get down to work. Fortunately, thanks to the support of my fiancée (who I only get to see on Saturdays), I've been more productive lately, and have done quite a lot. However, the deadline for a huge computing project has recently passed, and I hadn't finished it. My teacher kindly gave me an extra week, in which, well... I procrastinated with. The work I have produced is of an above average standard, but I just cannot produce it quickly. For those of you who aren't procrastinators, I cannot explain what it's like. I wish it was sheer laziness like I've said in previous threads, and I wish I could just turn it off like a light switch. But, like depression, I can't.

That brings me to today. I was planning to work extremely hard today to get everything complete. Possibly even pulling an all-nighter. I've been having problems with my parents for years, and today things got a lot worse. In short, my dad got very angry over something very trivial. (And I mean trivial.) He barged into my room, called me all the names under the sun, and then looked like he was about to hit me. I defensively held my arms out, and he tried to kick me, partially hitting me and hitting my bed. He then told me he was going to kill me. My mum got him to calm down a bit, and tried to talk to me, but I told her I didn't feel like talking. I haven't felt like doing my work for the whole of the day either. And tomorrow's the final hand-in date. There was a massive chunk of the work I had to do today, and I haven't done it. If I hand in what I've done, it's a guaranteed fail.

I need advice. I think I have just two choices here. Either A, I don't go in tomorrow and try to do the work then, which will make it seem like I've taken the teacher's deadline extension for granted. Or B, I go in, try to explain to one of the support teachers about what's been going on, and that I've found it hard at home - requesting a small extension. It's hard to choose. There's also a third choice. I can try to get a full-time job where my fiancée lives, and try to move into a flat there. I only have GCSEs though. This is my second time at college. I found it difficult to fit in the first time, and my depression was at some of its worst stages - but I acknowledge it was probably mostly my fault that I failed the first time. If I move out soon, I can get away from my parents, hopefully completely remove any means of contact so I can't see them again, and be with my fiancée. (Trust me, the issues with my family have been bad for years. It's beyond repair.) But if I do that, academically, I'm quite frankly screwed. Not to mention the fact that it's hard to find semi-decent flats nowadays.

I'm sorry that was such a long post. Sometimes I just need to get it all out. I don't have anyone else to talk about it with. There is my fiancée, but I only see her once a week, and whilst I appreciate her help, I want to seek advice from other perspectives too. Any replies would be greatly appreciated.

This post has been edited by Shauny: Apr 20 2008, 06:41 PM

I'm afraid I don't have much advice but I did want you to know that at the very least you have a sympathetic ear. i know how hard it can be not only to get motivated but to actually focus when you're struggling with depression-let alone when you have people in your face dragging you down. You should really get out of your parents house.

As far as your doctor is concerned, I would definitely seek a second opinion. I know how frustrating that can be too. :-/

Unfortunately, the way I see it with your project, your teacher has been generous as it is to give you an extension and I would have a hard time expecting her to be so generous a second time. Part of secondary education is drive and self motivation...

{hugs} I hope it all pulls together for you. Keep us posted.

Hi Shauny

Are you officially diagnosed with a mental illness? Is there a unit at the college that caters to this with which you could register?

I work at a college here in Australia, and we have special units dedicated to dealing with mental illness. Once a student is registered with us, we can then speak to teachers and coordinators on the student's behalf to request additional time (beyond the normal extension time) with assignments, and even private rooms and extra time for exams. Of course, we would only do this if the student requests it, and all information is strictly confidential.

Personally, I would not just not turn up. Explain to the teacher the difficulty your illness is currently causing you. You do not need to go into the incident with your father, I shouldn't think.

Please do look into whether you have a unit that can take care of this for you. Some students deny themselves this service, due to the stigma they feel is associated with mental illness. The fact is the stigma is not going to prevent you from achieving your study aims. The illness might, unless you receive appropriate support from the educational institution in which you are studying.

I wish you all the best.

Cheers

dtm

Thanks for your posts. I didn't get much sleep last night. It takes an hour to walk to college, and I only just woke up despite my alarm clock that I set - my first lesson starts in an hour and ten minutes, and guess what it is? Computing. Honestly, I still don't really know what to do. I feel like such a burden. Speaking of which, whilst I haven't had an official diagnosis of depression (however, several medical professionals have stated that they think I suffer from it), I have tried to request support from the college before. The fact that I have a learning difficulty (dyspraxia) entitles me to some support in the first place. I get extra time in exams, and I did have a few weekly sessions with the head of special needs, but due to my annoying forgetfulness (I genuinely wanted to go but kept forgetting), it's been stopped.

