Is your OCD a closely guarded secret, or is it common knowledge? Do you keep it within the family, or do your friends know too? How do you decide whether or not to tell some one?

It's been a long time since I've posted here and I'd like to get to know you guys again. I've chosen this question because I have some good news to share, so I'll start...

I'm a university student and I've just turned 21. This is my fourth year and I'm writing a dissertation to complete my BA(Hons). This involves working closely with a supervising professor. Deciding whether or not to tell my professor has been a real mission.

OCD and depression have had a negative impact on so much of my work. I've skipped exams because the venues and crowds triggered panic attacks. I've missed the majority of my deadlines and often failed to hand anything in at all. Most of my marks are polarised at aces or fails, there's not much in between.

For years, I wanted to keep my OCD a secret. I was so ashamed that I couldn't just get over it. I knew that it significantly interfered with my work, but I didn't want any differential treatment, or worse, pity. I figured that my professors didn't need to know. Informing them could only result in awkward questions and a change for the worse in how they saw me.

I realised that this year, it was almost inevitable that my professor would notice, or at least suspect something at some point. I decided to tell him. In our first meeting, I gave him a short statement written by my psychiatrist. We had a brief, harmless discussion about it. He was very understanding and it hasn't made things awkward at all. It's a tremendous relief and it's reassuring that someone I respect knows about my OCD and doesn't think that I'm completely depraved.

My flatmates know, but I couldn't conceal my OCD from them and had little choice but to explain my behaviour. It was weird at first, but it's no longer a big deal. The fact that they know about it and accept it makes me feel at home (even if they don't quite get it).

I've also told my parents. Sadly, they've been the least helpful, although I know that at least one of them means well.

I've experienced one negative reaction that (along with other factors) ended a friendship. That was a bit of a shame, but by the end of it, the guy was such a jerk that I barely felt the loss. Overall I've been really lucky.

This post has been edited by Rabbit: Mar 26 2007, 10:06 AM

I'm glad that your professor was so understanding! :) I think you did the right thing to speak to him about it, and I'm glad the reaction was positive.

I've told my parents about my OCD, but they each responded with things like, "Well, everyone is OCD to a degree. I haven't noticed anything particularly worse about you." I do realize that a good amount of people do have certain compulsive behaviors and routines, but I tried to make them understand that that wasn't necessarily OCD, and I believed I had something much worse, like the actual disorder. I told them about my obsessive thought patterns and all my different compulsive habits I could not stop myself from doing, but they still didn't really see it as a problem and they still don't to this day. In fact, I've never even been officially diagnosed with OCD, but I've done a lot of research, to the point where I am sure without a doubt that I do have it. It has taken my parents such a long time to realize that I actually do have mental ilnesses such as OCD and major anxiety issues. AT LAST, I was able to convince them to let me see someone a couple weeks ago, and I am now waiting to hear back from my doctor so we can get me started on therapy sessions and eventually medications. I hope those things will help me tone down my compulsions.

I've also told some other people online about my OCD, and they were very understanding about it.

Thanks for responding Feline, it's great to hear that you're going to get the help that you're after. Please let us know how it goes.

I think our psychological battles are worse because we tend to think that no one around us should know: when in fact it's often that people do know, but they accept it as part of our personalities. My phobia is well hidden although Mum will refer to it occasionally. Hubby knows but we dont' discuss it, only in coded language ;-).

My OCD has worsened over the years: or maybe I've simply become more aware of my foibles. Habits do worsen when I'm stressed or in a hurry. I also don't learn from mistakes and tend to run along the furrow in the same old way!

OCD, depression and anxiety states are all different but can become entangled. My phobia made me depressed but the medics told me I was depressed first GRRR! As with autistic spectrum disorder, many people have traits of OCD; unless it interferes badly with your day-to-day living, accept that lots of people have battles and some will notice yours. It is up to you who you tell ........... I only open up if I find someone who is recently bereaved, suffering depression, breast disease ........ things I've been through and survived! I've never felt an intense need to tell .........

