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Physical pain of depression

Do you have physical pain from your depression?

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Depression & Mental Health FAQs
US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimated 40 million
Americans living today will suffer from major depressive illness during their lives.

Seasonal affective disorder is major depression that appears in the fall or winter and goes away in spring, thought to be caused by lack of sunlight.



Postpartum depression occurs within four weeks of a women giving childbirth. Most new mothers suffer from some form of the �baby blues.� Postpartum depression, by contrast, is major depression, thought to be triggered by changes in hormonal flows associated with childbirth.

Catatonic depression is a rare form of major depression characterized by (at least two): Stupor, excessive motor activity, extreme negativism, peculiarities in voluntary movement, and repetition of other people's words or actions. - mcmanweb.com



Psychotic depression is a rare form of depression characterized by delusions or hallucinations, such as believing you are someone you are not and hearing voices.


According to the National Institute of Mental Health, approximately 18.8 million American adults, or about 9.5 percent of the US population age 18 and older in a given year, have a depressive disorder.
Depression is a chronic illness that exacts a significant toll on America's health and productivity.  It affects more than 21 million American children and adults annually and is the leading cause of disability in the United States for individuals ages 15 to 44.


Lost productive time among U.S. workers due to depression is estimated to be in excess of $31 billion per year.  Depression frequently co-occurs with a variety of medical illnesses such as heart disease, cancer, and chronic pain and is associated with poorer health status and prognosis.  It is also the principal cause of the 30,000 suicides in the U.S. each year.  In 2004, suicide was the 11th leading cause of death in the United States, third among individuals 15-24.


According to the World Health Organization, depression is presently on track to becoming the world's second-most disabling disease (after heart disease) by the year 2020.

Depression is responsible for some $87 billion a year in lost productivity in the US (a conservative estimate), and according to Bank One, is responsible for most lost work days in its employees after pregnancy and childbirth.

Additionally, one million people worldwide die by their own hand, most as a result of a mood disorder. Finally, the linkage between depression and a host of physical illnesses makes it arguably the world's greatest killer.

Research presented at the 56th Annual Conference of the Canadian Psychiatric Association shows a marked link between bipolar disorder and migraines.

The odds of migraine in persons with bipolar disorder were 40% higher than the general population.

Data obtained from 36,984 people aged 15 and over, who screened positive for manic or depressive episodes with migraine, were compared against those who screened positive for mania but who didn�t suffer from migraines.

Amongst males, 14.9% of those with manic episodes were also diagnosed with migraines compared with 5.8% of the general population. Amongst females, 34.7% had both migraines and bipolar disorder compared with 14.7% who only had migraines.unquote.gif

While the research was skewed towards persons who were already diagnosed with bipolar disorders, what does it mean for people who suffer from migraines but who may have an undiagnosed bipolar disorder?



Migraines and headaches aren�t fully understood but the manifestations are very real and debilitating for their sufferers:

Throbbing pain
Nausea
Heightened sensitivity to light or sound
Seeing dots, wavy lines, flashing lights, or blind spots
Difficulty with speech, sensation, or movement

 


An estimated 2.1 million American adolescents have experienced major depression within the last year, according to a new comprehensive government study.  Researchers surveyed more than 67,000 young people ages 12 to 17 and found that one in 12 had suffered from serious depression in the previous year.Nearly 13 percent of girls had struggled with depression, compared to less than 5 percent of boys. Odds of depression increased with age -- just 4 percent of 12-year-olds experienced depression but that climbed to 11 percent for older teens.

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Learning to Live Again …

By Dragonfly_dreams

Learning to Live Again …


June1, 2009 - Although I am writing this piece with much fear and trepidation I do so with the hope that my experiences can help others lead a life where sunshine shines a little brighter and big black clouds are seen only in occasional showers instead of torrential downpours. Normally the people writing these so called "words of wisdom" are ones who have not actually dealt with the issue firsthand, rather those who have read about it in book, studied it at school and talked to others who experience the problem personally. Hopefully this will help others walking in the same shoes see that there is hope out there.




