I hope this is the right place to post. I was just diagnosed last year (June 2007), so I am still struggling .... and it's quite a struggle ... I can't find a therapist who really understands BPD in my area who takes my insurance. Plus I have bipolar II, marked with paranoia, OCD and hystrionic behaviors. I am medically treated, but not for long now .... just lost my second job in a year, and I have struggled with longevity in employment for as long as I have been of working age.

Before I was diagnosed, I was hypochondrial. I was sick all the time. Let me also say that I DO get sick often. I have sinus issues that are horrendous, I get the flu almost every year, whether or not I get the flu shot, and I am plagued with gastrointestinal issues - IBS and diverticulosis that flare up and are just the most vicious attacks. At other times, I honestly just "don't feel good" and have called in. Various vague aches and pains, headaches, dizziness .... I could make it through the day at work, but would be miserable so I would just call in sick. I lost several jobs because of excessive absenteeism and tardies.

But after I was diagnosed in June, so much of that changed. I felt better on a daily basis. I didn't feel quite as depressed or run down healthwise, so I didn't miss work.

I had been unemployed from August 2005 through October 2006! I was searching for work, and I was working temp jobs when I could, but I was not steadily permanently employed. Then in August, I finally landed a really great job and I was so excited. I did miss a few days, but was never tardy. The days missed were actual illness and backed up with dr. notes. After my diagnosis in June, I missed no work at all. However - although I am usually considered an amiable, approachable, and easy to get along with person, there was a personality conflict between me and a co-worker. Actually, it was pretty one-sided ... she didn't like me. And she sabotaged me in many ways. I asked many times for a transfer to another dept. but it was not granted. And in August, I was terminated for not getting along in the dept.

It took me three months, but I found another job, a better one in fact, at a higher rate of pay. And everything was going GREAT for 5 months. Until last week, when I was called to HR and told that I falsified my job application!!! WTF??? They did not offer a copy of the allegedly falsified job application; didn't even have a copy of it in the room with them during the termination meeting. Nor did they have the supporting information that informed them that the application was supposedly falsified. I have NEVER falsified a job application in my life, so I have no idea WTF they were talking about, but of course I was told there was no room for discussion and I had to leave the premises immediately. At no time during my time there was I ever reprimanded. I didn't have an attendance or tardy issue. I was told during the termination meeting that my performance was not and never was at issue.

Things had finally been going GREAT! I was FINALLY getting caught up on the bills that I had gotten behind on in all those previous months of being unemployed. I had some money left over at the end of each paycheck to get some extras. I wasn't struggling to support myself and my daughter. My bills were getting paid on time instead of a month behind. Then BOOM, the bottom falls out AGAIN!

It seems as though JUST when things start looking up, I come crashing down from a 3000 foot mountain!!!! I am taking my meds, I am not in therapy, but I was when I lost the first job last year! I had to quit when I lost my insurance. And I didn't have my insurance long enough this time to find a new therapist (I didn't care for my other one). So I was reading my books, taking my meds, taking care of my business, refraining from self-destructive behaviors ..... and what did it get me? Down in the gutter again!!!

What is the point????

So, I have the money to pay my rent and my phone bill this month. That's it. I will re-apply for food stamps. Can't apply for unemployment insurance until August because I exhausted my benefits for the year already when I applied in August 07 and used them in those first three months of unemployment before this most recent job. I am sending resumes daily and on the phone with prospective employers and recruiters daily. I can't pay my water bill or my electric bill this month and have no one to borrow from. I have no credit cards and no credit with which to gain a loan.

God hates me and my daughter who is also affected by this.

I can't say I am his biggest fan, so I guess you could say it's a mutually sour relationship at this point.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Wow infiniti, I'm really sorry that things have gone so badly downhill for you. A run of bad luck is never a good thing.

There is one definite upside in there though... you are now getting the help you need, and one of the problems (BP) that was crippling you previously has been sorted out, so it isn't all negative. A job is temporary, but in treating your BP/BPD you have made a step forward in life.

I wish you the best of luck in getting back on your feet, as I am completely sure you will do. Your daughter still loves you, and know that there are people out here who care too!

Here's a few to keep you sane.
Hircon

Hi Infiniti

I'm sorry that things seemed to have spiralled downwards for you. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and that all bad that happens, comes to change our path and direction in someway that will bring New Beginnings and good things.

Trace

Thanks Trace, and all others for your kind words and your sympathies. My run of bad luck has been ongoing for 3 years now, going on 4. It seems to only be getting worse.

Funny .... somehow, I thought that finding out that I was crazy and taking responsibility for such and becoming proactive and getting treatment and medication would maybe put things on an upswing for me, but it seems only the opposite has happened and the bad things only happen more frequently and more intensely.

It just doesn't seem right or fair somehow.

This post has been edited by infiniti1027: Apr 3 2008, 07:46 AM

I've always had some serious problems with "longevity in employment", I still do. The only way I could fight this for the last few years was keeping a second part time job. I've worked at 5 different jobs within 2005, 7 - 2006, 3 - within 2007, 2008 - so far so good. Like You I always find a better job. Is there somebody who can take care of Your child so you can take few hours in the evening?

My child is 16, so she can take care of herself. But I only have a couple years left with her before she flies the coop so I want to spend the evenings with her as much as possible. I am already starting to feel the beginning stages of "empty nest syndrome" creeping up on me just knowing it's coming!

Plus, I have tried applying at various retail jobs close to home on part time basis. I really don't know what to do because they will not hire me!

I am an Executive Assistant, I generally make $50K a year. I am educated and highly skilled. Hobby Lobby, Dollar General, Burger King and such are all intimidated by me and will not hire me. And I have absolutely NO retail experience since my high school years - 20 years ago.

I am trying to work temp jobs right now while I search but even the temp services are slow and I haven't gotten called yet.

I'm in a similar situation. I've been part-time delivery driver aside from my regular job during the last few years; no one to boss you around, you have some time for yourself & can pull your car over & take a brake whenever you feel like that & surprisingly it pays pretty good if you find a good area. I don't know if that's something you would want to do though. In these type of places you need to walk in & directly speak to the manager, job application thing is a BS.