Right. I have had OCD and anxiety problems for many years now, and they've really began to seriously manifest themselves in a very negative way in the past four years or so. My OCD and anxiety are very tightly entwined, and both feed on each other to grow stronger. I have physical OCD habits... for instance, even when I was young, I started having the urge where if I touched something with one hand and felt its texture, I felt I absolutely had to do the same with the other hand... if I turned my head one way, I should turn it the other way also... stuff like that. But as time went on more problems evolved, especially my "word check" problem, which is VERY distracting. I'll be reading a book and when I flip a page, suddenly I think of a sentence on the previous page and get a ridiculous question in my mind about it, such as did it say "He bit into the apple" or "He bit into the JUICY apple?" And I can't go on reading until I go back and check. This happens all the time when I'm reading, and it's caused me to be a much slower reader than I used to be, ironically. It also happens frequently on the internet, and I find myself having to hit the "back" button all the time just to check out something tiny on the page I was just on. But as annoying as these compulsions are, I can live with them, and if they never go away I'll still be okay. I just would rather not have them, as they sometimes get in the way of me enjoying things and cause me to waste a lot of time.

What really gets to me is my anxiety problem, which is very obsessive and could be considered ruminating, so I feel that it's tied in very closely with my OCD habits....

Ah, and tomorrow marks the deadline by which the psychiatrist was supposed to call my family back to set up appointments for me, and still no word. :( But I hope they will be calling soon and didn't forget or lose my papers or something...

For me the anxiety was the hardest thing to treat because the feelings controlled me: fight or flight kicked in, I fled ..... left full supermarket trolleys if there was a queue at the check-out; left theatre seats if I got too hot/cold/felt queasy ....... a beta-blocka helps enormously and I add rescue remedy when I need it.

Relaxation therapy helped. Depression is helped by ADs, brisk walking, hobbies, sleeping and reading. OCD happens when I'm stressed, it's more a recent thing in my life. I've always checked doors and windows when leavning the house but chasing the hairs on my chin is more recent ;-) LOL! Also whne I get a new hobby I flog it to death! We searched for a motor-home for 3 years, I was on the internet or at the dealerships often: same with the chickens I want, I'm searching, searching ........ to the point that nothing else gets done!

What's the worst thing that can happen to you?

That's interesting Lizzy. I came to a point where I couldn't go it alone anymore and I had to tell others. After that, the better I became, the more people I wanted to tell. Go figure.

Your post left me thinking and I came to a rather quirky conclusion. Living with OCD is a constant struggle. I think that anyone who manages to lead a 'normal' life, or any life at all with this disorder really deserves a medal. More often than not, I find myself telling people because I want to share my good news - some small victory, or progress that I've made. It feels really good to have a friend to celebrate with.

I very seldom mention my OCD when it's getting the better of me. It's pointless trying to explain it to anyone who hasn't experienced it first hand. Talking to my (close) friends about it when I'm doing well allows me to share in some small way. It also helps them to make sense of my actions. If they didn't know, I'd feel as though they were missing out on a very important part of my life.

Most of my family and friends know of my OCD and it doesn't bother me really. In fact my husband and I make jokes about my quirkiness when it comes to my OCD and I make jokes about it too it helps it really does. I don't care who knows anymore. And laughing about it sometimes really helps.

Hi Lost,

It's great that you can laugh about your OCD with others. There are times when I can do the same and I agree that it really helps. In many ways, I'm more comfortable joking about my OCD than I am talking about it in earnest. Only a few select family members and friends get the serious side, most friends just get the jokes.

Thanks for posting

I totally agree most people get the joking side of me when it comes to my OCD and only a select few get the more in depth serious side of my OCD.

My close friends and family know... Friends were more understanding about it than family I feel....My sister has been fantastic about it, I talk to her if I really get stuck, my parents are not great about all this but I think they are more lost on how they can help because I dont trust them enough to tell them most things.

Christmas day I was sitting next to my brother on the floor of my sisters room (sitting in there was a bit panic no no already, luckily we had new carpets just put in so I could sit in the one spot my mind seemed to pick out was the most cleaniest) but my brother said that he felt a bit sick. I froze completely and quickly walked out hte room sitting on my bed trying to calm my breathing down. After a while of sitting there I went to my parents room and told them matt wasnt feeling great, seeing if there was another reason than a bug. Thankgod for my mum telling me that it was probably because he ate a whole chocolate orange in one night! I went downstairs to see my brother and was relieved to see he was eating, i mentioned could it be the chocolate orange and he agreed. I sighed in relief and walking out the door I said "couldnt you of said that beforehand! You just gave me a panic attack!" He just looked at me weirdly, apologised and said I really need to get help....

Thats one of the many occasions Ive had with my family since they have known.

