This is meant to be an inventory of your management of anger. It is also a major coping skill to learn. There is no "set" answer to the quiz; it only allows you to see how you manage or not manage your anger. Like assertiveness, there is a "happy medium" you can attain from this information.
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GETTING TO KNOW YOUR ANGER

Anger is a normal, human emotion. It is intense. Everyone gets angry and has a right to his/her anger. The trick is managing your anger effectively so that it will mobilize you in a POSITIVE, not negative directions.

The first step in ANGER MANAGEMENT is to get to know your anger by recognizing its symptoms.

DO YOU¦.

PHYSICAL
get a headache?
get dizzy?
get a stomachache?
grit your teeth?
get sweaty palms?
get red-faced?


EMOTIONAL
get depressed?
feel resentment?
feel like lashing out?
feel like running away?
feel guilty?
become anxious?

BEHAVIORAL
cry/yell/scream?
use substances?
get dizzy?
lose sense of humor?
_


DOES YOUR ANGER¦.
contribute to physical problems?
come too frequently?
flare up too quickly?
interfere with major roles? (parent, worker, student)

Is this something i can respond to? If not then feel free to delete it. When I get angry, the first thing that happens to me emotionally is I get anxiety. Once I cognitively read the situation i can usually tell long beforehand if this topic is going to head towards an argument or get physical. When that happens I first give a warning with statements like i think I should leave while we are still on a high note. Or I think we should change the subject, or I can see this is going to end up in an argument. Something to indicate to the other person that something is going wrong. If I do get mad, I stop myself inside by telling myself i am mad and try to reason with myself that I don't need to care so much if that other person sees things my way.

Having gone through domestic violense classes i learned from them that the two biggest reasons, maybe the only real reason for getting angry, is that we want someone to agrre with how we think things should go. The other is That we feel some injustice has been commited toward us. Once this is recognised, then we have the option to let go of that need and make it ok thatthe other person doesn't see things our way, or that injustice is going to happen to us from time to time and that we can't go around taking on the world.

Injustice can be anything from not finding our favorite article of clothing to getting fired from youur job. it can be small like gettiing a cut to big like getting a divorce. We had to write out what was called a hassle log in counseling. They were forms that helped us to identify what happened to fire us up and then identify how we should have handled it. From there what we were going to do in the future to ensure that we don't get into that situation again which usually meant walking away.

That was actually VERY helpful, thank you (((Hadder))), and thank you (((Sheepy))), also.
I must say, that I don't get angry very often, but something happened last night that concerned my son, and left my daughter, husband, and myself laughing.
I was sewing a cosplay costume for my son.  Just working on the front of a shirt, doing a zig zag stitch on the front, you know... going back and forth... when the feeder foot on the bottom (underneath, that feeds the material through as you go) decided that it didn't want to "feed" the material through anymore... well, after several attempts at pulling the material through at a slow rate, and trying to "unbunch" the material, and trying to just get the d*** thing out of the machine, I became irate, and started cussing at the machine, and then (for some unknown reason... I was tired, had had to return a pet fish that we had become attached to... a rather large blood parrot that we really liked, because we couldn't control the amnonia in the tank and I was afraid he would die... and I was feeling very sad, tired, and stressed... and...) I snapped!  I stood up and started kicking and hitting the machine (totally unlike me! ) and started yelling at the machine... "DAMMIT!", "You sorry SOB!", "You sUCK!", "Why I OUGHTA"... and various other things... and everybody came running...

My son pulled me off the machine, which I was kicking.... (imagine me with my leg up on the desk, in my "Tinkerbell flannel jammies... lime green", kicking the hell out of my singer sewing machine that's at least 20 years old... and my 16 year old with a strangle hold on me... holding me back so I don't hurt it!

Well, I suddenly saw the humor in the situation and started laughing my off!

LOL!

at which time, my daughter started laughing and my husband, started smirking and had to leave the room.

Why my son didn't see the humor in it, is beyond me.... Perhaps he was afraid I would "snap" in the end?

Later I told my son that it wasn't fair that he expect me to ALWAYS hold in my emotions.  That I am NEVER allowed to show my anger... or my sadness... or anything... that I'm always supposed to be a "rock", and it's not fair.  A little anger is a healthy thing, don't you think?

