I have been seeing a counsellor for 6 months to do with grief issues involving the loss of my daughter and suicidal thoughts. I did two attempts and told her about them, she then told my work place and my husband. My work place doctor (who doesn't know about attempt) said if I did any attempts I would be sent off to hospital. I did one further attempt, right after I saw her and right after she made me give her a verbal undertaking I wouldn't do anything stupid. Which I need to talk about but don't want to be sent to hospital. Have noticed that attempts were around 7 - 9 weeks apart, so now know to be careful around this time. Work has an after hours line but I am too scared to call it to talk to them as if you mention suicidal thoughts they have to tell someone. Sometimes I am tempted just to tell her right at the end and then run out of the room.

I now that they can send you off to hospital under the mental health act if it is a recent attempt so figuring maybe waiting a long time frame, so it won't be recent.

This post has been edited by crashandburn: Jan 5 2008, 04:29 AM

I have told my therapist about failed attempts. i have tried so many times i lost count. sometimes i told him and sometimes i didnt say anything. i think the best thing is to say something. dont hold the pain inside. let it out. let it all out. you have a right to feel pain over your loss. plus if you tell how you really feel, you can get the right help too. you can't get help through this painful time if you don't say anything. it is ok to go to the hospital. i was just in the hospital two times at the end of 2007. i went voluntarily. nothing wrong with going. i dont let everyone know i was in mental hospitals but there is nothing wrong with going. people who dont suffer depression dont always understand.
i wanted to die but went to the hospital instead. it helped. it didnt solve all my problems but it helped.

Hi Crashandburn,

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter and your subsequent difficulties.

As Mike says, hospital isn't a bad place to be, especially if you are still having suicidal impulses and thoughts. I spent some time in an adolescent unit, and although due to my anxiety causing issues with staying there away from home, the experience was one that I needed in order to begin my period of getting more help/support and feeling more stable.

If you feel unable to call a help line at work, perhaps you are able to call a national helpline? They can offer support and advice for you in difficult times. I'm sure you've seen it, but there is a scrolling banner on this page, if you click it, you will be able to find links to Austalian hotlines.

I know that eventually I felt I had to be honest with the people around me, and then just trust that they would know how to handle it. It is a hard step to take, but the more truthful you can be, the more the help you receive can be tailored accordingly to your needs.

I hope that things take a turn towards the positive soon, good luck.

Take care,

Florry

This post has been edited by Florry: Jan 5 2008, 07:31 AM

My response is definitely different from those above. If a patient tells a therapist or physician that they are having suidical thoughts, that counselor is under legal obligation to have the patient hospitalized, or at least evaluated immediately to see if hospitalization is necessary. The experiences I had at two different hospitals were horrendous and left me with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder on top of the PTSD I already had. After the last hospitalization I promised myself that I would NEVER put myself or my family through such an ordeal ever again. The last time I was sent for the "evaluation" at the hospital, I lied when the doctor asked "Are you having suicidal thoughts right now?"

I'm not discouraging you from getting help if you need help, but from personal experience I would suggest that you find out from your counselor before you do have another suidical episode the step by step procedure for being hospitalized. I would find out where I would be sent, what type of therapy I could expect there, how long I would be expected to stay, and (most importantly) what type of enviornment the hospital had. If I had known what to expect ahead of time, the terrible experiences I had might have been avoided, or at least not have been so shocking.

This post has been edited by cookiecrumbs: Jan 5 2008, 03:06 PM

I have told only the ones that I truly gained a trusting relationship with. They did not comment, just jotted it down. I was pretty much dumping on them anyway. Most of the ones I've been to in the past want to know if I have suicidal ideation now; or, within the last year and would I seek help if I did.
I did have homicidal ideation at one point during a major depressive episode and I conveyed it to the therapist I was seeing and that almost got me in big trouble because I was in the military at the time. I saw his facial reaction and he said something to the effect, "when was this, remember, I wear two hats and I must report it if it is now or recent". Thank goodness it was not a recent event; but, I just wanted to tell him how angry I was and I know how people feel whom are pushed to the brink and randomly go shooting. I felt really guilty and ashamed of this horrible invasion of violence within me; for sure, I'm not saying it's right; never, ever, is this right. I could just understand how someone could be pushed to that level of anger and despair when severly depressed and unmedicated. Especially when you're getting relentlessly ostracized for your mental illness. Rough stuff...
Lucinda

What time length is recent? I asked the counsellor that once and she said 6 months!!! She wouldn't really give me a straight answer.