In terms of support for depression, it's not the most developed college in that regard. There's a counsellor who I saw for a bit. She seemed helpful at first as I had someone to talk to, but every time I went, she seemed less understanding. It was quite a few months ago, so I can't remember it all, but I recall her saying a few things that I didn't like at all. Then, one day, I didn't turn up to see her. I haven't seen her since. I'm considering calling the head of SEN and trying to explain it to her. I was going to get almost all of it done yesterday. But then again, no one quite seems to take procrastination as a valid excuse either, and I don't blame them. I could simply drop computing, but then I'd be missing out on something important - something I'm good at. A week ago, it seemed like I could make it all the way, with a good grade at the end of the year.

Hi Shauny

Forgetfulness and procrastination due to anxiety are all part of the illness. It is not a fault of yours. Your college support person should be aware of that and make accommodation for it.

If you could manage to get an official diagnosis, it will probably help you as far as support goes. It will also probably help to make things clearer for you, as you will know exactly what it is you're dealing with.

If you are not too far behind, you should be able to catch up. Please don't risk exacerbating your condition with unnecessary stress, though. It may only make matters worse, and you may end up dropping out altogether.

I hope you find someone at your college who is willing to support you in this.

Take care

dtm

I think your doctor is right. Roaccutane worses depression and should not be given to depressive people. :(

In the UK we are weighed in stones not pounds ;-).

Your Dr might have explained that this drug is new to the treatment he recommends it for - and Wikipedia doesn't always give out the correct information! Sometimes drugs are designed for one condition and over the course of many years they are found to help others! Having dual-purpose is sometimes found accidentally or may be because some of the ingredients can have multiple uses.

There's nothing to stop you making an appt with the practice nurse - you do not need a referral from your GP. However if you need to see a nutrisionist on the NHS then a referral letter would be required. Your Nurse will weigh you and give you diet advice. Or you could go to Weight Watchers in your area? There you will get support and advice on a regular basis.

Your father's issues are separate - is this a sudden alteration in behaviour or something you grew up with? It happened to me and fear could make me procrastinate ......... your mother felt it necessary to step in, is this a common occurence?

So many decisions, so little time ........ keep posting. The World is out there waiting but at 19 it can be scarey to face big changes: I would take your work to the tutor and discuss options so that you are clear as to what is expected.

GP's have little training in psychiatric disorders. Request to see a psychiatrist (from what I understand, depending on where you live, there may not be many MH providers and the waiting list may be long.) If your acne persists, request a referral to a dermatologist. Accutane does cause problems with MH. See an optholmoligist for your eye, not an optician.

As far as weight, try a low fat/high fiber diet. Eliminate red meat, junk food, fast food, prepared food or anything fried. Replace those foods with Omega3 fish, fruits and vegetables. Increase your physical activity level. My GP and dietician put me on it for high cholesterol and excessive weight. I've been on this diet and have lost enough weight (100#) to meet the requirements for my age and height and I feel great. There are books available for this type of healthy diet. You are what you eat.

I procrastinate a lot and wait until the last minute to do things (night before a paper was due for class.) MH problems caused a lot of procrastination for me. The American Disability ACT provided me with extra time for papers and taking tests (private room away from the other students.) My MH illness was kept private, the instructors didn't know. Some of them really wanted to ask me what I had, but it was forbidden by law for them to know. I could volunteer the info if I wanted to. I preferred to keep my illness private.
Sheepwoman

I'd agree with this. My partner doesn't suffer from depression but the roaccutane he had when he was around your age made him depressed.

How did you get on today?

Yes, I know. Sometimes I just feel like I'm whining though if I talk to her about it.



I've wanted an official diagnosis, mainly for the latter reason. However, I'm not sure how I'd go about getting one. I have a computer-based CBT session next week. A woman from the centre left a message on the answer machine today. Maybe I can ask her about a diagnosis.



Thank you. I wish the circumstances were different. Fortunately though, there has been some progress. I did go into college and talked about it. With a little luck, I could have a couple of days extra now. However, I'm still going to have to rush. I have a colossal amount to do, and I have heaps of e-media work to produce within the next few weeks. I don't think there's any chance of the next couple of months not stressing me out much, let alone at all.



I never doubted that, and I've researched the dangers. I wish they'd make a milder form of accutane though. I'd give a lot to get rid of it.



Thanks for your post. And, correct. I'm completely aware of that fact. As Americans and Canadians (most who post here seem to be American or Canadian) use pounds, I thought it would be better. Plus, I prefer pounds anyway. I'm not sure why, but you can always type into "__ pounds to stone" in Google anyway.



