Hi all, this topic isn't about me, it's for my girlfriend, I'm worried about her and found this forum searching for depression forums sooo ... my girlfriend has been suffering from chronic depression for the last 2 years, and though she was ok there for a little while for a few months, I think she's getting a lot worse again lately and she feels she's heading for a major breakdown.. She also suffers from anxiety attacks every so often. I really just want to know anything I can do to help her, or what makes those of you with depression feel better. She says that when she feels really down she can't be around anyone and feels anxious and crowded unless she is on her own.. I believe she was on medication for awhile but stopped it because she hated how it 'stifled her emotions', so she couldn't laugh or cry.. She doesn't have any form of therapy.. A major issue is that she, due to much of her up-brining, has this inbuilt feeling that she is a failure, and to admit that she is sick or needs help just means she is a burden on people. Hence a lot of the time she doesn't even tell me when she feels bad or doesn't want to bother me with it. I try and try to get her to open up to me and tell me everything but she doesn't want to let me get to close because she doesn't want to put me through the pain of seeing her break down.

Basically I love her and want to make her life better so I need help from people who have the same thing, what is it that helps you and makes you feel better? I'm thinking I should try and get her to go to therapy or something.. If anyone wants to chat about it feel free to pm me as well or we can talk on msn or something.. Thanks for your help.

Welcome to DF, lostandfound,
We have many people seeking information or help with family, SO's and friends. We aren't professionals and cannot give you that advice. We can share our experiences and what treatment has helped us.

As for me, I'm Bipolar with severe, chronic depression. I've had 2-3 major breakdowns and hospitalized once. The current treatment plan for me is a cocktail (5) of medications and therapy. The meds I take have not taken away or stifled my emotions. I can still "feel." Meds can do that with some people. However, there are so many different AD's on the market to treat depression that one would be more suitable for your gf than the last one she took.

Therapy alone or in combination with meds helps with depression, too. If her past is affecting how she lives today, those problems need to be addressed and resolved. Thinking you're a failure, a burden, or push people away is depression doing its negative talk.

She should be thankful to have you in her life. You love and care for her well-being. Encourage her to seek help. If need be, go with her to the appointment. Depression is heart wrenching to see it in loved ones and not be able to help them. Like an alcoholic, they have to admit they have an illness before they will seek treatment. Give her encouragement.
Sheepwoman

lostandfound -- Welcome to DF.

Your GF is so very fortunate to have your support. She sounds like she's really struggling, lost.

By the sound of it, if she had some emotional blunting, it's quite possible that she didn't find the right anti-depressant (or right dosage). Sometimes it takes time to find the right medicine and the right dosing. She needn't suffer. She may have just given up too soon. The right AD can make a world of difference. ADs are supposed to even out the highs and lows -- to allow you to experience a normal range of emotion. Usually a combo of therapy and medication renders the best outcome.

Like Sheep said, we're not doctors, but can provide feedback based on our own experiences. My recommendation would be to continue to encourage her, but don't push hard. Care is something she needs to seek because SHE wants it. When she wants space, try respect it. Depressives can be easily overwhelmed. Allow her to tell you what she needs. Listen. Don't judge. And don't expect her to "snap out of it". That expectation will likely frustrate her and cause her to emotionally close down -- serious depression isn't something anyone is capable of snapping out of. It's a medical condition -- like high blood pressure or diabetes. That's something our society doesn't seem to have much of a handle on yet.

You have a good soul, lost. Give your GF gentle, unconditional reassurances and hopefully she'll come around to seeking professional help in some measure. Sounds like she needs it very much.

Best to you,
HopefulOne

This post has been edited by HopefulOne: Apr 10 2008, 01:08 PM

Thakns for the reply. I definitely don't expect her to just 'snap out of it'. I personally suffer from social anxiety myself, so I know exactly how it feels to have this thing in your mind controlling your emotions that you have no control over.. Really just want to do what I can to help. That makes a lot of sense to me how you said "depressives can easily be overwhelmed", there are times when she has wanted space and I've become a little upset because I can't understand why she doesn't want to see me being her boyfriend.. But I'm gonna try my hardest to make sure she can get that space when she needs it, thank you.