Characteristics of HOCD:

Unwanted or intrusive thoughts about being homosexual
Doubts of one's own sexuality
Inability to get rid of unwanted worries or intrusive thoughts about being a homosexual
Seeing a member of the same sex causes anxiety and triggers unwanted thoughts about being a homosexual
Avoidance of members of the same sex for fear of unwanted thoughts or anxiety
Thoughts or worries about giving off signals that one may be a homosexual
Repeating mundane actions for fear that these actions may have been performed in a "homosexual" way or a way that may signal homosexuality in the person (for example, a male may feel the need to get up from a chair and sit back down in it if he feels that the way he sat in the chair was "feminine," or a male may worry that the way he walks is too "feminine" or signals homosexuality)
Repeating an action may relieve anxiety, but then the person feels the need to repeat the action (or ritual) again and again to relieve anxiety
Anxiety over being a homosexual is in opposition to one's own values and desires
One feels that the thoughts are unacceptable and inappropriate
Homosexual thoughts are repulsive rather than arousing

Characteristics of Being a Homosexual (not suffering from HOCD):

Having feelings of attraction for members of the same sex (even if kept secret)
Having sexual encounters with members of the same sex
Preferring members of one's own sex for sexual/dating partners or feeling comfortable with both male and female sexual/dating partners
Homosexual thoughts are pleasant, though a person may be shameful of their sexual orientation or keep it a secret


im sure i have HOCD, ive experienced it for about 5 months and it comes and goes. it started to ease away about 2 months ago but this past week the thoughts have become so uncomfortable i can barely think straight, cannot sleep because these thoughts go round and round in my head 24/7!! It creates so much anxiety for me, when it gets really bad i cant even breathe - i have a huge panic attack. I know im not gay because ive been straight all my life, i went to an all girls school and i didnt fancy any girls there, i would usually fancy the male teachers. whenever i see a lesbian i fear that i am going to get attracted to them.

So you are not yet happy within your own skin? Maybe it's just centred on homosexuality at this time? Most sexes have 'crushes' on same sex people that they fancy for many reasons! At any age!

Live and let live. We are what we are. Sometimes we can accept but remember our parents/raising makes us aware of how to socialise so anything that is outside the 'norm' for that culture can be difficult to face when we move into the Big Bad World.

What is the worst that will happen should you be 'gay'?

I think it's like some other forms of OCD. Take me for example. My OCD is strictly obsessive intrusive thoughts that invoke severe panic. A few of mine are: Fear of hurting others, fear of imagining other people and really just being alone on Earth, fear of my whole life just being a figment of my imagination....the list goes on but you get the gist.

My point is that these fears are unrealistic, and they are all things that are "taboo" or terrifying to me personally. In a non-panicked or medicated state, I do not get stuck on these things. My brain doesn't hiccup and I know that they are foolish to believe. But without my meds, I do get stuck on them and panic severely. It's chemical...it's darned OCD.

Other people with OCD might think that mine are silly. But that could be because my worries are things that really wouldn't be a concern to them.

So maybe you can keep doing your research. Cover all of your bases. Check out information on homophobia, homosexuality, more on HOCD. I think talking with a good pdoc would be a really good idea.

Just my opinions....but I sincerely wish you the best.

I don't think the 'live and let live' attitude is particularly helpful. Some people find the idea of being homosexual totally abhorrent.

To a degree I have this type of OCD; for a long time I thought I was gay because when talking to a male I would visualise performing a sexual act on them and also I would keep telling myself 'I'm gay' over and over.

However, I have never fancied men and only get turned on by women. As far as I am aware, this is quite a common condition for OCD sufferers.

In my particular case having been sexually abused by a male, it is my opinion that I have not dealt with many issues associated with male sexual identity as a child which may explain these symptoms.

Maybe it's not really unwanted thoughts. Maybe you just think they're unwanted thoughts. They always try to convince us that it's unwanted thoughts when in reality maybe we're just not the people we think we are.

