My family has a member that has been acting strange, and its getting worse.

The lady is 22 years old, mother of 2 boys (this is an important part) ages 2 1/2 and 8 months, she is close to her mother, has a sister and brother about her same age. All of the other family members live close by, say less then a 45 minute drive. Some family members live about a 10 minute drive. So she has a support group close be.

This young lady seems to be obsessed with having a daughter. She wants a little girl so bad, some of the family members are starting to think it is affecting her mental health.

During her first 2 pregnancies ( with her sons) she had a pretty rough time. She was in early labor for about 2 months before either son was born. She was in and out of the hospital for weeks on end. Even with medicine both sons were born about a month premature. The first son weighed less then 6 pounds.

During the last pregnancy she had problems with her kidneys along with other health issues. She is having to take some kind of medicine for a mineral imbalance, maybe for the rest of her life. There is some kind of health issue, where her kidneys are not functioning properly. This is all the time, not just when she is pregnant.

The doctor told her - do not attempt to have a third child. With her health problems, low birth weight of the children, and early labor she should not be having any more kids.

Both of the sons are in good health with no known issues.

Now the problem - this desire to have a daughter has got her talking about having another child. She may have convinced her 2 1/2 year old son that she is pregnant. The oldest son goes up to her and touches her on the belly and says something like "baby in mommies belly" and the mother agrees. Some of the family members think she is telling her son that she is pregnant - that is why he does the belly and baby thing.

She does not say she wants another child. She says wants a daughter - and very specific about that point. There was even talk a few months ago about her and her husband adopting a little girl. The rest of the family members told her there aint no way you can adopt with her already having 2 children. She was very specific about adopting a little girl, not a boy - it had to be a girl. Their finances will not permit an adoption anyway. the cost is just too much. The adoption discussion went on for about 4 months, somewhere in there. The talk of adopting a little girl started right after the second son was born.

Since another family member just found out she is pregnant, it seems her desire to have more children is getting worse. Her husband does NOT want any more children. He has made this clear several times to the whole family and to his wife.

The belief among the family members is - the desire to have a daughter is over riding logic. Some of us are worried that her wanting a daughter is turning into an obsession. She may have had her heart set on having a daughter instead of a second son. When the second son came out instead, it was like her whole world came crashing down.

There was a time when she went through some serious postpartum depression after the second son was born. I never saw it, but some of the family members said she cried a lot. I know she has with drawn from some of the family. She does not spend the time with the rest of the family like she used to. Visits to other family members houses is short and sweet. Even when there is a get together or a bar-b-q at someones house and her, her husband and kids go to visit, she stays inside and watches TV instead of going outside with the rest of the family.

Has anyone ever seen her bond with the seccond son? That could be key, because if she is so disappointed that it was a boy instead of a girl, she may not have bonded. I know of someone who thought they were having a girl (after two boys) and when it came out a boy, she was devastated and had to have counseling to bond with the new baby boy. Has anyone suggested counseling?

My unprofessional opinion - no, I do not think she has bonded well with her second son. When their family visits my house, the second son is put on a swing, or a walker - there is very little "holding" time besides feeding. Nor did she breast feed the second child. She is a stay at home mother who could have breast fed, but decided not to.

Just about the only time I see the mother hold the 2nd is when she is feeding him or when he is crying. Rarely do I see her hold the 2nd child just to hold him, or hold him to show affection.

A little bit about me - I have 4 children ranging in ages from early 20's to early teens. From previous experience, the level of affection this family member shows her second child is very low. As compared to how much other mothers hold their children.

Hmmm....is she the type of person that may be open to counseling? If it's approached using her health as an issue. Possibly saying, "Yes, I'm sure a daughter would be great, but not if you can't be around to raise her." Maybe talking to her husband to see if he could do counseling with her.

Dont know. Certain topics seems to make her a little mad and she seems to get defensive.




Some of the family members have tried talking to the husband. Either everyone else is wrong, or he is in denial. His reply was along the lines of, "she is just a little sad."

Its not just me asking about this lady. The other family members have seen her physical and mental state. Sometimes 3 or 4 of us get together and compare notes. That way we can see the whole picture instead of just what we know. I have just decided to sign up on a site and ask around.

My first wife and I had 4 children together. My current wife has 4 children from a previous marriage. All of our kids range between early teens to mid 20's. My wife and I, and some of the other family member have been comparing notes about what this lady is saying and doing.

Most of us have come to the same conclusion, something is wrong. But how do we approach someone that is either too close to the situation or in denial.

I just happen to work at a local clinic. One of the RNs who works in the womens health field has agreed to talk with me later today. After talking to my wife last night, we both decided someone needs to take some kind of action. So here I am. So maybe between this site and the RNs advice the family can develop a game plan.

This post has been edited by kak0801: Apr 16 2008, 11:36 AM