I am an adult adoptee* who is in reunion with my birth mom & most recently my birth dad. I've always known that I was adopted. I've always felt adopted too (older non-adopted bro & younger non-adopted sis among so many other reasons). Since I was a young girl, I've known that I had to find my parents. Although reunion has helped me start down the path to healing, it's brought up a plethora of emotions. Ones that I didn't deal with when I was young. I HAVE to deal with them now.

I'm wondering: How many of us are adopted and/or birthparents? What's your story?



*Nothing like the fact that spell check programs pretty much universally DO NOT recognize the word "adoptee" to make ya feel special.

Hi. I am adopted...age 48 now. I was born in Quebec City, Canada lived in an orphange unitl I was adopted by my parents in the U.S. I grew up in a suburb outside of Chiago, am now married with a 15 year old son and live in Tampa. I never have had any desire to seek out birth parents. In my opinion I do not feel the fact that I am adopted has anything to do with my depression ( I could be wrong).
Greg

I belong to an adult adoptee forum; it seems that with few exceptions, those of us who seek reunion are mostly female. I've found the same to be true in "real life".

We had a similar discussion on the adoptee forum. Many of us have been diagnosed as clinically depressed. Most of us who have been diagnosed are in reunion or searching.

Sometimes I wish I could go back into the "fog" of not dealing with it. Not saying you are in a fog Greg, but there is no doubting many of us have been there. Ignorance was bliss.

I'm adopted...I'm 17. Adoption isn't a big thing for me though. More people in my family are adopted than not (5 out of 7 kids), plus, an aunt and an uncle, and 5 cousins are all adopted too.

I was adopted at the age of 3 by my step father, if you count that as being adopted? I met my real father when I turned 18. Turned out to be a major disappointment. I'm glad I have my stepfather, and I realize how I took him for granted growing up. I'm a lucky girl to end up with the daddy I have.

Wow! In my family I was very much the exception. Is adoption openly talked about in your family then? It wasn't in mine, and I think that made it harder.

I didn't start really looking into finding my family until after I had kids. And then it was mainly because of the medical history. I felt I owed it to them. But the more I started looking, the more I realized that I DID want more. I wanted to know more. About my parents, my aunts/uncles, cousins, grandparents, lineage, history, heritage, ethnicity.... I could go on.

I felt that their history was MY history. I needed to fill that gap. I'm still on that journey, and it's been healing.




I think it counts!

Sounds like you are very lucky to have your stepfather in your life. I hope you've let him know how you feel about him.

i have a weird situation -- i was never officially adopted by my grandparents, but i was raised by them and only saw my biologicals a few times in my life.
i'm sure that i wasn't wanted by my biologicals (they were 15 & 17) and if abortion had been legal, that would have been what happened to me.
even as my biologicals got older, they were never interested in me -- and that was ok because i had no desire to go live with them -- they were more like distant relatives.
my grandparents probably made tons of mistakes with me -- but i knew they loved me and wouldn't have ever willingly gave me up -- that they wanted me and were proud of me -- and i had a very secure childhood. we were pretty poor i guess, but it didn't matter so much. we always had just enough.
i think that if i had been left with my biologicals, i would have been a very screwed up person.


i now have an 18 year old son who has been raised by both parents his whole life and never lacked for attention or anything. of course, our home life isn't perfect -- who's is? he has depression & anxiety -- and i'm beginning to think he may be bi-polar, but it's a waiting game to see.


anyway -- i don't really think it matters who your birth parents are as long as you feel loved & secure.
there's nothing wrong with finding your birth parents if you feel the need though.

I'm glad for you that your grandparents were loving and provided a secure childhood!

For those of us who grew up without any link to our families, it might be a little different. Did you know that things like depression are hereditary? I found out that it ran on my mom's side of the family once I found her. That helped me to figure out what kinds of therapy & meds had worked for her and what would be more likely to work for me.

i think it depends on the person -- about the link being necessary. my cousin was in a similiar situation, he's 6 years younger than me and abortion was legal.
my aunt was 17 and they tried to talk her into an abortion -- she wouldn't do it. she tried to take care of him for awhile -- but my grandmother slowly took over & wouldn't let her take him when she moved out. although they all knew who his father was, they would never tell him because he was the big local drug dealer and went to prison for awhile. i think that bothered him because of the way he would act towards everyone. i always called my grandparents mom & dad -- to the world, they were my parents unless someone asked -- and then they would get the story -- it's not like it was a secret. as soon as he was old enough to know what was going on, he was careful to call them granddad & grandma -- but he would never call him mom by anything but her real name and he wouldn't have anything to do with her. even though he never lived with her outside our home, she came by and took both of us places when she could -- she was like a big sister/second mother to me.

his mom had a second child later on and my cousin wouldn't have anything to do with him either -- like it was his fault or something -- just odd.

anyway, my cousin isn't depressed as far as i know. my younger cousin is -- my aunt was never depressed, but my younger cousin's dad was and finally committed suicide.

i do know that these things run in family's and my son has it from various parts of both my side and my husband's side of the family. however, i don't know how effectively everyone has been treated -- and most are either dead or we've lost contact with them.

i think it's great that finding your mom has helped you like that -- it's a real struggle sometimes to find the right med.
my son has been on several combinations. he's even had some that worked great -- and then gave out all of a sudden.

wow that is exactly my story. i was adopted by my dad when i was five. and then one day i decided to meet my biological dad, i was a bit worse for ware at 19. but i have never seen him since. i love my dad that reared me. i dont want to upset my family by pursueing my biological father as two of my young siblings dont know yet. i think it upsets me alot though. it is an issue i cant find a way out of at the moment. so i just ignore the whole thing.

im adopted.. recently met my birth family... i guess i havent reacted yet.. one thing that kinda bothers me is that i have an older sister who grew up with my birthmother... it kinda makes me feel like she was good enough but i wasn't... not sure, but that could have a little to do with feeligs toward myself... my birth mother and i talk sometimes, but she definitely is not one who can handle a close relationship... and on the other hand, im not too sure myself... i dont want a mother-daughter relationship from her- i had a mom... but it would be nice to have a good friendship...

Hi all,
I've read here for a little bit, but this topic kind of stuck a chord with me.
In my family of 5 kids, all are adopted. 2 of us, the oldest, were adopted right out of the hospital, the next two in foster care for ~3 months, then adopted, and the 5th was a foster child who my parents grew attached to. I have two cousins who were adopted also.
Aside from any possible genetic factors, I don't believe adoption has played a big part in my depression. I've never played through any scenarios where I was raised by my birth mother would have been like. I mention genetic factors because I found out a couple weeks ago that my birth mother's son(my biological brother I guess?) suffers from pretty severe depression and has even attempted suicide in the past year. I guess I should add that my birth mother lives about an hour away and I usually see them(her and her family) once every 18 months or so.
I've never met my birth father, but I gather from what my mom has told me it wouldn't be worth the effort. She said when I was born, he almost had an attitude that she was simply going to be a babysitter for a couple years.