Four years ago I was diagnosed with depression. Denial quickly set in. That sort of thing didn't happen to me! I was a "man" - big, strong, tough and in control - and we don’t get depressed. Moody? Maybe. Depressed? Definitely not! Depression was, as far as I was concerned, a trendy catch phrase for weak people to hide behind or an excuse for those looking for an easy way out of a tough situation. I still believe that depression, along with stress, are often misdiagnosed and prescriptions handed out to people far too easily but in these ever changing times I also know that depression is one of the fastest growing issues facing adults. I was lucky – I had a year from hell and came through the other side stronger – but others are nor so lucky

Depression is still a word that carries a lot of stigma: those with depression are made fun of, sniggered at and generally labelled weak by most. It's because of this stigma that depression gets swept under the rug by sufferers - particularly males - who are loath to speak about its impact on them. Because of people’s unwillingness to discuss a “mental illness” it is generally misunderstood and rarely gets the public forum it so richly deserves. I still have only ever told two people that I suffer from depression and one of those was only very recently. But actually telling that person I suffer from depression was such a massive thing for me to admit that I had no choice but to actually put these thoughts down on paper.

Depression doesn’t discriminate - I have an extremely high IQ (the tests were done whilst serving in the military), I am fit, masculine, self employed and confident (and I'd be happy to step into a boxing ring with any man who thinks that only "weak" people have depression) yet I have felt the disease's wrath throughout my life. I also get bored easily, I think too much and I care too much about the people in my life at the expense of my own wellbeing but that's just me. I work in an industry that is the envy of many yet I often question my involvement and worthiness in spite of enjoying a good reputation within my chosen field. I am the one who takes care of people and situations. I manage things; things don’t manage me.

I now know enough to accept that I had been suffering since the age of 25 yet I managed to keep it hidden from the world... there were moments when alone when I would find myself in a strange space yet I'd go to the gym, hit a punching bag or go for a run and I'd manage to hide it from everybody. I used to think I was just moody (I am a Scorpio after all) but the signs were there. In my late twenties I spent much of my time coping with the demands of two businesses and an incompetent business partner whilst watching the last 10 years of hard work and solid financial security going down the drain ... my reaction was to use violence as an outlet. At the nightclub I operated I would hit people with pool cues, rip earrings out of their ears, throw them head first down three/four flights of (concrete) stairs and generally test myself against any troublemaker bigger and stronger than I was (and in a venue that looked like a scene from 'Once Were Warriors' that wasn't hard). I look back now and realise that this was what I did when I felt insecure and lost. Rather that look weak I’d try to show strength, or at least what I perceived as strength. I am by nature a gentle, sensitive man and I look back at many of these acts with much regret.

I have always felt that suicide is for cowards yet one day a little over four years ago I found myself sitting alone in the bathroom of my house contemplating suicide. I had felt the full brunt of six months of horrendous panic attacks that often lasted for five or six hours twice a day and couldn't fathom what I was going through … I really was a mess. I sat there for over two hours thinking of the various ways to stop the pain yet ensure that my loved ones wouldn't have to walk in on a horrific scene. The fear that my demise could send my kids to a similar place to where I was at that point in time terrified me. I have never felt as bad I did that day but I understand now how people **** themselves and don’t judge as quickly as I once did. To this day I feel sick when I think about it - how a man like me could dip to that level is something I will never fathom.

I had given no indication to anyone that was how I was feeling. People around me knew I had some "issues" of late (I had been very quiet and withdrawn but for a quiet spoken man that wasn’t too unusual) but I couldn’t and wouldn't let them know the extent to how low I had sunk and just how bad I was feeling ... I didn’t want to burden them with an issue that was 100% mine to deal with.

Yet, the hardest part of all was this trying to hide it from the world: outside I was my normal, affable, relaxed, in-control self but inside I was falling apart. Up until that point in time I really had not been a person who talked a lot and I definitely didn’t share my feelings. I kept them locked inside for fear they would be used against me.

It was at this point that I chose to seek treatment ... me coming to that conclusion was extremely hard and one that I wrestled with for weeks: How was I going to tell some stranger, someone who probably had never felt depression first hand, my most intimate fears. I couldn't even reveal these feelings to my wife and she was the one person I felt I could always talk to. I admit I cried like a baby the night before I took that step (I actually cancelled my first appointment) but getting it off my chest it helped strip away the pain. Talking about my problem was cleansing ... I had the year from hell but I've been good ever since although just as an addict is always an addict I know I will always suffer from depression even if its hidden deep inside.

