I'm getting so tired and sick of the stress and the worry, my son has been coming in from school screaming for the past 4 weeks, something has upset him at school but we cant figure out what, it could be a slightest change to his routine one day that he's scared of happening again. His bus escort looks at us as if were badly treating him cos he waits until he's home before he screams (comfort zone). He screams for hours and nothing we say can calm him, the house is getting trashed, he pulled the TV out of the unit and broke the casing and he goes for his little sister when he's like that, he drags her across the floor by her hair

I have also heard from my solicitor (when i was in labour with my daughter the consultant chose to wait hours before giving me a section knowing my daughter was in distress, she died inside of me, luckily they were able to resussitate her but she had a very stormy neonatal period and had to have 2 bowel op's and has neurological probs). The hospital has admitted liability and i got a letter of apology, but the consultant responsable is now working in another hospital
My solictor has said the likely payout my daughter will get is 10 - 15 thousand pounds i'm so angry, what that consultant put her through just cos she didnt want to open another theatre and thats all my baby's suffering is worth.
It goes in trust for when she's 18 but by the time she's 18 i dont think it will buy her much, i was so hoping for her to have a nice little amount for if she wanted a car or wanted to put a deposit down on a house or pay uni fee's etc.
But apparently life is cheap

Sorry for ranting, just needed to get that of my chest


Torchwood

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with the trauma of both your children needing extra help. Change is very disruptive to children with special needs. This evidently has happened with your son. If screaming is his only release, then you will not know what is truly bothering him. Has he ever calmed enough to be able to talk to you?

I agree that the settlement for your daughter is too small. How can anyone put a price for what is done to our children? No doubt that she may have problems all her life from her traumatic birth.

How are you managing to cope with your childrens' problems? Are you seeing a professional for your own mental health?
Sheepwoman

Dear Torchwood,

I'm so sorry that you're feeling so strained by all that is going on. Anyone who was in your shoes would feel that way too.

About your son - maybe this is obvious, but for the sake of the whole family I think you'll need to bring in a professional doctor of some sort to intervene - to see what is happening and to help you figure out how to help it all. I'm so sorry for your pain. I hope you can get someone in to help very soon. It is best for everyone to seek help.

Be well and stay as strong as you can.
-Chitty

Thanks Sheepwoman & Chittychatty,
Unfortunately my son cant talk (severe autism) he attends a special school but they dont seem to take on board when i tell them about my son's meltdowns, i know it's school thats the problem cos he can say a few words and he says "bye bye school" and "have to go son" ( that's what i say to him) it makes me feel awful cos i cant figure out whats happened at school to upset him, i keep phoning the teacher but all i get is he's been fine and nothing has happened
I got in touch with psychologists last time this happened, we were with the team for 2 year and had no suggestions on how to help him, they were asking questions about how i felt most of the time and not trying to help my son - in fact one of them said " H was playing with his sister" i told him H does not interact with other children - he will play along side them but not with them - this from a so - called professional.

Because H has autism and they say thats genetic we cant get a payout for my daughter for her neurological problems, even though she was starved of oxygen she see's a speech therapist twice a year and is still waiting for an assesment, she's been on the list for 18mnths, the services are sooooooo crap here.

As for my mental health, i see the GP only, i was once referred to a psychiatric nurse for councelling but when i went in and sat down she said " how do you want me to help you" I thought well this isnt going to work - i mean she's supposed to be the expert
Now were just waiting for my daughters assessment so then we can see a child and family mental health team - i dont know how theyr going to help tho when it's his school thats the problem, unfortunately it's the only school siutable for him in the area aswell Unless i win the Lotto

I've had people telling me to put my son in a residential school or care I said no way - he's my son idiots.


Torchwood

Well gee, it sounds like they gave you all the idiots didn't they? Hmmm. You know what I'm thinking though? The squeakiest wheel gets the grease ... and I think you're going to have to be as squeaky as you can possibly be within the system over there and keep making a major fuss until they finally put someone in front of you who has a clue. I know it can't be any fun for you to have to keep trying. I know that has to suck eggs. I'm sorry about that. But when things are drastic, it calls for drastic measures --- annoy the poo out of them at the docs or service places until they do something that is beneficial.

How about thinking way outside of the box? I mean - for instance, how about doing something really off the wall like calling or dropping in at the school you feel you can't afford without winning the lottery - get in touch with someone there with a heart and say how badly you want your son to have a fighting chance .. and that they are his chance. Mother's who make a fuss are often taken more seriously than the ones who are "nice".

Letters can be powerful too. How about writing to someone high up in some big foundation for autism in your country? I mean - hit 'em with information and tell them you want answers on how to find help that is real. Why not?

I know you're tired. I know you have enough on your plate. None of these are easy or sure answers. But you have nothing to lose by trying. I know you're a good mom because of the way you talk about your kids. Don't give up.