My husband told me that I had the name of the dead one on my face when I was kicking the machine.... and it's name was , "Singer"

LMAO!

Bipolar?
PMS?
or just human emotions?

LOL!

That is funny imaging a petite woman kicking and strangling a sawing machine. It is a very good example of what triggers us to get angry. Sounds like it took you awhile though and that is good. You are right in that anger is a human emotion that we shouldn't be afraid of. Anger management classes reinforce that. The idea is what do we do with it? Words are the main acceptable outlet,(according to class) that doesn't mean cussing and name calling but saying hey i am getting mad here and so i need to take a break. This can be words inside our heads too not just outloud at someone. Of course if you are already talking to someone then it helps to apprise them of your next move before you make it.

LMAO, Cat..A little of all three I suppose!

Thanking you all for your input on anger.  Another human emotion we must learn to recognize and deal with.   :;):

(Good Job Mods and TY FMH for your post   :) )

I have always stuffed my anger and  went off like a volcano int he end and when I began to have children, I knew I couldn't act like that in front of them or I'd have chhildren that were afraid of me.  I remove myself from where I am and sit down till I cool off, for the most part.  It's not the easiest thing I ever did, but then I talk about why I'm upset.

Most of the time, I can ignore what is going on to the point where I can make a joke about it, and we can talk.  I have and to apologize too many times to people for my quick mouth.  After 50 years, you learn to tell people that you are getting angry....

I almost forgot Cat, that's some footage I would have loved to have seen, being a petite woman myself.  It's great to be able to laugh at yourself, especially when you see what a humorous situation you got yourself into.  

The funny part is that I'm just NEVER that way!  I NEVER get angry... and especially I hardly ever get angry with people... I just don't see the "need", but every once in awhile, there are a few people that can tell you... when I DO get angry, I go OFF!  I'm likely to just tell you EXACTLY what's on my mind and as quickly as it came, it's gone!  But that maybe happens once a year!  Maybe twice... maybe not even THAT often... (mostly at electricians who wake me up in the mornings... repeatedly! )  or someone else who disturbs me from my usually calm life... :)  (I don't like my "calm" disturbed)

So I don't respond well to people who repeatedly disturb my environment with noise, and other "mess ups" ... and obviously that goes for inanimate objects as well!)

Well, I'm hiding my sewing machine in case you come up to my neighborhood!

Cat, if noise bothers you, how have you handled not getting angry at your children? Children tend to be noisey creatures by nature. I know that alot of times, children who have parents that are noise sensitive, or are highly controlling of their environment, "learn" to be quiet around the parent to avoid triggering anger in the parent. Is that something that you've experienced? If you don't mind me asking? It's personal for me as well.

Of course I get nippy occasionally with my children... I'm no saint, I can promise you that... but as long as my mood stabilizers are working ok (because of my bipolar disorder), I do ok.  It's in my nature (really) to treat people pretty well... especially children.  I was treated so badly by my father, that I have a special empathy for children... I try never to talk to them in such a way as to belittle or berate them or to make them feel unworthy of love... I never want them to feel insignificant or "small" or "helpless", which is something I felt a LOT as a child.  I don't get angry MUCH, as I said, but I get really irritable and mostly at "things'.  If that makes sense.  I've thrown more staplers across the room than I dare to admit, as a volunteer at the school, and I even had my own "Dammit" bag for times of stress when I FELT like throwing a stapler but it wasn't kosher to do so... I would pick up the bag (full of other bags), and toss it down hard (much like you would do in a pillow fight) and yell a muffled, "Dammit!"  :biglaugh:  Not as effective, but made me feel a LITTLE better... just a little.

If ever I DO lose my cool with my kids, the FIRST thing I do, is cry, and apologize immediately... letting them know that it's NOT ok to take it out on THEM... that it IS ok to vent my anger, just not at them... and that it has nothing to do with them in any way... I DO warn them about my irritability and I try to stay alone when sensory overload is a problem.  Mostly, since they are 11 and 16 now, they help me out on this.  (Mom's crazy, you know? ??? ) :;): jk

But for me, it's never ok to take it out on them... I feel badly for even raising my voice at them... so I'm better off just removing myself from the situation.  I've been on the receiving side of THAT far too many times... and it's no fun...  I won't put them through it.  I just won't.  Not if I can help it.  And sometimes... you just can't.

