Good to meet everyone here!
I'm db22289!

I'm currently a second semester freshman at college. There have been many things that I love about college- I have met many great people and overall am getting the academic rigor that I wasn't getting in high school. I got into one of the hardest to get into universities in the US. There have been times when I felt that I had struggled with depression. Three years ago, when I was dumped by my ex-girlfriend, I plunged into this era of self doubt and self hatred. I didn't have the motivation to do anything. I just got over it.. it was strange and went on to have a happy two years- but one where I was still lacking in self-confidence. I tend to have a positive outlook on life and love to make other people happy. I am an outgoing guy and can make friends easily but I think I suffer from poor self-esteem. I haven't had a girlfriend since that one disaster (have dated from time to time but never got anything started). I came into college with pretty good grades and almost-perfect test scores.. however, I haven't been doing so well in my classes this year. First semester, I racked up a D in Organic Chemistry and ended up with a 2.5 overall. This semester, I think I'm only going to get around a 2.8... I was planning on majoring in Math or Chemistry but now I find myself having to take a schedule with easier classes just to bring my grades up. When I'm down, I often feel that I need alcohol to stay happy, so I'll go binge-drinking.. there are always people in college to find to do this with. I have many things to be happy about, but I have never really found any reason to be happy about myself.. I can be happy about events, for my friends, about my thoughts and ideas and those of others.. but I have always thought that I am no good at all. I have found that recently that I have becoming more withdrawn. It is strange though, it isn't really in an 'introverted' sort of way.. since being alone (except when I'm sleeping) doesn't recharge me. I'm an extravert in the sense that I love being around people and that is what makes me happy. A problem with that first semester is that I haven't made too many friends with the people I'm living with (have a few close friends where I am though which is cool) and most of my friends are on the other side of campus. I was just wondering: would this be considered depression or a whole different set of problems in which I need to boost up my self esteem and motivation to succeed in life.

This post has been edited by db22289: Apr 10 2008, 05:05 PM

You're not going to get a professional diagnosis here, but low self-esteem and depression can go hand in hand; self-loathing, withdrawal, below-typical performance in work or school, all can be indicative of depression. Also, males tend to respond to depression by turning to alcohol ..

.. which is a really self-defeating behavior pattern, because while the alcohol provides a short-term lift, its a depressant, so your mood the next day will typically be lower than your mood prior.

So, all of those things suggest to me that you might have something to watch and/or think about, at least.

If nothing else, prolonged negative self-talk (low self-esteem) can induce depression.

Some other things to think about, though:

1. A lot of people struggle with the transition from being the big fish in a small pond (straight A student, star athlete, etc, in high school) to being an average-sized fish in a much bigger pond. A 2.8 in one of the best universities in a country of 300-million-plus is so far above average that its not even comparable! So, feel free to work on improving it, but don't beat yourself up for it.

2. Loneliness always sucks .. but its also much easier to make good friends in college. Some of those "fast friendships" the first semester of freshman year are forged in desperation. None of mine survived in the long term, and I certainly saw a number of spectacular crack-ups! However, I'm still very close friends with a number of people I met in sophomore and junior years - some fifteen years ago. So, if you've got a few close but not too-close friends as freshman year winds towards a close .. you're probably right about where you need to be. Second year will get better.

I agree with Amaroq about the transition from high school to college. The courses are more demanding which requires self-discipline to attend classes as you don't need a note if you miss one. Your GPA could be a result of the change. I transitioned to college by completeing Freshman and Sophmore years at a community college. Same courses offered as university with less stress (shell shock), in my opinion. Also tuition was less costly.

Loss of self-esteem or negative self-talk are symptoms of depression. The use of alcohol contributes to depression, so you should avoid drinking. You'll need more and more of it to give you the temporay "good" feeling.

There should be a student health center on campus. They offer many services for students, including mental health. Mental health practionioners the center refer you to offer their services for free or on a sliding scale based on your income. Why feel bad when help is available?
Sheepwoman

I do notice that about alcohol. I always felt it was because I have such a fun night getting drunk that the next day seems dull in comparison. I definitely notice it today, it is just so hard to get excited about anything.
I was surprised since I didn't feel crazy drunk even though I had about sixteen shots over a course of four hours (probably since I spread the shots out (it was also a social get-together..so we did more than drink)). Also, I luck and don't luck out in the sense that I have a relatively high tolerance for alcohol, when supply is limited.. I find that I can't get drunk at all.
It is weird. I feel so awkward and inhibited in social situations when I am not drunk. This is something I have dealt with for years.

However, I am grateful that I have begun to make a great group of friends. I pledged a fraternity and am now a brother, they are some of my best friends at college right now and I feel that they will be as my next three years go on. However, I'm still a little bogged down by the fact that I ruined my chances of transferring to one of the colleges I really wanted to go to last year (didn't get in..) because of poor grades. (Hint: College I am at now, south of the Mason-Dixon line... college I wanted to go to, north of the Mason-Dixon line).
I hope that over time I can find this self-esteem and reasons to love myself. This summer, I may go into therapy to try to find this.

Thanks everyone for your help!

This post has been edited by db22289: Apr 12 2008, 01:56 PM

I wonder, I just feel so tired right now. I have one or two social events to go to this weekend and I have a big midterm Monday.
This next month is going to be busy and I don't think I can even begin to think about therapy until the end of the semester.

This post has been edited by db22289: Apr 12 2008, 02:04 PM