I am a married to a good woman. She's beautiful, strong and a great mother to our children. I tried my best to keep my illness from her for a long time but it was only fair that I shared the truth; after all she was the one who had to worry when I was carted off in an ambulance 3 times in the space of a month. She's been there every step of the way although at times I didn't deserve her support. Even during “my year from hell” when I did my very best to push her and everyone else away she instinctively knew that as a friend she had to hold on to stop me drowning ... We've had some great time/s and on very rare occasions some trying ones but I've never regretted the time we have had together. My only regret is that too often she has had to be an audience for my pain and she deserves so much more than that ... I have no doubt the past few years have been tough on her. Unlike so many others who still look at the person they see in front of them as normal, she knew the boy before the man and has seen a change in me. I understand that part of her longs for the carefree spirit she met many years ago and although it’s still there I fear she no longer sees it. It's not that I've changed completely and have turned into a bad person who is hard to live with at all but she treats me different now. It’s as if she’s treating me with kid gloves for fear of upsetting me and that is something I can’t live with anymore. I get very self conscious with the thought that someone could be looking at me as “damaged goods”. She has begun to find comfort in others – only recently I accidentally stumbled across correspondence between her and a female friend (she had left open an instant message chat on my laptop) where she had stated she was having lunch with, and I quote, a “special” friend - but for this I bear no malice and will never mention it to her. Of course I could be reading too much into it but nevertheless I can only offer what she has offered so often: understanding.

My children are my heart and soul … I try to be the best I can be for them. I teach them to express their feelings, to say I love you and show affection, to be true to themselves. I think I am a good parent although at times I don’t spend enough quality time with them. That said, they are more interested in spending time with their friends these days so we’re doing fine – just as long as I have time to kick a football, play a video game, talk about music/boyfriends/movies/clothes or share a hug every now and again they are happy. Most importantly they all know that Dad is always here for them no matter what the situation.

I have never been one to blame others for my mistakes and shortcomings. I have never asked others for help and believe that one's actions speak louder than words. The way someone acts and how they make others feel is the measure of a man. I have always been someone who tried to do everything with my life... but in reality I have ultimately ended up doing nothing. I think my quest to be the best friend/father/partner/lover for everybody else and not worry about me was quite detrimental to myself in hindsight. What’s that song say? “Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all” … makes sense. I only wish it wasn’t so ****** soppy!

Mine was a normal, working class childhood. I went to a lot of schools and as the new kid in town found the best way to fit in was not to get too close to anyone and fight when they tried to test me (they always did). I played sport and through boxing or football I managed to earn the other kids respect and quickly made friends in every place I went to.

At 10 I was sexually molested by a stranger but I never mentioned that to anyone until my mid 30s and only three people, two of them my parents (whom I never told at the time as I didn’t want them to feel like bad parents), in the world know that to this day. My take on it was that I deserved it for being stupid, maybe even enjoyed it … I now understand that is what happens to children. They blame themselves for what has happened rather than acknowledge that they are actually victims. It wasn't traumatic at the time – an eleven year old in 1980 was pretty sheltered – although it did mess with my self esteem a little as I reached my teens. To this day I feel no anger for the man involved. He has had to live with what he did …

At 14 I discovered accidentally that my Dad was not my biological father and this became a major issue for me for many years. It hurt more than words can ever describe and I was angry for a long, long time but now I understand why they didn’t tell me … they just didn’t know how. It doesn’t sound like a big deal, particularly in today's society but in 1983/4 it wasn't so common. At a time when I needed security to help me through the tumultuous teenage years discovering my whole life up to that point had been a lie was devastating. I kept this info locked inside for 5/6 months before saying something to my Dad in a fit of anger ... something I regret to this day. He didn't deserve that after taking me under his wing and financially providing for me from a small child. He treated the three of us the same and friends would have never known one of us was not his. Funnily enough to this day, I am the one who is most like him …


It was this discovery that turned me from a good, quiet kid into someone who overnight became a self destructive personality for a 2 year period. I drank constantly, did drugs, went to night clubs, foolishly fought groups of teenagers single-handedly or tested myself against grown men and misbehaved any way I could.