Hi,
I agree with Cookie Crumbs from below. Unless you really do want to be sent to the hospital, I wouldn't say a word. As she said, they do have a legal obligation. And talk about stigmatized (or however you spell it) that stigma being attached to you is the be all and end all of the mental health mis-understandings. It's enough for people to know you are depressed/have depression, but when they have been informed that you have suicidal thoughts, their behaviors change towards you, their conversations change, all of a sudden everyone reads negative things into every thing you say. It's a good way to lose much needed friends at a time when you really need them, simply because they are so afraid of saying "the wrong thing" that would be the trigger for you.
On the other hand, in view of the loss of your daughter, which I can't begin to imagine the pain that brings you, it breaks my heart terribly for you, but in view of that, it may be a prudent thing for you to do - to just tell your therapist that you want to be checked in. It's a whole lot better way to get in and still be socially acceptable! People can understand you doing that, as it shows that you are genuinely acting on your need for help. But doing it the suicidal route seems to mess with too many people's heads. If you did go in, and these days they are not a bad place at all, you would have the support you need there. In that place you can spill your guts about anything and everything, as you pretty much can't hurt yourself, unless you are incredibly crafty. But it allows you some down time from the daily responsibilities of life. It gives you time to rest, to help yourself to heal. It gives you the freedom of speech where everyone around you is understanding and not overly reactive. It would seem to me that maintaining working may have you thinking that it keeps you busy, minimizing thinking time. But if you are struggling as much as it sounds like you are, I would throw in the towel and outright admit that I need a break. The stress of having to perform at work at the same level as before your loss, keeping up a false face, and knowing that others have a 3rd eye on you, that would exhaust me to a point that I would burst out in tears if I had to go to the bathroom. You are more than justified to do anything at all that you need to help yourself, with no judgements from anyone. Take advantage of it, no one could expect someone to be numb to a horrific loss, so give in to your heartache and allow yourself a break from everything else in life so that you can properly grieve and cry and scream and know that you don't have to worry about what someone else will think while you are at it.
Do it. That's all there is to it.
I wish the best in your efforts to cope. Please know that you have a wonderful support team within this forum of very caring people. Use us.
Always Trying.

Thanx for your responses. I have a friend who recently her husband made a suicide attempt, and a very serious one where the ambulance needed to be called, it was touch and go. The hospital let him out the next day. He made another very serious attempt where they almost lost him on the way to hospital, they had to stop and work on him, and again he was let out a few days later. I am very wary about going to a hospital. I did get to a stage once where some little thing upset me so much that I didn't stop crying for 2 days, then I got upset that I was upset at something so trivial I came close to handing myself in. I am trying very hard to make it alone, and pushing suicidal thoughts outside my head. My daughter committed suicide. We didn't even know she was depressed and saw no signs.

Crashandburn,
I attempted suicide and I was taken to the hospital and I stayed until they thought I was stable. Later, I also received ECT Treatments, that I credit with getting me on a higher plain and out of my depression. In my opinion, you need to be helped by your Doctor, Now!
Doug

For my bout with homicidal ideation, he wanted to know if it was the here and now!....was I still feeling this way. He backed off some when I told him the incident was almost a year previous to and that I had never felt that way before, to my very core. For suicidal ideation, the docs I had considered in the last year. I guess there are different perspectives depending on how depressed you are or if you are fairly well stabilized on medication.
Lucinda

I am actually not on medication, and I don't even know if I am depressed, but I am grieving though. At work I spoke to this guy and told him about having the 2nd appointment, I told him that they might want to refer me on to a psychiatrist and he said they would only do that if you were really depressed and you do not come across that way. This guy I work with is a real stress head and stresses over everything, I try and make him laugh and I also put up funny cartoons around the office. What worries me about seeing a psychiatrist is that I do not want to go on medication or him to do an assessment on me and send me off to hospital. The reason I worry about medication is because of the side effects, and seeing people trying to come off the medication. In my line of work I have seen a lot of drug addicts and I had a friend who was on lots of medication, lithium tablets, panadeine forte, mercindol etc. The amount she was taking, I would have been off to see my maker. She was always falling asleep in the middle of the day, dragging her feet etc, I actually found out that she also took her own life. I just don't want to go there and am trying my best to do it alone and push away bad thoughts, and I have a holiday to Fiji planned for March so I am trying to focus on that. I did get upset when a neighbour reported my dogs for barking out of spite, he knows my situation as it was on the news here, the dogs are another thing that keeps me going. Thank you for your support guys, I do feel better in typing this out. The media can be really horrible if you don't give them a story they will make up their own, they sat off my house for 2 days and they were at the funeral.

The counsellor emailed me today and I am supposed to be seeing her at 2.00pm. She apologised for neglecting me. Who wants to make a bet she cancels the appointment. I have been feeling like I am definately going down hill. I saw her today, and do feel better after seeing her. She recons I will be seeing her for a long time. She set up an appointment for me next week and I said "thats if you are there", she said she would be there, but who knows. She wants to me to email her some of the internet links where people have been saying some horrible things about me, people who do not know me. I asked her if a person had in their mind that they were going to make an attempt and got everything ready but then stopped, if that was an attempt, she said it was.

This post has been edited by crashandburn: Jan 9 2008, 04:08 AM

Hi crashandburn,
Hope your appointment went well with her and all your subsequent appointments are successful. Let us know how it goes, if you so desire.
Peace,
Lucinda

Thanx am supposed to be seeing her next week at 2.00pm. But do feel a lot better today.