well i have a son of 7 years who been asking alot of quetions on
why mummy shouts and get angry and is allway crying.
he just does not understand as he say you are sad for a reson and if you have a head ach take some pain killers
How do you explane thing to you chilren ?
How much to you tell them ?
em x-x-x

My children are a little bit older and it's somewhat easier to tell them about depression. I know how embarrassing it is to have your child confront you about being irritable, as this happened early on in treatment from my oldest daughter and was sort of a eye-opener for me. It led me to more awareness of how my illness was affecting my family and I didn't want them to have to deal with 'my bad days'.

I know it's difficult to have little children who always seem to find ways to tell us what they are thinking. Hearing a child ask about our behavior seems to lend a thought that they may think it's something they are responsible for. I guess telling him that it is an illness that makes one feel tired and irritable and has nothing to do with them might be a start. I know children need plenty of reassurance about this. They seem to think they are responsible for lots of things that they really aren't. I know I did when I was little..........

Have you tried to explain to him what depression is? It's an illness that effects the way you feel, and sadness is one of the bigger feelings that children understand. I know this is difficult to explain to children, but it's a start.

Jackie

Hi Emma ,

It must be very confusing for your little boy , it is important to explain to children in an appropriate way for their age .
I would choose a cosy cuddle moment with him , and quite simply explain that there are parts of the body inside that need treatment at times , such as a tummy ache , explain that at times the head needs treatment too , your head is tired inside and this explains your moodiness , say very clearly that it is not his fault at all , in the same way if he has a tummy ache it is not anybodies fault . Reassure him also that you are getting treatment and that you will get better , answer any questions honestly but in an appropriate way for his age , He may be feeling that it is somehow his fault you are so sad .

I hope this helps , let us know how you get on .

best wishes
Hugs Hedge

Have you tried to explain to him what depression is?
Yes i have i told him that mum was not feeling to well and felt sad. then that lead to him asking why i felt sad? so i just said i know i cry alot and feel sad but it has nothing to do with you or dad or any one. he sat there thinking for some time and then said well when i am sad it becuase some one upset me or i fallen over. i said yes thats right but when i feel sad its iam not feeling well and sum time i feel sad or get angry or even shout. then he was ok with that till today. he came to me and said you know when you said you was not very well i said yes he said well you went away for 6 months when you was ill last time. are you going away again. i said no i am not going away for a long time again. but some times if i get not very well again i will have to go in hospital for a little while but it will not be miles away like last time you be able to see every day. but i am not going in if i can help it. but i dont feel he happy with what i said as he asked his dad the same questions.

so thats what i said so far to him.
em xxx

kids are so perceptive -- and so smart
at 7, they understand so much more than people give them credit for.

it's good that he's asking those questions instead of holding it in & maybe blaming himself.

your answers sounded good to me. i've always heard it's best to give kids direct, honest answers in terms appropriate for their age.
to not hide anything, but to not go into more detail than they asked for.

i wouldn't worry too much about him asking his dad the same questions, he just wants to make sure you're being honest with him and not just telling him something to make him feel better.

i don't have any advice for you, it sounds like you're doing the right thing to me.

Your talk with your son sounded really good to me. Sounds like you are being honest and open and know as his mom how to give as much or little info as you feel is neccessary and good for him. I know it is difficult. I have been through these times also with my son who is now 12. It is hard to not feel guilty for me sometimes even when I see I am doing so much good and trying all I can. You are doing what you can to be responsible in taking care of you and being there for your son. Sounds like a very good mother. I hope you will be feeling better soon. (((((((((((((Emmayoung)))))))))))))

I also think you are doing your best to let him know about this illness. I know how difficult it was to tell my kids. The older ones were 14 and 15 and the first thing the oldest one wanted to know was whether she could have depression and anxiety in the future. Kids are educated about mental health in our school system, which I think is great. When I told her it ran on both sides of the family, she already knew..... I can't say it was a 'high point' in Motherhood, but the truth always comes out. She then was treated for a sleep disorder with a small dose of antidepressants and was off them in a month. I know she knows that if she's to become depressed in the future that there's help out there.

