Hi all. I'm Trio and I'm 22.

I have had episodic depression for a number of years, but have had ineffective treatment, and no diagnosis as such until recently when I went to a medical doctor and not just a counseller. My bf told my mother and she was really good about it, quite understanding and I felt supported by her.

So my bf told my dad too and he was concerned, but really thought it was an issue of character, telling me I shouldn't take medication (I'm on 100mg of zoloft, and it is the only thing that means I can actually get out of bed) and that by next week I'll be right. I feel really upset by this. He also said that I would be fine (ie by next week) because I'm 'clever'. I snapped and said that had nothing to do with it, but he was quite insistent that it did. As a bit of a perfectionist, I felt that I had failed, esp. because I feel like now my dad doesn't think I'm clever anymore. I've always been sort of successful to him (my bro dropped out of uni and works at Mc Donalds, which irritates my dad to no end) and now I feel I am not.

It was also explained to him that depression takes time to recover from -- my doc said it would likely be 6-12 months. He just didn't believe this. I also feel upset that once I confided in him, (a few years ago) and he blew it off as me being 'upset'. Basically, he doesn't view depression as a real illness, and thinks I just have to change my behaviors. He is coming over today... not exactly sure why. He says is there anything he can do to help, but what I really want is for him to understand and give me time.

I'd be interested in hearing about other people's parents reactions. sorry if this sort of post has been put up before, but I suspect there are many new people going through similar things. thanks for listening xx trio

Hi, Trio. Lots of people here have experienced what you're going through with your father, and I'm so sorry he has that attitude. You might check out the Psych 101 area of the forums--there's some good info there about depression and you might find something that you could print out for your dad. Sending you good thoughts and well wishes, and hoping your dad will come around to being supportive of you in your recovery.

NO, my parents are not understanding and not supportive.

(((Trio))),

Sorry to hear this. I guess someone who has never experienced depression finds it hard to understand. Parents have many feelings about mental illness, they are often in denial and blame themselves...although they dont show this.

Neither of my parents we're supportive and neither of them are in my life anymore. At the end of the day you can only explain so much, and its great you want them to understand. Kstours had a good idea about printing off some info.

At the end of the day do whats right for you...this is your life and you need to take steps which are going to benefit you.

Take care,
SO6

I think sometimes people think that depression is when you feel a bit down once in awhile, which most people experience from time to time but this type of depression usually only lasts a few days. Then there is the depression "illness" which you and I suffer from which just doesn't go away after a few days... it's a different kind of depression and that's why we need medication, therapy etc etc. Do you think your father is getting the two mixed up... I think this is a common misconception.

No, they are not, because Ive not told them, but, thats not the only reason why they arent, its because they dont understand.
My parents think "its just you taking everything too seriously" or "thats nothing to get upset about" and so on.
Ive just never told them and I dont think I ever will.

Issue of character... that's IT exactly! My brother did tell them when he was on meds and they basically shamed him into quitting because it was weak. I haven't told them, much as I haven't told them about other key issues in my life, because I know they won't understand. My brother didn't have any problems, why did he need drugs. I don't have anything going on in my life that's all that bad, so I'm a weak person for giving up and getting some help. I don't believe that, this is the best (and probably the ONLY) thing I've done for myself in my life that's been a good thing. I'm 38. I think it's sad it took this long.

They cause half of my depression, what help are you talking about?

No, mine also don't understand. I haven't told my dad at all b/c I know for certain he would think it was something I could get over in a day or two, or he would ignore it and pretend it didn't exist. I haven't really told my mom either, only very tiny bits and pieces, here and there, and she has a tendency to blame herself and feel guilty. I wish I could talk to my mom tho.

Hope your visit today with your dad went ok, take care, belle xx

Not at all really to be honest. My mum does try to help in her own special way but its really more my fault that she's not helping than hers. I just can't bring myself to open up to her. She's going through her own hell at the moment and i don't want to add to it. Whats more i've overheard her talking about me and she blames herself for the way i am. Kind of a no-brainer then that i don't want to walk up to her and pour out all of my insecurities, thoughts, ideas, nightmares and faults as she'd blame herself for "poor parenting" which couldnt be furthest from the truth!

As for my dad, well it seems like you and i have the same dad, albeit mine seems be a angrier version of yours, he just bawls and screams and shouts rather than make those troublesome sentences. According to him depression doesn't exist and councillors are a waste of space.....

