Hello, I'm new to the forums and new to our family experience we are going through with our 18 year old son. A year ago our son told us he had thought about suicide and felt like he was depressed. At the time my husband (his dad) had just had emergency heart surgery, followed a month later with a heart attack. Our family is very close and we all had tough times with this. His dad improved and things seem to get better for our son. Then we found out he had tried pot. We talked and thought he was on the right path. A month or so later we found out he was still using pot at times with his friends, he started smoking cigerettes, his attitude with school changed he used to love it and was a honor student. He graduated high school soon after and we removed him from having contact with all of his friends with the exception of 1. They spent alot of time with us at the lake. Our son seemed to have moved past his depression and drug use.

Now 8 months later, I don't know who he is anymore. He has a girlfriend who I think is contributing to his use of drinking and smoking. He is in college and has decided he wants to change his major, he was caught with a pipe in his car, he says he used it for smoking pot previously. I have drug tested him with home kits he's coming up clean.

3 weeks ago, he went out with his girl friend. We asked him to be home by 1 and to wake us up so we would know he was home. At 4 am we woke up and he wasnt home. His dad called him, he was to drunk to come home. So we went to get him. To make a long story short, his dad had chest pain so severe by the time we got home I had to call an ambulance. Our son was full of guilt as you could guess and while I was in route to the hospital he had called his cousin and told her he was thinking of killing himself because all he does is cause pain for us and we would be better off without him. I had a family friend go stay with him and his older brother until i could get back home. He and I talked and I felt it was okay to keep him with me until i got him in to see someone.

We went to see a Dr and she wants him to take prozac and see if it helps. His girlfriend and friend have told him that he doesnt need it. He has told he will give it a try and see if they help.

We feel like we are losing our son, I want to hold him and make everything better but he has been doing so many self distructive things lately we don't know what we can do to help him. He says he's sorry, wont do stupid stuff but then turns around does it. He has an exsiting medical problem that he shares with myself and his brother that he seems to have no regard for taking care of himself.

Any advice as to how we can get our son back? We feel lost and overwhelmed.

i have an 18 year old son that suffers from depression & anxiety.
i would try to talk him into trying the prozac -- just keep in mind that it takes a while to work & it might not be the right med for him.
he might have to try several to get the right fix.

if he is willing, try to get him to see a therapist as well so that he can talk about what's bothering him.

anytime someone says they have seriously considered suicide, it's a major thing. don't overlook it.
also, some people seem to be able to drink & smoke pot without problems -- but for many, it makes their depression much worse.
it's kind of a chicken & egg thing -- did the drugs cause the depression or did the depression cause them to use drugs?

it's a hard situation -- my son did not want meds or therapy either. unfortunately, his issues pushed him to a place where he didn't have much of a choice.

try to be calm & patient with him and just keep talking about it. if you get too pushy though, he may decide he doesn't want anything.

i'll keep your family in my thoughts.

sAKAREIL,

Your son sounds like a fine man. He sounds sensitive in that he felt so bad about his Dad. He said he will try it. Thats great!!! Get his prescription filled and let him try it. It will take some time to work but when I took Prozac, in four days I felt better. It made a major difference in my depression. I think once he takes it and sees how much better he feels, he will realize he did need it. A therapist is a very good idea too. Let him pick out the one he wants. He needs someone to talk to outside the family besides his friends. One who can guide him and have his best interest at heart. Which you do, but sometimes kids need an impartial person to talk to.

Best of Luck!!! It will be okay.

Gentle Sun

Thank you for the replies, He began the prozac yesterday. My next question is should we have him see someone else other then the nurse practioner at the psychiatrist office? She is the one who prescribed the med for him. He's supposed to go back to her in 2 weeks..

I am an 18 year girl and i am going through something similar to your son, i have been taking prosac for over a year now and i think it has helped at times! i like him use drugs, every so often and drink quite a lot as a way to socialise, it just has the added advantage of making me not have to think very much!

It may feel like you are loosing him, but i think he is just trying to find out who he is and what he can get away with, ity might be a way of self punishment! you spund like you have handeled it a lot better then my parents tho because you do not seem angry at him but more concerned! He, like me, like feel like he is loosing himself and might be scared of that! so it might not just be that is scared and worried about loss?

My advice would be to not crowd him, let him know you are their to listen even if he thinks what he say will hurt you and cause you pain! (because i feel telling my parents how i feel will hurt them and make them worry) try and get that through to him! If you get angry and overly over protcetive then it might cause him to back away and not talk to you more, like i have done with my parents because i know that they will just react badly and i feel i am causeing them more angiuse! He probably also sees his going out and drinking smokeing as normal teenager activity, which it is in my opinion, so you making it a big deal might make him feel less normal! I do not think drinking and smoking is necesalriy a bad thing because it is just a way he has of copeing..or so it sounds!

This is not ment to sound critical or anything, its just how i feel in my situation and how i think me might feel!

xxx

This post has been edited by BanishedButterfly: Apr 17 2008, 10:27 AM

Butterfly, Thank you so much for giving me your prospective on how he may be feeling and his thoughts. I do know you have several correct statements as he has said to us very simular things. When you said I have to becareful with being over protective you couldnt have been more right. I have raised my children with being over protective because I like most parents love our children so much we want to shield them from being hurt.

I would like to know, how your feeling. Are you at a place in your life now where your happy and content? I would suggest to you to keep an open line of communication with your parents. From my life experiences I can tell you that they only care for your current well being and your future. They want to be able to know that when they arent' here to protect and love you that you will be okay. As a parent our main goal with our children is to give them love, support and wisdom to go out into the world and be self efficient and to have a family of their own. We dont want anything for ourselves, we only want great things for our children.

My mom gave me a book when I had my first son its called "love you forever" you can put it in google search and it will come right up.

This book says it all when it comes to a parents relationship with their child.

Take care and thank you again for your insight.

I am glad that what i said helped you gain an insight! :)
I am at the moment not in a very good place, but i do know that i have been in sunnier places over the past year, so even though things are bad now i still have a tiny bit of hope things could get a bit better again!

How are you and your son doing?
xx

Hi Sakarielle,

I'm new too, it's good to meet you.

Sounds like you're heading down the right path with your son...some of his actions sound like "finding himself-typical-late-teen" stuff, and others seem like past that. It's got to be tough now that's he's becoming of legal age.

Although I'm sorry to hear of the stress his behaviors have put on your family, I'm relieved to know he didn't try to drive when he was too intoxicated to drive.

I know it's hard with the girlfriend-piece, especially if you think she's not helping (and may be hindering) the process. Like Butterfly, I'd caution putting too much pressure on him about this - if he's anything like my teenagers (or me when I was his age), that would just push him toward her. Be the reasonable, caring "rock" you always are. Welcome him and encourage him to do the right thing, even if you lose some of the "battles" along the way. Girlfriends come and go, as you know.

I hope you find that Prozac works for him...that's what my daughter takes, but I know there are many options out there. If he's willing to see a therapist as well, I'd recommend giving it a go. The meds will help with the chemical imbalance he may be experiencing, but won't help him create coping mechanisms for when things get tough...Did your ARNP suggest this?

Take care,