Alright well my name is brandon im 17 years old and from the suburbs of NY (45 Min from NYC), I have 2 older brothers one who is 4 years older than me and one who is 6 years older than me. I lived a normal childhood one might say up untill I was about 10 years old you know the parents fighting once in a while, I played 3 different on travel teams etc i was basically a perfect kid and didnt have a worry about anything untill i was 10 when my mother had a affair with another man, I didnt really understand this fully and just went along with what my brothers and father told me and that was basically not to talk to her and to hate her and everything along those lines, so my mother moved to florida when i was about 11 - 12 i dont really remember and once i heard about the affair at 10 i didnt speak to my mother, could you imagine a 10 year old kid not speaking to his mother who he previously loved and still did only because he was intimidated by his father and brothers I think back on it now and i really do think its ****ed up and has lead me to other problems that the 17 year old version of myself has now. as much as i dont want to admit it i feel that i am depressed and have some serious problems.. i am popular, good looking, i come from a wealthy family but when i am in school i just have to leave i cant sit through a period of class at all, instead i would much rather just sit around at my friends house or my house and just smoke weed all throughout the school day.. i literally havent been to school in 3 weeks im failing all my classes and im going to have to repeat my junior year in school im just such a ****ing mess i havnt spoken to my mother in 7 years and i just dont know what to do i cant pass a class im not motivated to do anything in school im just a ****ing mess! I miss the old me i hate feeling awkward in school where 4 months ago i felt like a king i just dont understand where i went wrong im just a wreck right now and i need help, the last time i was in school i had meetings with the school physciatrist and she has known me since i was 3 on a personal level and when she was having her one on one conversation with me she literally bursted in tears and was kept telling me how upsetting it was to see a bright young man who was so humerous and always happy being sap and depressed.. so here i find myself in desperation of help and just someone to talk to i dk lol i feel stupid just posting this

Hi Brandon,

to DF! This is a very friendly community and I hope you find a lot of support here.

I'm really sorry you are feeling so bad right now. When you saw the school psychiatrist, what did she suggest in the way of treatment? Has she recommended that you start counselling, or did you talk about medication at all? These are both options that could make a big difference to the way you are feeling.

Being forced to turn against your Mom like that must have been incredibly traumatic. I'm sure you're right that the way you've been feeling lately is all connected to this event with your Mom. You must have so many overwhelming emotions that you need to talk about. I think some counselling could be really beneficial to help you work through what has happened and guide you forward. With some professional support, I really believe you will be able to start feeling better again.

It's great you are reaching out for support on this forum, and I hope it helps to get some of this off your chest. Please keep talking to us ((((((((Brandon)))))))))

Wishing you all the very best.

Take care.

Joanna

This post has been edited by Joanna: Apr 14 2008, 10:21 PM

First off, don't feel stupid.
On my own personal level, as much as I loathe the whole concept of infidelity, and know how badly it can tear a family apart, it infuriates me that your father allowed and encouraged that kind of a response. People make mistakes and she clearly made a pretty bad one but she didn't do it to hurt you or because she didn't love you. Point being, she didn't deserve to be shunned and hated by her children. It sounds like in retrospect you may be realizing that...
I think it might be a good place for you to start but seeing about getting in to see a counselor of some sort. Some one to help you work out what you've gone through and help you make ammends.
I hope you're able to get things smoothed out soon. You are in a rough enough time of life right now without everything else hanging over you.

Hi Brandon,
Welcome to DF, im new here too and its a good choice coming here to get support

Dont feel stupid cuz ur not. Ur not the only one feeling like that. Now the good thing is that u want to get better. I wanna advice you to dont let everything inside, find somebody u can trust and that have a good influence on you to talk about the things u feel. Its got to come inhere and vent too.
Have u talk with ur father about what u feel or maybe ur big brother? It seems that what happened is really bothering you. I think u must miss the love of your mom.

Maybe it will be good to get more profesional help to help u get through this, like a therapist?

I hope i was able to give u good advice.

Hugs and kisses

Suki

Hi Brandon,

Everyone has given you really good advice. Calling up a psychologist and making an appointment might be where to start. You really do need to talk all this through with a professional.

It seems to me that when your mother moved away, that was when all this came to the surface. You may be feeling guilty that you shunned her, and also you miss her.

Have you thought of writing her a letter? If you dont know her address, still write the letter and keep it. Write from your heart all that you feel deep inside and what you would like to tell/ask your mother. Dont stop writing until you feel you have said everything. This can be very cathartic even if it doesnt get mailed. You are 17 now and have grown up to know that you were just going along with your father and brothers because you didnt know any better and you trusted them. You were only 10 so you couldnt have understood what was going on. You say your mother was very loving. I know she would not hold that against you.

This is a start, Brandon. You are uncovering pain that has been buried and that is a very good sign. So first, make an appt with a psychologist. If you dont want to do that right now, then write the letter.... for you, Brandon.

I hope you stay on the Forum. The members here are wonderful people!! Talk all you want!!

With Best Wishes,

Gentle Sun

Welcome to DF, Brandon
At 10, you did as your father told you. You loved your mom and most likely did not realize the full consequences of shunning your mother for her indiscretion. It's no wonder you're feeling guilty and now it's affecting your life.

If the school psychiatrist has known you for so long, she is "attached" to you. She empathises with you well and there is a "transference" occurring between you and her. It sounds like she is too close to you. Can she refer you to a psychologist for additional guidance and feedback? You will have to do a lot of self-work to resolve the issue surrounding your mom. Writing a letter to her sounds like a good idea. It will definitely allow you to get a lot off your chest by expressing your feelings. Has the psychiatrist ever suggested you call your mom? Maybe forgive her and rebuild the loving relationship between you? Just a non-professional thought.

Using illicit drugs (DF does not condone the use of alcohol or illicit drugs) is only a temporary escape and can make you feel worse. You also risk the possibility of brain damage from long term use. Weed takes away motivation and ambition. It's affecting your performance in school. Please stop using. It does more harm than good.
Sheepwoman