Anyways i'm sorry to hear that your dad isnt more understanding, i hope in time he will come to realise the truth of the matter, especially seeing as the rest of your loved ones are so understanding. You seem to have dealt with it very well though, kudos. Whats most important is that you don't let his way of thinking snake its way into your head, i wish you all the best on the road to recovery.

*offers a free hug card (limited edition)*

Hi Trio,

We just discussed this very thing in threapy about my family and understanding my depression to be honest they seriously don't understand and in fact pretend like it doesn't exist.

I tried the other night to talk to my sister about it and she just basically blew it over saying that I need to learn to live in the here and now and not in the past, in a way she is correct but the way she blew off what I was saying did bother yet not surprise me in the least.

My family has never understood to be honest they just felt I was too sensitive, looking for an excuse, etc. I am very grateful for my husband he is there for me during the bad times as is my best friend. I am sorry that happened with your Dad perhaps in time you may learn to talk to him again about it or you might as I am learning to simply accept my family for who they are as they aren't going to change.

Hope this helped.

My parents nominally believe in depression, and claim that they don't view it with a stigma. But they always used counseling as a threat of punishment for my younger brother, and only had him go when as a drunk sixteen year old, they could no longer control his behavior. I'm shocked in retrospect that they never sent me to a counsellor or doctor when as a young adolescent I was obviously troubled, with no friends, not doing homework, and at one point expressed the desire to kill myself to my mother at age thirteen. Life got better for a while after that, when I was fourteen through about age eighteen, so I guess she holds that up as having done the right thing.

Now, I'm 21, my life has fallen apart, and they are agreeing to pay for counseling, but are also upset with me that I am not fully functional. They want me to come home (I live too far away to visit easily) but the thought just fills me with dread. They lecture and bully me in the name of love, and I just can't stand it anymore. I took it for eighteen years. Yet at the same time, I can never tell them this. Because while their words often sting, they have tried to provide me with every extracurricular I ever expressed an interest in, took me visiting colleges, tried to help me succeed in life. Now they're angry that I've failed, they feel like I've tricked them some how. My mother wants to know what she did wrong that all her children seem determined to drop out of the middle class. Every time she talks to me on the phone, her voice sounds eternally sad that now I'll never be a doctor or lawyer like she dreamed.

Over Christmas, I had a long, sobbing conversation with my parents where I confessed that I thought they'd never think I was good enough. They blew this off and said they only wanted me to be happy and successful. My mother claimed she had hopes for me in the past, since no teacher of mine ever told her not to, never claimed I was ordinary, but now she was done with me, setting me free to live my own life.

Except I feel incapable of supporting myself, and now feel I can't ask the parents for help, as they will refuse it and insist I come home. I can't pay next month's rent, I am going to have to ask them. It is going to suck.

My mom doesn't understand depression at all, and every time I talk to her, we get into an argument and one of us often ends up crying. It's extremely aggravating, and I hate talking to her now. Whenever she calls, I find some way to avoid her.

This post has been edited by acdc111999: Feb 12 2007, 01:57 AM

I have a difficult time talking to my family, and I also have problems with alcohol, so sometimes I get drunk and just fly off the handle. It feels like the only time I can express myself is when I'm completly drunk, which can end in a lot of tears and shouting. My grandparents have even gone as far as to tell me there is no one to blame for my problems except myself. That wasn't really necessary or constructive. People aren't always going to give you exactly what you need. It's really hard, but to expect that will probably leave you hurt and frustrated. Just as you need time to heal, they need time to come to grips with the fact that someone they love is hurting.

My step-mum is really understanding because she has had depression herself.
I wouldn't know what my dad thinks, as I haven't seen him for 22 years.

I've talked about my mental health with my dad a few times...it usually results in hearing about all the stuff he went through. And granted he went through a lot. He has Schizophernia (in remission)...he had a huge battle in his 20s or 30s where he was in the hospital for 4yrs. You would think he would understand.

He basically tells me that everyone suffers from depression...and therefore I feel even more minimized in how I feel. It's basically everyone else deals with it...you should too. I don't think he understands depression at all. I tried to explain it to him and it seems like he has had "blue" periods...but never depression. He thinks depression = the blues.

On the other hand...He worries a lot...and says he see's things in me that remind him of himself...and not the good things.

This post has been edited by TwilightZephyr: Feb 12 2007, 06:51 AM