*hugs*

Thanks chittychatty, I will try, unfortunately i have been to the other school and spoke to the headteacher there and told her all of my sons problems and the hell he's going through at his present school, she told me i could try to get the Local Education authority to fund his placement, but she didnt hold out much hope cos his present school is deemed adequit by the LEA and theyve never had them fund a child from within their area, they all come from out of the area cos this school is very expensive 30 thousand pound a year minimum

I will try the Autistic society, they might come up with something.

I get the feeling his school doesnt take me seriously cos they know about my depression, i dont know how they know i think social worker must have told them


Torchwood

Torchwood,

Wow. I am so sorry to hear all you are going thru!! Life can be so difficult sometimes!!!! Take it one day at a time and just do your best. Take care of you too!!! I hope you have some supportive family or friends to stand by you!! This is a good place for you to vent and I hope things go better for you soon. Good Luck!! Gentle Sun

Thanks Gentle sun, unfortunately i dont have any outside support at all, my mam used to help me alot but my dads ill so now i dont have anyone, cos of my depression i cant leave the house by myself so hubby's been off work - must be about 8 months now, he supposed to be going back next week so i've asked my brother if he'll come over everyday to take my daughter to nursery and i'll pay him, whether it works out or not i dont know cos it's not the same as having someone your comfortable with helping you out and supporting you.

I also have really bad insomnia - not getting to sleep til 5am and wake at 7am so i cant get through the day with out a nap, GP told me before to stop napping to see if that helped get to sleep earlier but it didnt - i just ended up like a zombie and snapping at everyone til bedtime then i was wide awake

Torchwood

((((((((((((((Torchwood)))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. What medications are you taking for yourself? It seems like you are putting all your energy into your kids b/c you are such a good mom that you've forgotten about you. Even though it sounds like your gp is incompetant... maybe ask again for them to work with you on meds?

I also agree with chittychatty I would make a huge huge fuss to his present school, the school you want him to go to, (even if you think they don't take you seriously now when you show up every day for 6 months they'll take you seriously), the docs, and especially the hospital. Your daughters medical and therapy needs should be covered by them. Maybe try to find a lawyer that works pro bono or write to local papers and newstations about how the hospital is handling their poor judgement. But I know you are doing everything you can. I'm sorry I'm giving advice that you have already tried. It just makes me so mad for you that people are so cold and irresponsible.

I wish there was more I could do for you than lend a shoulder to lean on. Keep doing what you know is right and it will get better.

Hi Addybaby,
I'm on Dosulepin now, Gp just upped it to 75mg but i'm still not sleeping even tho theyr supposed to have a drowsy effect I've tried Melatonin along side my med, that didnt work either Maybe i should try the cheaper - old faithful remedy - a pint of Lager

Thanks all - it really means alot to me knowing i have friends here who care

Torchwood

It's sounds very overwhelming on your side of the pond! I'm wondering if you have ever attended the school where your son goes to see what's happening /not happening. Then you could discuss just what you see with the teachers. Just because we're depressed doesn't mean we are incapable! It sounds like these people are prejudging you. I really want you to see if you can get in touch with an Autism support group, too. Maybe they will have some suggestions about how to deal with your son, but I'd be more interested in your getting some support! From what I understand about Autism, your son lives in his own world and and sounds like he's really trying to tell something about what he dislikes, there. Who knows? If he's taking it our on your daughter, that's an intolerable situation and maybe he needs medicated so he doesn't act out. I don't know. I'm sure this keeps your depression reinforced.

I know it's easy to pick up a drink when things seem to have no answer, but this isn't going to help anything. It only makes you more depressed as alcohol is an antidepressant and I hope you find some other way to reduce the anxiety and tension that you surely must feel. I know I'd be upset with the school, too, but why not go look at what's going on in person so you can actually see if it's something in the environment or something he's dealing with, internally?

Jackie

Hi Jackie,
I have watched him at school, i phone them every week asking if anything different has happened that could have upset him, i just happened to ring again yesterday cos when my son came in crying he mentioned Grasscutter, so i asked his teacher if they had, had the grasscutters in the school grounds and she said they had on tuesday, i dont think that is the sole cause of his crying but it wont have helped any.
He doesnt show if anythings upset him at school, he waits until he gets home so thats a problem identifying what has upset him.
All the teachers say he's been fine ay school but he comes in screaming, it could be little things like a toy isnt where it should be or it's broke, someone has opened a window that isnt usually open, a new child has started, one of the teachers is off sick, a picture that is usually on the wall has been took down or a new one put up etc. Autism is soooooo complicated and he cant tell me whats bothering him.

BTW, Dont worry I wouldnt drink alcohol, if i did i'm afraid i wouldnt stop.

Torchwood