My friends dont really see it, we had a dvd evening thing and unfortunaley I spent most of the time having to do my odd jobs around hte house and cleaning my hands so I think they knew what was going on because they didnt question it. At school they see me using alcohol soap stuff and going into the bathroom, using gloves to pick stuff up etc but never mention anything about it. I make jokes about it when Im uncomfortable or want to talk about it, usually its me cracking the jokes instead of friends, I assume because they are scared I wont find it funny. Im a bit weird like that.

Im not sure Im pleased I told people or not yet...still deciding.

I remember this stage after telling the first few friends. They didn't know what to make of it and I was unsure of how they'd deal with the information in the long term. However, most of them realised that I was still the same person that I'd always been and things fell back into place. Some of them took longer than others, asking various questions and being quite unsure of how to act around me.

At first, my flatmates seemed to pay more attention to my compulsive behaviour, but didn't do anything about it. It was as though they were still trying to figure out what on earth I meant and what this OCD thing was. Honestly, I think they were nervous about interfering in case they upset me. These days, it's no big deal and they can even tell me when I'm being irrational. Sometimes all I need is the reminder and I'm able to stop myself (not always).

One friend has picked up some of my compulsions because she knows that I'll be less anxious if she does things in a particular manner. This isn't actually helpful for OCD because it just reinforces the idea that I need to fulfill compulsions in order to alleviate the obsessions. However I must admit that I really like it when she does such things. It shows that she cares and knows about what's going on.

Another friend deliberately does things in ways that aggravate my anxiety. This sounds awful, but it's actually really helpful. He won't take it far enough to upset me, only far enough for me to find it distracting/annoying. After a while, my anxiety naturally dissipates and in this way, he's helping me to overcome my OCD.

Funnily enough, the two friends I just described with their opposite reactions are twins. I live with both of them and I'm so thankful that I do.

It can be strange at first when friends learn about your OCD, but things will settle back into a new kind of normal. Honestly, it's also in part that the novelty will wear off. Some friends who aren't as close may even forget that you ever told them. It sounds as though things are going okay so far. I hope that your friends can be supportive in future.

Just my wife, but it's not like she didn't know by the time I told her. She doesn't know how bad it is though.

As far as my parents go, I couldn't hide it when it first really manifested itself even if I had wanted to. It was pretty obvious. And being as I was 12, I didn't have much of a choice in letting them know either. I needed help and even if I had been able to hide it, I wouldn't have wanted to.
They understand for the most part. At the beginning my dad really didn't, at all. And my mom and I have had our issues, but overall, they've been really great about it.

My sisters haven't really been able to grasp it until recently.

My boyfriend is wonderful! He's the most understanding person in my life. I didn't have to exactly share it with him...he kinda knew without me telling him. We were both on medications and having issue with depression, so we could relate to eachothe when we met.


Other than that, I don't make it a point of telling people. If they find out, it's not the end of the world. If it bothers them, they weren't real friends anyway. I'm pretty open about it all online, but in real life, I tend to be more reserved in what I tell people.

There are aspects of my disorder that I haven't told anyone. Not even my boyfriend (although I've shared more with him than anyone else)
Not even my psychologists or other doctors know the extent of some of it.

So, I guess others knowing that I have disorder itself doesn't bug me, but the details are definitely something I tell about with quite a bit of discretion (If I tell about them at all)
There have been a few incidents that really made me think twice about who I talk to about it.

I did try to reach out but not anymore. No one would understand. I could not find the right words to describe the amount of suffering and mental torture that I've experienced. They act like they listen and care but then when you turn your back they would murmur "crazy girl." It is heartbreaking. I could never trust anyone again. They made me believe I was hearing voices 24 x 7. My neighbors played along with the game by not telling me the truth. They followed me everywhere I go like the mall, grocery, park, Singapore... They made fun of me. They even want me to leave my husband. They made me look stupid and I could not think straight. I had anxiety and paranoia on top of my depression. I would never know the real truth behind this and I might sound crazy or delusional again but I know what they did to me. I would not relate the details of everything that happened because it is useless. Just look at me and what I've become. I tried to laugh along with them or be funny so I can deal with the stress but they never stopped playing. I tried to bargain but they would not listen. I am bound to live a life like this unless they would stop. Most of the people around me are too controlling and they think it would be funny to mess around with the mind of a depressed mom. I got two very young sons that needed a mom.