My younger daughter is now 12 and is very cuddly to start with. She's the kind of kid who will show her affection and ask for kisses and hugs, freely. I don't think she realizes that this is deeply appreciated. How do you put this in words? She's one of the biggest motivators in my life. What a child I was blessed with.

Now, my son is the worrywart. It's always something, and if one of my kids is going to have an issue with anxiety, here it is!! (sigh)

I don't know how to protect them from this, but teaching them coping skills has to be the greatest thing I feel I can do. I feel sad talking about this. It's difficult to admit, you know?

Love, Jackie

Hi Echo78

I think you are doing a great job too.

Thanks all for you help and support.
It realy a great to hear iam doing a good job of things.
thanks again
echo XXXX

I have a 10yr old girl and have been diagnosed with depression 2 months ago. My daughter has noticed that I don't do alot of the things I use to like running going to the gym 5-6 times a week. I have more headaches now and usually spend my time on the couch or at home when I should be at work. I have not yet explained to her my condition, as I am still trying to understand and cope with it myself. All she knows is that mom is having alot of migraines and headaches these days and isn't running or working out anymore. That and I've been going to the doctor quite a bit too. I'm not going to hide the fact that I have depression, I just need to really understand it myself first.

I think it's an important thing that she knows that you are going to the doc because you don't feel well. Children this age know more than you think. My youngest daughter was around 9 when this last depressive episode started and I decided to just stay on meds, as the relapses where coming on quicker and the symptoms were getting more intense. I never had a panic attack in front of my children, and I'm thankful for that, but anxiety was the biggie for me and I was irritable as heck. I know I told the youngest one that I didn't feel well and felt sad and needed a hug. That was enough for her. As time went on and I felt better, I went on to explain that I was trying to deal with too much stress and it got so big that I needed to see a doctor to be able to feel better. I know that when my kids see me know, they know that depression is treatable, but that will take time for this to happen with your just starting on meds.

I wish you the best. I know the adjustment to meds can result in feeling tired. It's great that your Mother is there to help.

Let us know how it goes!

Jackie

i just wanted to let you all know. That i been to a pearents evening and the techaer says he is has be back chating alsot and disturbs alot of the other children. Also he very slow at writeing he not finshed a peice of work 7 week. She says as it a new school and whats going on at home its understanderble that he is the way he is at home and school. The school nurse is going to have a chat with him about things and just tell him that there is people he can talk to even if you can't talk to is perants.
Its put my mind at rest know know the school is also look at this.
thanks all for the support.
echo xxxx

My mom was depressed and it was really hard for me the mistakes she made with me and my brothers and sisters is she never told us what was wrong with her and she would lose it at times say she was leaving the house and never coming back screaming over little stuff and just unbearable to be around it was a real rough time for me being the oldest trying to help my siblings not to panic but not being sure of what was going on either. The best thing is to just talk to him and let him know you love him and he isnt doing anything i cant tell you how many times i thought it was somthing i was doing and it was making me upset with myself

Glad you said that. That is so important- to make sure they know that these things are not their fault. And to keep open communication. And listening to them and really hearing them.

Thanks Jackie,

I talked to my daughter this month regarding my condition. I guess I had it last Christmas, but didn't realize it..she had mentioned that she wanted to walk around the neighborhood to see all the Christmas lights this year, as we didn't last year due to me crying. She's got quite the memory, because I didn't remember until she mentioned it. We talked about how I wasn't feeling well and that I sometimes get sad and cry, but it isn't because of her. And that I'm seeing a doc (counseling) and that taking medication will help me get better. My husband and I are quite affectionate to each other, so I'm not worried about her thinking we are not getting along. We are also affectionate to her...hugs and kissed before heading off to sleep, a hug when she goes off to school and comes home. I know this really helps me with this struggle.

I will let her know more as she gets older and wants to know more about it. As right now, I'm still trying to figure out exactly what I'm going through and how I got this way.