My biological father was a lifetime criminal with numerous habits – he stole, assaulted, shot, stabbed, beat woman, gambled and everything else you would expect from inner city London thug in the 1960s. It was not until my late twenties after watching a movie that I recalled memories of the "big house" ... British slang for prison. It was here that I would visit my father as a small child (how’s that for a nice memory). My birth name is very uncommon so I made some calls and met my aunties on a trip to England (I came to Australia as a toddler) a few years ago. At this time I discovered he had been killed (or that was what the family had heard at least) so I never got to meet him and it’s probably for the best. I don’t know what would have happened when I came face to face with man who had not only beat my mother constantly but kidnapped me and left me locked in a room for days as a toddler. I’d like to think I could just have looked him in the eye, said hello, goodbye and moved on. I have often wondered how much of him is inside me but I try not to think too much about that for obvious reasons …

I can't say any one of these things contributed to me getting panic attacks or succumbing to depression at all but they have all been targeted by my therapist (I never thought I’d be saying “my therapist”) as triggers for it. Depression can affect people from all walks of life – those from broken homes or houses filled with love, rich or poor, male or female, young or old - but trying to overcome it alone is not the answer.

Depression has a way of affecting and twisting every aspect of your life if you let it but if you are willing to fight and not wallow in the misery you can overcome! But it’s up to you. You have to fight. You have to want to win. Only you can control what is happening to you. Of course, there are times when letting go and falling into that big bloke hole is easier than fighting ... and this is why so many of us end up at the point of no return. One only has such much fight in them. But life is series of battles, we all fight them every day … you just have to get up and keep going.

You can and need to take control of every aspect of you life ... I know sometimes you don’t want to but at the end of the day not giving in is the only option. You have to realise that there are many things that cause depression – it can be a chemical imbalance, a lack of self esteem, a traumatic incident a change in status or environment - but whatever it is you need to address it and, if need be, make the necessary changes, I'm not talking about what you do for a living but who you are as a person. If where you work and live ,or who you live and work with is bringing you down then you need to make a changes... but making sweeping changes won't change things overnight, and every little change should be thought through carefully before one acts upon them. At the end of the day removing the cancerous parts of one's life is crucial. If it makes you happy do it, if it doesn’t don’t do it. Pretty simple.

I also came to realise that medication and self analysis was only part the answer. You have to be able talk openly with someone ... but be warned the wrong person can be disastrous. I found talking to my wife tough as she often blamed herself for me feeling the way I did ... she couldn't understand that it was about me and me only. If I said (and I never raise my voice, I am not really one for yelling) I was having bad day and needed some space she would reply that she’s had a tough day too. I don’t think she was trying to be awkward, she was just trying to relate and show me that she related to how I was feeling. I just felt she was trying to turn everything into a pi**ing contest and I became frustrated and even more withdrawn. She wasn’t, but that’s how I took it.

Some time ago I met someone who I gelled with almost from the moment I spoke to them. I wasn’t looking for anyone or anything. I had thrown myself into my work and was trying to give my children the best of me that I could. It was purely a chance meeting yet this person had such an amazing aura and serenity about her that I realised only after a few very brief conversations that she offered something that no person had offered to me before. The fact that she is beautiful and extremely intelligent didn't really register until quite some time later. I know she’s got some issues of her own to deal with right now but when she reads this I hope she feels proud and happy to know how much of a difference she has made in one person’s life …

She may or may not love me. In fact if I am honest with myself I know they don't feel the same way I do at all. If pushed to give an answer I'd say they may (and it’s a BIG may) love me but aren't in love with me. We have managed to become very close over the past 12 months and I know I need her in my life ... when I’m with her, or know I am going to see her, nothing can get me down. She never judges me, she is a great conversationalist, she listens when I talk and as far as I am concerned her eyes never lie. She’s not comfortable taking compliments or expressing her feelings (she’s lived a life without love from what I can ascertain from our conversations and I’d be very surprised if she’s ever uttered the words “I love you”) but I think I’ve made an impact on her life too. If she values me only half as much as I do her then we’re doing OK. She hides it well but at the end of the day her life is missing something and I only want her to feel truly happy because I know the joy true happiness brings. She deserves so much more than what she has and it hurts that I can’t be there day in day out to give her what she needs. Thanks to her presence in my life I have managed to stop taking the paroxytone that has been a much unwanted crutch for the past 3 years (I’ve got past the brain zaps and withdrawal headaches and, fingers crossed, don’t intend ever going back). For me taking the medication was the thing that bothered me the most. I have always been a fighter and by taking the drugs I felt that I had given in and let the disease beat me. That’s not the case but that was my logic. To this day I have never gone in and had the prescription filled personally. I can't stand the thought of someone knowing something that personal about me, especially if it’s showing a crack in my armour.

