So I tore my ACL again, twice in a year. I had just recovered fully from my last ACL surgery when I tore this one...Why. I'm 19 and I've had way too many surgeries, broken bones and problems in my life. I can't even tell anyone how depressed I feel either. If I tell my father, he say told you so about being physical after my surgery. If I tell my mother or my brother, they'll just get sad and depressed. So I have to hide it and act like I fine with losing another year of my life. I would think 2 knee surgeries, 1 eye surgery, 4 broken wrists, 1 broken collar bone and being more than half deaf would be enough s*** to deal with in one lifetime, not to mention the fact that I couldn't speak until I was 5 years old. No, I was not retarded, but the lack of hearing made it so I would misprnounce words and mishear words, so when I spoke, nobody could understand me. I try to do what I can, but the only outlet I have is myself. I speak to myself to unload the s*** that is life back onto myself. Not exactly the best thing to do...but it's all I have. I also love the fact that whenever anything goes wrong, I get called. Be it my mother complaining about how my father hates our family, or my father complaining about how my mom is crazy to my brother just telling me about a s***ty day he may have had at school.

I'm sorry for this long post, but as sad as it is, this is my only outlet. I can't even lift because of my leg. My only passion, competing, is gone. I hate my life. I wish I could switch places with my brother.

Penguin,

I am so upset hearing this, all this sound very hard to deal with. I know that all you wish to do now is take off, forget about your life and take a ride on a better one. Me too. A lot of us do. But what I can see when reading this post, is an opportunity for improvment. You may withdraw but you know this wont help. I realy think that letting your parents know about the ACL is better idea, I know it's not easy, but how long can you keep it?
We have planty of realy awful problems in are family as well, but are you sure about this whole switching places with your brother? I dont know, but he might have planty of other junk in his life you dont realy want to deal with too. The ACL problem can be fixed, my mother had lots of it too, and of course is takes a lot of rest. Sometimes it can be terribly frustrating. Please dont be so hard on yourself. You can still fight it, and come back as a winner.

Take care of yourself and keep posting,
Holding your hands,
Keren.

Thank you for the kind words. I can't tell my parents about my knee because I'll have to leave college to have the surgery. To be stuck in that house for 3-4 months with noway to leave...I can't handle that again...but I don't know a real alternative.

About my brother though...he's just so lucky. He was able to learn from my mistakes, and he has none of the problems I had. He's never need surgery, broken a bone or had anything worse than a cut. Perfect acne free skin(because of me. My parents refused to take me to the docs until I was 17 and I was given Accutane on the spot and they took him as soon as he had 1 pimple), amazing talents in the arts and he is a genius.

but again, I really don't know what to do. I'm hobbling around up here, but...i just don't know.

So now when your knee remains on the same state, are you capable of studinig? Is it bearable? How much time do you left until you can leave college to have the surgery? Then again, you will have to do it in one way or another. Whether it's now or in a year. Just think, that if you choose to do it now, you can finaly get it off your chest.

I specialize in comparing myself to others. Yet all I am receiving is pain and frustration. Hard as it is, it is indeed pointless...What are you studing?