After 3 years on an anti depressant it went so well with me that I weaned myself off it. Forgetting the GP told me to come back to her first if I ever wanted to do that and not do it on my own.
The consequence of my decision would hound me for a terrible 8 months.
The same AD did not work for me any longer because of that choice I made; the next one I tried had such a bad effect on me I landed up at a psychiatrist and back psychologist.
I could not see how I was going to get out of it.
Not only was depression back I felt confused, afraid and scared of everything even walking from my car to the office. Imagination in the midst of depression is your reality as many of you reading this post will know.
I imagined myself I was being stalked, I was aging 10 times faster than anyone else, every street corner hid a hijacker.
I was disorientated and confused, could not focus and had to force myself to do standard daily activities like going to the bathroom, brushing my teeth etc.
The fear, the anxiety, the anxiety, the fear .
Confusion ruled.
Eventually professional help finding an AD again and sticking trough the euphoria, anxiety, dizziness the fear when it stopped working and the having to double my dosage and forcing myself to exercise mildly to name a few.
I have now made peace with having depression. I accept it now as depression major and that I inherited it trough an awkward and depressed bloodline and the unfortunate fall off the genetic dice.
I got professional help after 30 long years of not knowing I had it and then thinking I can beat it on my own and lost. I will take a pill every day of my life for the rest of my life with a smile on my face.

I am no longer a victim of my depression I am a survivor.

Mimen

(((((((((Mimen))))))))))

I am sorry for the torment that you went through. But I do believe that we learn from our mistakes. Hey thats the only way we learn.

Thank you so much for sharing your story, it is inspiring and may it bring hope to so many others. Even through the pain that you had to endure, you survived and yes you are a survivor.

Trace

I disliked the pdoc I was seeing (uncaring, nasty & controlling). In rebellion, I stopped seeing her and stopped taking meds (cold turkey). I lasted about 6 months before crashing. Not a pretty site. I had to go on disability and then fight with the insurance to be able to see a pdoc outside of the network (I refused to see the same pdoc). It took awhile to get stabilized again. I'll be on medication the rest of my life.

As a message to all: Never stop taking or try changing the dose of your medsbecause you are feeling better without your pdoc's knowledge and consent. Withdrawals can be bad. The crashes can be worse. The same med may not work again. Finding a new one can be trial and error and time consuming when you want relief.
Sheepwoman

That has got to be the longest title for a topic that I have ever seen ......
....It's okay

This post has been edited by svendorrian: Apr 18 2008, 12:58 AM

Long message header! There is always a first time for everything say!

Sheepwoman your post encapsulates what I know now about just stopping it and the danger that lurks around the corner when you do!:bow:

Thank you for the comment Trace. I spoke to a couple of people who made the same decision to their detriment. I also know people who went onto AD for about a year and came off them with help from their GP and are back to the wonderful people they were before the depression.

I was wondering how many people like me made the mistake of stopping it on their own.

The question I should have asked however is "How long did it take you to accept the fact that you need to take an AD for the rest of your life and how long did you resist it and what price did you pay?"

I am starting to realise the real benefit of the drugs only now. Im having a great and very focused time. I have been complimented by our director about work well done recently and for the first time in my life I could see it instead of thinking it was just luck. I actually believed in myself.

For the first time in my life I have self confidence (what a wonderfull place to be) and has started dating after a lifetime of being nearly celibate where romantic interest in me put me off and got me running in the opposite direction.
I was telling someone today that the arrival of my libido is more than just sex drive it is my Joie de vivre my lust for life my spirit of being!

At the age of 40 something I am amazed at what it feels like to feel – normal – and I am basking in the experience!