I now also know that companionship should never be underestimated when dealing with the hardships life throws at you, especially one clouded by depression. Finding true happiness is paramount to your wellbeing. But when I talk of happiness I mean true happiness. Not the stereotypical happiness that society, your friends and family defines it to be. If a house, 2.5 kids and a white picket fence is what you need then grab that and hold on tight. If you need something a little less conservative go for it …. We are all different but the one thing we have in common is the need to be happy and the desire to be loved. I had someone I care for tell me recently they were “happy enough” and it almost broke my heart. That was one of the saddest things I have ever heard in my life… we all deserve to be happy, not happy enough.

Even though the past three years have seen me bounce back to be better than ever I'm not someone who has beaten depression. So, don’t think I'm some guy, head over heels in love, feeling on top of the world who has decided to share his wisdom with the world from behind rose coloured glasses. Just this past month I've been informed by my friend that there's no way she can have a real relationship with me and as much as I understand her reasons that it’s our current circumstances that keep us apart I did take a look at myself and wondered just what it is about me that’s not worth the risk? Sure it would be bumpy for a bit but we’d come through the other side OK. I’d always show her love and respect yet give her all the space she needs but that’s not enough so it has to be me doesn't it? She’s not happy in her current situation so obviously I'm not good enough for a plethora of reasons... Sound familiar? That’s not really how it is but that’s how we turn it back on ourselves. Still her presence has opened up a whole new world for me and I am looking at the positives – as pathetic as it sounds on paper I’m happy with whatever she chooses to give me.
Just this past week I had the best conversation I had with my soon-to-be teenage daughter in two years! I'd had a revelation, if me talking to someone who cared and listened could make such a difference to me why couldn't I do the same for her and just be a friend for a minute instead of a dad. To hear my teenage daughter say “I love you Daddy” was amazing and brought a tear to my eye… the only thing that made me sad was that I hadn't heard her say that in such a long time.

I am in a great place but know that deep down I am still wrestling to take control of this big black dog that’s never too far away... it’s always willing to start snapping at my throat but I'm managing to fight it and keep it at arm's length. In boxing terms I'd say I'm winning the round easily and feel optimistic that I'm on track to win the fight. Whether I win the bout won't be answered until that final bell sounds.

But in spite of this slight hiccup my own experiences of the past 12 months have proven to me that happiness, coupled with honest communication and true understanding, can play a major part in helping you live your life and conquer your demons. A life without the one/s you love offers so much less so for your own sake keep searching for happiness, be positive, stay strong and things will be OK ... maybe not perfect but each day will be that little bit brighter and you will be able to take control of your life. I'm doing it, you can too. You don’t always have look at the rain, it’s OK to look through the rain and see the sun ….

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4 Responses to "Learning to Live Again … "

 
Girly
said this on 09 Jun 2009 10:26:14 AM CST
Wow dragonfly_dreams such a beautifully written piece, I hope that you continue to see the sun through the rain every day. Girly x

 
CH1980
said this on 07 Jul 2009 5:08:12 PM CST
This is an amazing story. I don't know how I happened to find this in my random searches online, but I'm so glad I read this. Your story (especially the second half of it) sounds so similar to the situation I'm going through. I feel like I am the woman you're talking about (I'm not, of course, because I don't know you, but our situations are so similar). Whoever you are who wrote this, thank you. I'm going through suicidal and depression feelings, and each story I read helps a little bit, and strengthens that tiny thread of life which I hang onto. I wish I could talk to you somehow. I'd ask you for more advice. I'm new to this website and this forum. It's just good to know that someone else out there understands this kind of situation. C.H. from Arizona

 
said this on 18 Aug 2009 8:54:36 AM CST
Girly - thank you. The sun is shining. Not bright but shining nevertheless! CH1980 - be strong. Send me a message and I'll help any way i can.

