I'm 19 years old and have been suffering from depression since I was around 7 years old. I have struggled with many different medications through my life and have finally found one that seems to be working. I have been on Lexapro for around 6 months now and am feeling better than I ever have in my life. I've been married for almost a year and my husband is 23. Recently he has expressed his desire to have a baby and after giving it a lot of thought I have decided I would like to start trying for a child as well. My only concern is my depression. Mostly, I am doing great, but I still have days now and then where I don't even want to get out of bed or care for myself. Also, I feel so guilty and selfish for wanting to have a baby when I know I get my depression from my father and there is a good chance that my child could get it from me, even though my husband has no family history of the same thing. I've expressed my concerns to my husband but he assures me everything will be fine. I just can't seem to shake the feeling that I do not want to curse someone else with everything that I have went through. I know that raising a child is hard enough without a mental illness and I would just like to hear from someone who has kids and deals with depression. Is it possible to raise a happy child and how might they be affected by my illness? I really need help with this one!

hey, i understand your what you are feeling. when i found out i was pregnant i was scared about how to handle it all and everything.
i love my daughter, now four months old, so much. its hard being a parent, especially with depression. i've just been diagnosed with post-natal depression (on top of my depression i had beforehand) it is hard, but your husband loves you and if you have that support it can make things easier. there are some ADs that you cen take whilst pregnant and breastfeeding. my advice: go to your doctor (with your husband) and talk about it with him/her. they'll be able to give you more information in making your choice.
good luck.

Hi Ash :)
My opinion is that you will be able to come to a good decision and I hope you feel peace about it soon. I can relate to much of what you wrote. As a very young child I experienced anxiety and other struggles that turned into depression. I completely understand your concerns about not wanting to see your children go through what you have gone through. What person doesn't suffer through difficult things? I am trusting that my kids, 4 months and 12 years old, will make it allright, actually I think better than alright. We've had a lot of difficulties occur in our family. We still do and I bet will in the future but there are always so many positive things that come out of it. Sometimes I think how will we get through this or that but we do and there are a lot of happy great things following after the rough stuff. Well, take care.
Violet

Dear Ash, I'm sorry that I'm a late-comer to your question.
Having a child may or may not affect your own depression (be careful of that post-partum time). I'm an old-timer here and my daughter is now over 40. Although I now know that I've had depression and anxiety since before age 9, I didn't really realize it until I was near 30. The depression never impacted her when she was in late childhood and I (as a single mother) became dysfunctional and ended up in the hospital.
As far as genes and what you will pass down goes: your child will only have a 50% chance that s/he has the possibility for getting depressed. The possibliity depends on parenting. Do you think that you or your husband will make the child feel unworthy, guilty, demeaned, or disrespectec? If both of you love your child and make sure they feel good about themselves (regardless of their abilities), they will not suffer from depression.
This is a fact! I have done much research on genetics and brain biology. Depression only seems to be passed on from generation to generation by parenting not purely by genes.
Great luck and hugs!! Iowa

Whoever discovered this deserves a giant kiss!

Iowa,

Are you able to list a specific source? I would be most grateful!

Gisele

i'm in practically the same boat, and have a lot of soul-searching to do. these are my considerations as well, and some of what i know may help you too...

i'm 29 (5 days from the big 3-0!), and my hubby is 37. he CAN'T WAIT to be a parent, whereas i'm scared to death of the thought of giving bipolar disorder or depression to my child.

as far as your own depression and meds go, only you and your doc+partner can figure that out. however, remember to weigh your health and the health of your fetus. your distress DOES cause fetal distress. fetal distress can cause developmental issues. you don't want that. you'd have to carefully weigh the options.

post-partum depression can turn into psychosis in a number of women, and that's not good either. to take care of yourself and your baby, you need to be healthy. it takes about a month for an SSRI to hit you hard enough to work at full strength, so you'd be suffering, and therefore not being the mother you could be, for a month before your meds would kick in. i'd consider that in deciding whether or not to continue meds during pregnancy (i think a lot about this because i'm on a million meds to maintain my sanity).

i did a lot of google searching, and couldn't find the exact odds that you would pass your depression on to your child. i know that for bipolar, it is actually low, at around 8% for the female partner. it depends on if it is the male or female partner that is passing the gene, if the gene is passed at all, and if the gene is dominate or not. of course, all this is too complicated for me to understand, and baffles scientists too.

remember, with being a depressive, you would recognize the signs in your child right away, and get him or her help asap. that's the comfort i take in the possibility of being a bp mom passing on bp to my child: i would know right away, knowing the signs from my own experiences, and would seek help right away.

i hope my answer is helpful and helps you sort out some of your concerns/anxieties.

pm me if you'd like to talk at all-

melinda

Hi Ash,

Your main question relates to genetic passing of depression.

There are a lot of misconceptions on this topic and the truth is exact scientific srudies have not given conclusive proof on the issue. That's why Google doesn't give us reams of references you see.

However there was a famous study done, referred to as the "Twins Study" where twins were tracked from birth to determine differences, depression being either the main issue or one of many, I can't recall the detail on that. Nor can I recall where I read that. I've read so much over the years and have discussed the Twins Study with my pdoc who agrees generally with what it found.

So the idea was that they checked the twins, quite a number of sets, over a long period and they came up with a figure of about 1/3rd being genetic, or from birth and 2/3rds being environmental, or after birth

That is as close as I've seen to a scientific response on the issue and it contradicts what many believe. Many assume that if a parent had it then you are likely to get it. Not so, genetically at least.

What is more likely though is that if a parent or both parents do have depression and live a depressive lifestyle then the child is likely to be taught that pattern of behaviour.

You follow? A child's main learning, personality wise, is done up to about age 5 and as such learns directly from the parents. If a parent is always negative and says negative things and acts irrationally etc the child is likely to learn that as normal behaviour and copy it. This is a very brief and generalised picture and of course many do not follow that pattern. But the children who do absorb the thinking patterns add to the believe that it is genetic.

Like you say, you got it from your Dad. Maybe, maybe not.

You follow what I'm saying?

Genetically what our children become is really fairly predetermined in many ways but their mental health is not so definite at all. You might be able to predict a long nose or being tall fairly accurately but not mental health.

I don't know that much about meds while pregnant, being male, but I'm sure I've been told there are meds that can be taken during pregnancy safely. Don't quote me on that but ask your doc, of course.

Hope this gives you some guide on what to ask or look for.

Just as an aside, my current partner and I had a child when she was 43. Her doctors and every nurse freaked out about it and kept telling her how high the risks of our child being affected due to her age. They really didn't let up and scared her silly a number of times. She was fine, perfect and is now 14 and doing brilliantly. Maybe we were lucky but I'm just saying the direst predictions mean nothing sometimes.

Very best

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