Maybe, maybe not. Given that I have issues with identity I can't answer that one way or the other. However, I do know that obsessive thoughts of this kind are a form of OCD and once you know that, they become easier to deal with.

im wondering did u grow up particularly 'religious?' with a religion that says being homosexual is 'wrong (i dont mean to offend anyone of any religion and i dont have any thoughts that this is true myself its just i know some religions have a basis that it is 'wrong' if u kwim?). Or did ur parents bring u up to believe it is wrong or something to be feared? just wondering because it sounds like u feel if u were homosexual that it would be something awful or to be ashamed about? maybe this is what it stems from? i may be totally off the mark but its just things i thought when i read ur post.
i have never heard of this type of ocd but i suppose it can take any form really. do u feel repulsion or fear or bad feelings towards other people who are gay? gay friends etc. im wondering if u are very sheltered from this, not knowing anyone personally who is gay then maybe it is the 'fear of the unknown' sort of thing. i dont know if this even makes sense as i mean it. i think an example would be a comment when u were younger about how 'bad' homosexuality was and then maybe subconsciously u thought, without even realising, 'if i were gay i would be disowned' etc and then bit by bit this fear would multiply until u got 'obsessed' by it. just some thoughts.
i would get some sort of counselling or talk therapy for it becoz it has obviously reached a pitch that it is interfering with ur life hun.

Hi I have HOCD also, Ive been dealing with it for quite a long time now. I dont get any gay thoughts about any guy. What I usually get is uncomfortable sometimes around them, and kinda look funny at them.. like not having a straight eye to eye conversation, or seeming as if they think im gay making that really uncomfortable. And obviously get anxious, which makes people around me look at me wierd, or even think I'm gay probably.. like If I was hiding something. I know I am straight I have had relationships before, but yea I do get mocked about probably being gay or bisexual, which really gives me anxiety. I was also abused as a little kid by a dude, which I think probably caused it.. Although what really triggered it was while smoking a joint with a few unknown friends of my friend, started mocking me that I was gay, probably cause I was stoned out of my mind, and really caused some kind of obsession or trauma. Its horrible!!

I totally had this, too. The Fear was never centered around "What will people think when I come out?" It was, "what if I'm gay?" and it sucked. It totally threw me off because my entire life, I've been nothing but attracted to women. Never even had a crush on a guy, or was curious.

The weirdest thing was, it came up in therapy. I had been suffering panic attacks, and I mentioned "sexual issues" to my doctor that I was wanting to talk about, and he asked "performance or orientation?" and it wasn't until a couple of hours later that the "orientation" comment scared me. I figured, he's a doctor, maybe he noticed something that clued him into an orientation I never knew existed. This led to a panic attack, and my typically accepting personality was affected--I felt hostile towards homosexuals because it was such a source of discomfort for me.

The worst part is this is just a microcosm of everything that is OCD. You have irrational thoughts that prey on insecurities that more than likely are indicative of nothing except your inability to stop ruminating. You poke holes in aspects of your personality with which there is no "flaw."

Fear breeds insecurities. What frightens you most? Being gay or being thought of as gay?

From what I can tell, I think I suffer from this but to a lesser extent now that in the past. I become so confused about relationships and when I've thought about having a traditional realationship, I see it falling apart and then I wonder if I a same-sex relationship would come out (no pun intended) any better. With my christian upbringing, thoughts of H**l and damnation imediatly follow and then my anxiety kicks in. I only wish I could quit thinking about why a guy would be a alternative. It's freaking me out.

When you fall in love you will know .......... all the worries will leave you. It won't matter, all that will matter is that you and she/he will be together for a long while ........ quit worrying, get on with life and it will fall into place. Get out there, mix, look and learn keeping busy will occupy your mind!

This kinda describes me.

My younger sister had thoughts similar to this. She would worry that she was gay, however she knew she was not attracted to other women. It was an intrusive thought that she would obsess over.

hey there, i don't know if this could help you at all, but this is my story how i beat ocd, i'll just send this to you in case something that helped me could help you too. i know the hell of ocd, it's awful always questioning and analyzing everything, not being able to just be and rest. anyways, here it is:

I was scared of using antidepressants, so i looked for alternatives, and found many and for me, they really worked. i got huge help from bach flower remedies(bach flower remedies can be used with any medication, 'cos they are so called "energy medicine" so if you are on medication bach remedies can be used anyway); white chestnut for unwanted repetitive and intrusive thoughts that won't go away, cherry plum for fear of going crazy and losing mind and losing control and doing something you don't want to do, pine for guilt, crab apple for fear of dirt, contamination, sin, bacteria etc, scleranthus for being unable to decide, constantly changing mind, cerato for not trusting yourself and your inner voice and being very sensitive to outside influence, always doubting yourself, and also walnut for protection from outside influence, mimulus and aspen for fears, so these flower remedies are really good for ocd. i also used st. john's wort, valerian and passion flower and took zinc and magnesium and a good E-EPA fish oil capsules (E-EPA and st. john's wort have been in some research found to be very effective in treating ocd, but i found valerian and passion flower to be very calming, and zinc and magnesium are good for the nervous system, too), i read up a lot on orthomolecular medicine, that treats mental disorders (schizophrenia, panic attacks, ocd, depression....) with vitamins and minerals, fatty acids and a gluten-free diet also free of sugars, caffeine and additives (i have noticed that sugar and caffeine give me anxiety and after ingesting gluten i don't feel good either, being gluten-free has helped me tremendously with ocd and anxiety). The herbal remedies and vitamins and fatty acids are supposed to naturally balance and help the brain and nervous system, so that ocd is naturally healed (ocd is thought to have being caused by low amounts of serotonin and dopamin and these remedies help with that), i've read about remedies like amoryn (that has herbs and vitamins in it, that have been very helpful for ocd, i haven't used amoryn myself, but have used some of the stuff that's in it). don't give up, you will get better, just keep finding and searching for cures and remedies, just don't give up! i don't know if this was of any help to you, sorry to bother you with this, but just in case, i want you to know there is lots of help out there for ocd! i really hope you get better and can beat ocd and enjoy life again. god bless you!