And I know that.  But they're just kids... you know?  Just kids.

I just saw what you asked... Yeah, i guess I do kinda "control" the environment somewhat... well, maybe a lot... we're a pretty "quiet" family.  Mutt always remarks how "quiet" our family is... as compared to hers, which is VERY noisy...

It's funny though, I love going to her house and spending time... HER noises don't bother me, when I don't have to be the one contending with them... but the minute they are MY noises.... Katie bar the door!

I can't stand them in MY house.... I like it quiet and serene... She likes coming to MY house because she says it's the calming place she's ever been... and I find HER house calming... I guess because neither of us have to be the "boss" at the other's house... I don't know.  But I find my house calming too... lots of tealight candles... warm colors... it's very bohemian in decor... it's very "warm"... very organized... but not "stiff"... it's cozy. :)

Thank you for sharing in so much detail Cat. I really, really appreciate it. It helps to know that there are other people out there that experience similar things, and also can give sensitive, caring, non-judgemental advice on how to handle them.

Thank you so much!

Just caught your second post...I thought you had read it! LOL!

That's what I meant. That sounds exactly like me. I'm fine with other people's noisey places....mostly...unless it's waaaaay extreme....but my house can't be like that. I feel guilty about it because I feel like my kids haven't been allowed to just be kids like other families. Except they do get out alot and when they are out and about and at other's houses they do get to be noisey.

Your house sounds heavenly!!!! Bohemian! DIVINE!!!! When can I come for a visit?! Does it overlook the ocean as well? Hmmmm....  :D

I WISH it overlooked the ocean!  (and you can come visit ANYTIME!)  oops! sorry... back to ANGER Management! :)

Thankyou for sharing Cat - there's so much sense in what you say (but I must admit I identify with your anger at the sewing machine - they can be the very devil!!!)  Because of my upbringing I have trouble expressing (and indentifying anger) and it results in all sorts of physical problems for me - knotted muscles, sick stomach, migraines - that sort of thing!  My father had a TERRIBLE temper  explosions followed by weeks of cold icy silence and I can remember when I was about six deciding I didn't want to hurt people with my temper like he did.  Trouble was I've spent all these years not realising that sometimes I had to, calmly ,express righteous indignation if someonew pushed me around.  I'm working on it in therapy right now.  Keep on sewing!!!!

I lash out when angered. Usually it is my interpretation of someone who has done the wrong thing to me or my property. I get into fights and arguments all the time, and although I may be right about the circumstance I cannot control the way I react. The toll is really taken out on me because I have a reputation of being a "head case" and short fused.

Then I internalyze everything and beat myself up for days and cannot turn it off. Doc says its my chemistry makeup and I need to stop and think before I react.

Being in control is a biggie for me. No control, and I am over the edge.

A bonus of all my illnesses.

what a great topic, thanks to all who've shared.
when i was in my teen years, i had smacked a few people  who've angered me, or whov'e hurt me in a big way.
in my highschool years i got into fights, including throwing a book at the teacher in class.  
"God" i'm greatful those years are behind me, i've calmed down in a lot of ways.
if i see a person hurting another person, i get involved so easily in putting that person in his/her place.  i do lash out with my mouth, and reacting too d*** fast, that i sometimes regrett it, and i feel bad.
today, i too remove myself from the situation, just to calm my nerves, try to talk it over with another person, before reacting.  
my father was a very abusive angry man, and when he got older, he calmed down a whole lot.
when i was younger, my mom and me were the angriest two people on this planet, and with my dad it was the same, but as i grew older, it just feels like all the anger has lifted.  where now i'm full of compassion for them, even though my dad passed away.
the bottom line is, that i do distance myself from the situation, while my nerves are boiling, until i feel calm, and than go back.
cat, it's interesting you mentioned about your son wanting to control your emotions.  my 21 year old daughter, was very much like this growing up.  she'd be upset if i smiled and she wasn't in a good mood, she'd be angry if i'm making a joke and she's not into it, or if i'd be singing and laughing, she'd just take it so hard internally, because she doesn't want to hear or see.  
and when she's in a mood to be happy and silly, we've all gotta be just like her.
rachel

Hi all, I like your sharing and dialogues about how you control your anger. Somewhere between the time I added the thread and now a lot of the info was deleted. I am in the process of re-entering the data. Please be patient.
Sheepwoman