I agree with you - Wikipedia has its inaccuracies. Though, most are due to vandalism. Why would someone want to vandalise such a boring page? Sorry if it seemed like I jumped to conclusions about my doctor, though. There was just this general unsupportive vibe.



Weight Watchers has been mentioned to me a couple of times. It's a nice idea, and I honestly appreciate the suggestion. The main issue though is that membership comes at a price. I'm very skint, and my only hope getting the membership is getting a job, which won't really be an option until the summer holidays. I'll keep it in mind, but if I ever take up the suggestion, I'll need to keep the fact I go to myself; unfortunately there seems to be stereotypes about Weight Watchers - only women are supposed to go.

I have some very good software for my smartphone, that would help me track my calorific intake/help me maintain a balanced diet. The only problem is, I'd like to devise some kind of timetable for what I'd like to eat on certain days. I could hopefully in the process persuade my parents to eat more healthily, but the problem there is getting my mum to buy the healthier food. (It's a definite no with my dad, as you've probably guessed. And I don't even want to talk to him again or look at him.)

I suppose my best bet is probably to wait until I have income. I've been in the red a few times, and have had to rely on my fiancée to help me out. It makes me feel ashamed and I'm tired of it. I've had to sell many good items on eBay to make enough money to get by, and whilst they're just material objects, I wish things were different.



No, it's something I grew up with, to some degree at least. I think I was about ten or eleven when my dad almost strangled my sister to death. The social services got involved and he could have gotten in deep trouble. I wish that were the case. I'd feel relieved to know he's in a prison cell. My mum often tries to build the bridge between us. She seems to support my dad more though, and that's not just a son's typical bias either. I also agree about fear and procrastination. I believe it could be a fear of failure that makes me procrastinate the most. Though that fear is generally associated with people who were previously very successful, so I guess it probably doesn't apply.

Oh, and I saw my computing teacher today in another lesson, but neither of us said anything. Like the students, few of the teachers bother talking to me. It makes me feel invisible.



Awareness should be raised amongst GPs. MH problems are becoming increasingly problematic in today's society, and the fact that we have to wait in a massive queue for any support doesn't help either. I was seeing a therapist/counsellor about a year ago and she was very helpful. I had to wait a while for it too. But due to an emergency a few weeks into it, she couldn't see me anymore. Hmm, I haven't properly considered a dermatologist. I will look into it if the current treatment does not help. The doctor may have advised me to see a optholmologist rather than an optician - I don't remember it 100%.



I've been trying to eat more fruit lately, and have been drinking lots of water. I'm very glad to have heard about your weight loss success - it's quite inspiring to hear about someone else who's achieved such goals. I bought a book actually - Food Doctor or something, I think. Its target audience is clearly older adults from what I've read of it, but the advice seemed good. However, the thing about the regular diets we're told to follow is that I quite often won't like some of the food that one's supposed to eat to follow the diet, and thus conclude it'll do more harm than good, which is ironic.

I'd prefer to devise my own diet plan, selecting healthy foods that I know don't taste completely foul. I just don't know how to pick a 'balanced' selection.



Most of the teachers at my college know about my problems, though I don't know how many of them take it seriously. I don't think any students know, and it's probably best to keep it that way. A few know about my dyspraxia though. There's a club in Manchester for people with depression. I wish I could afford the transport to go there (and possibly the time as well) and maybe befriend someone else who has MH issues. I'm sure it would make things easier.

Thanks so much for your post Sheepwoman, and everyone else. I really do appreciate it.

Sorry Cowgirl. I didn't see your post in time before I replied. I was wondering how much of it was possibly controversy, as it's been said that there's no scientific proof of this. But now I've seen both of you say this, I'm quite convinced. I was thinking of ordering it from the internet, but I will steer clear now.

Today has been okay. I summarised it mainly in my last post, but as I was late in, I was only there for one actual lesson, in which my teacher was angry at me in as I wasn't in last week due to sickness. As I'm behind with that work (e-media, not computing) he told me I'd have to work on my own now as opposed to the small group I was in, which I actually prefer. (Though that's hardly going to help me socially, is it?)

I also told the SEN teacher today that I wasn't happy about a couple of lads in my class who made sarcastic remarks like, "The invisible person is here!", or "it must be a hologram - or is he actually in?!" I have pretty bad attendance. One of the guys I talk to online sometimes. He can be okay. She talked to him today and told him that my absences aren't due to simply not getting up in the morning, and he said he'd shut up from now on. I don't really appreciate being humiliated in such a manner.