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View From The Other Side Of Depression

Looking back now I'm almost completely well

Hi All

It's been a while since I last posted.
I was very depressed, suicidal & not responding to meds for almost 2 years.
With the love of my family and wonderful support from the mental health professionals who saved my life, I am now almost completely well.
This doesn't mean I don't have bad days, but the danger of me doing something disastrous has passed foe a while now.

Why am I posting this?
Just to say I realise now one thing I did not appreciate, I was unwell. Depression is an illness and not a fault.
I cannot even begin to understand how bad I was now, how hopeless it was. How endless.
But, there is an end to depression, it will lift. You will become well and whole again. I'm living proof.
I have been working again and have even passed some long-standing exams. If you said that to me 6 months ago, I would not have believed it.
The only good thing, to come out is that I had to change my perceptions & reactions to my world. This is still a learning process. I appreciate my life and my world in a new way now.
Take care and thank you to everyone who supported me in these forums.

J.J. -- a wanderer who is:
Down But Not Out.
Let me share something else. Since I last posted, I have had a family illness and now may lose my job. This should have been enough to send me back into the dark room that I inhabited.
But it has not. I'm amazed at how I am coping, by not denying the issues or that they are painful enough for a well person, let alone a recovering depressed person, but understanding that there are things I can control, things I cannot. Those I cannot must be left to play out, with my input, i.e. caring for the ill member of my family, providing love. Also starting to look around for other jobs, whilst accepting that this one will most likely end.
I've stopped fighting life and am starting to go with the flow a little, life is good as a passenger as you can see the scenery better.
It isn't easy and it isn't quick, so please understand this happened slowly and is still a learning process.

With love from my family
With support from the health professionals.
With time.
With acceptance that Depression was my own minds way of telling me I needed to change, that it was fed up with the existing ways I approached life's problems.

I learned to listen to my emotions more, understand the rational logical and emotional person I am.
I went to group therapy, which was the turnaround for me.
I took various meds and listened to my mind's reactions to each, settling upon a good combination.

All of the above. Sounds impossible??? Even when I read it back myself, it looks impossible, but it's achievable step by step.

I still feel it will take me a long time to become 100% again, if ever. I used to be ashamed of my illness, but now I realise it was nobody's fault. My mind was telling me I needed to cope differently, react differently and actually enjoy life, which is a pretty amazing thing.
It may seem fake at first, but in fact, it's the most real thing you can do, to accept that this life is a once in a lifetime event, so enjoy the ride.

Are you being kind and fair to yourself by ensuring that you are getting the help you need? Give yourself some time and a break, don't be so harsh on yourself.
Take care -jj aka DownButNotOut
Member of Depression Forums

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