I had always known I was somewhat OCD, but I didn't think much of it, because I usually had the self control to just 100% ignore the thoughts (that is, to recognize 'checking' for what it was, and just ignore it). However, a couple months ago my OCDness turned onto the HOCD tangent: "could I actually be gay, and have just been uknowingly in furious denial if this fact?" I can recall many instances with women where I felt strong emotional and physical attraction. Some examples:
-A new girlfriend gives me an unexpected hug (in public) and I get the butterfly feeling and an embarrassing erection
-I had the first kiss with a girl I'd been crushing on for a long time, and remember experiencing the 'fireworks', to the point that (at the time) I was like 'man, I've never felt anything like that before...'
-After a period of not seeing a girlfriend for a few months, our first embrace at the airport caused an emotional response in my gut that almost made me almost unable to think or walk. It was 100% pleasurable. I remember thinking "I think I like this girl too much, this is really intense, and you might get hurt"

These are all clear memories for me, and I'm sure an objective non-HOCD sufferer would understand that I am straight. But this didn't stop me from falling into the trap of questioning, "maybe there are other attractions I havn't found yet, that will cause me to be more aroused than I have already obviously been for women" or "maybe the responses I've had are all psychological tricks played on me by society, and I'm just really gullible". I tried fantasizing about men, and this caused nothing but anxiety. I have never found 'success' with gay porn, despite giving it an honest try. I did all of these things, assuming that my heterosexual experiences must have all just been a big lie. Of course, the mind is a powerful device, but not enough to sustain the illusion of pleasure to the degree that I remembered feeling, and remembered observing having felt at the time. Logic in many cases will dictate things that run contrary to your OCD-brain's ranting (and even in non OCD cases...)

The thing that set me off on the HOCD tangent was finding out my roommate is gay and in the closet (he made advances on me). He thought I was gay too, but of course, I'm not. The fact that he thought I was gay set me off big time. Then I got onto this 'well why have you been hanging out with a gay guy then? why do you consider this guy your close friend, if you're not in fact actually gay?'. I then got into the same thing, where I noticed 'attractive' men and would say "did I just find that guy attractive?" To digress a bit, I would suggest to other HOCD sufferers, ask a straight girl if somebody you think is attractive is actually attractive... you might be surprised to find out how not-gay you are. Anyway, just because a gay guy finds you attractive, and may fantasize about you also being gay, doesn't mean that he "knows something you don't". It's analogous to when you are attracted to a girl, and are convinced she likes you as well, but she simply doesn't. You have misread the girl... It happens. And it usually happens when they want to be friends (like how I wanted to be friends with my roommate). Not everybody got set off in this manner, so that may not apply to your particular flavor.

If you have a memory of emotional intimacy (butterfly feeling, usually at the moment of a soft touch, but can also be described as 'tingles and jingles', 'fireworks', 'turning to butter'...) with a woman, you're not gay. If you've never been with a girl, but can remember being able to elicit an emotional response in your gut (of the above nature) by fantasizing about intimacy with a woman, you are not gay. These feelings are not remotely the same as the friendship feeling a homosexual man can feel for a woman. Nor is the friendship feeling you feel towards your comrades 'actually' just repressed sexual attraction. The feelings of intimate attraction are far in excess of friendship, especially if they accompanied an uncontrollable erection. If you are too far into the depths of your OCD, realizing these things will give you only temporary relief. Notice that this is what is happening. (that you are getting only temporary relief from something that should completely squelch the OCD, and are still probably going to read 10,000 more posts just for good measure). Seek professional help if you can't sober up.