 
wild_fire
said this on 29 Oct 2009 10:58:50 AM CST
Dragonfly_dreams, I have never read such an honest and heart felt story. You really do write beautifully. I originally found this site for myself, but after reading your post I now feel it may also help my mum. I hope I can convince her to help herself as you are doing. Mum always says to me "you have to look at what you have got". Which as you know is extremelly hard to do when you feel like curling into a ball in the dark for the rest of time. But as an outsider I feel it is my duty to tell you that from what you have shared with us, I can already tell you are an extremely strong, determined, compassionate and loving human being who deserves to love and be loved. We can only control what we do. We cant control others. I hope you find what it is you are still looking for. I know you will find it. Thankyou for giving me the hope i need. Wild_Fire



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Beyond Medicine: Addressing Broader Roots Of Illness In Health Care Reform
Research has clearly demonstrated that health and illness are determined by a complex interaction of biological, behavioral, psychological, socio-cultural and environmental factors, as well as a person's coping resources and access to health care. Each of these factors must be addressed if true health care reform is to be achieved.




Schizophrenia News From Medical News Today
Latest Schizophrenia News From Medical News Today.

Molecular Imaging Pinpoints Inflammation In The Brains Of Schizophrenics And Migraine Sufferers
Inflammatory response of brain cells - as indicated by a molecular imaging technique - could tell researchers more about why certain neurologic disorders, such as migraine headaches and psychosis in schizophrenic patients, occur and provide insight into how to best treat them, according to two studies published in the November issue of The Journal of Nuclear Medicine.

Forest Laboratories, Inc. And Gedeon Richter Announce Positive Results From A Phase IIb Study Of Cariprazine For The Treatment Of Schizophrenia
Forest Laboratories, Inc. (NYSE: FRX) and Gedeon Richter Plc announced positive top-line results from a Phase IIb clinical trial of the novel, investigational antipsychotic agent cariprazine for the treatment of acute exacerbation of schizophrenia.




Sleep / Sleep Disorders / Insomnia News From Medical News Today
Latest Sleep / Sleep Disorders / Insomnia News From Medical News Today.

The Consumption Of Melatonin, A Natural Hormone Segregated By The Own Human Body, Regulates Sleep Better Than Somniferous
Melatonin, a natural hormone segregated by the own human body, is an excellent sleep regulator expected to replace somniferous, which are much more aggressive, to correct the sleep/wakefulness pace when human biological clock becomes altered.

New Thrombosis Research Presented At CHEST 2009
Extended Therapy for Blood Clot Prevention Yields Greater Benefits in Hip/Knee Surgery (#8587) Patients undergoing total knee replacement (TKR) or total hip replacement (THR) surgeries may experience better outcomes if they receive extended therapy for the prevention of thrombosis (blood clots).




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Depression & Mental Health FAQs 2
What is Clinical Depression?

Clinical depression can affect your body, mood, thoughts, and behavior. It can change your eating habits, how you feel and think about things, your ability to work and study, and how you interact with people.

Clinical depression is not a passing mood, a sign of personal weakness or a condition that can be willed away. Clinically depressed people cannot "pull themselves together" and get better.

Depression can be successfully treated by a mental health professional or certain health care providers. With the right treatment, 80 percent of those who seek help get better. And many people begin to feel better in just a few weeks.

Depression a Big Factor in Poor Health
World Health Organization Finds Depression Often Goes Untreated
By Salynn Boyles
WebMD Medical News
Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD

Sept. 6, 2007 -- Depression has a greater impact on overall health than arthritis, diabetes, angina, and asthma, but it all too often goes unrecognized and untreated, a report from the World Health Organization (WHO) suggests.
more...Depression a Big Factor in Poor Health

For Additional Information About Depression Write To:
The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)
6001 Executive Boulevard, Room 8184, MSC 9663
Bethesda, MD 20892-9663
 

For free brochures on depression and its treatment call:
1-800-421-4211.
or visit: http://www.nimh.nih.gov

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